


Camp Washington

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Generic Camp Au, God dammit Lee stop doing the smok, Multi, Mute Character(s), Panic Attacks, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tourettes Syndrome, Underage Smoking, hahaha.... Im so sorry, hold on there's a lot of things i need to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 04:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 48,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alexander Is sent to a mysterious camp over the summer by his foster parents with the note that 'it will fix him'. Alexander is anything but amused to be classified as abnormal but is it really as bad as it seems to be?





	1. Welcome to Camp Washington

Four droning hours of driving, all of it in silence as they went down the abandoned roads of the countryside. Each hill grew more flat and colourless in his brain as thoughts just swirled through his head as his eyes simply lost their focus on the landscapes as they stared at the drishti that was the outside world.   
  
Alexander had a decent idea as to where he was going, he was told he was going to a camp, a camp for unnatural people for them to get ‘fixed’, Alexander didn’t like the sound of it in the slightest, he imagined the thought of being held in a room with no objects or activities, only white, a place where even the most creative mind could lose it, maybe that would fix him right up just like his foster parents wanted him to be.   
  
“Do you promise you’ll be a good boy at the camp?” His foster father droned in a commanding voice, Alexander simply continued to stare out of the window with haunting thoughts being constantly replaced with small reassurances and even more chilling ideas.   
  
“ALEXANDER.” The man shouted, causing Alexander to yelp out loud and clasp both of his hands over his mouth, his posture automatically slouched and his eyes shut quickly.   
  
“Please, just be good, it will all be over soon, then you’ll be a nice, normal boy again, right? Enough of your constant whining for once.” He said in a sickeningly sweet voice, Alexander uncurled himself from the position and nodded, staring out at the window only to take in the radiation of thousands of shades of browns and greens from the entrance to the camp.   
  
_Welcome, newcampers and oldcampers to Camp Washington!_   
  
Alexander squinted to make out the words but quickly bit hit lip, shuffling around in the car to remove his seatbelt, to him it felt like removing a protective shield, but that was besides the point. He’d go to this camp and just become a normal 13-year-old boy, obsessed with the little unnecessary trends that popped up out of nowhere. Just a normal boy who whistled and poked about everyone’s little nitty gritty secrets that really shouldn’t even be classified as important to anybody’s life.   


“Come give a kiss to your Ralph and Shirley!” His foster mother said in her disgustingly snotty voice, Alexander obliged anyways, taking a hesitant step forward and allowing her to plant an emotionless kiss on his cheek, just barely brushing the edge of his lip, it made him shiver uncontrollably.  
  
“Now remember, these people are going to fix you Alexander, so no matter what, you listen, and do what your aunt Aggie always told you, never tell a lie young man.” Ralph chanted the phrase he’d said about one million times at this point, Alexander simply nodded and clutched the bag in his slender hand, cringing at the weight of it as he lugged it all the way to the front of the gate.   
  
_You’re doomed, look, the dust has already cleared, your foster parents are gone, they don’t care about you, this place is just run by other people who don’t care, nobody wants to say they’re friends with a bastard orphan immigrant child, you’re not even a real citizen, you should get deported so nobody will see you again-_   
  
“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Alexander whispered repeatedly to himself, still hovering in front of the gate but not daring to step foot into the campground.   


His heart had sanken into his chest a long time ago, but in times like this it was unbearable, it was the feeling of being removed from your own body and played like a puppet from _your other’s_ grasp, he wanted to run away so nobody knew he existed in the first place.   
  
“Excuse me, are you coming in?” a young voice asked from beside him, Alexander quickly shot his head into the other person’s direction and felt his heart rise slightly, a familiar face, Alexander took a deep breath in before closing it, his eyes going wide as he began to choose his words.   
  
“Pardon me for asking this but, are you Aaron Burr? Child prodigy- I mean, sir, you are Aaron Burr, right? Sir?” Alexander shuffled his bag around as he spoke, his knees bouncing anxiously as he desperately craved for a reply.   
  
“Well that depends, who’s the one asking me?” Burr spoke in a calm tone, Alexander saw it as a gunshot, striking him firmly in his heart as his face began heating up behind his orange sunglasses.   
  
“Oh… U-um, I-I well, I- my… My name… My name is A-A-Alexander Hamilton and… I’ll do great things one day! That sounded bad I’m sorry, oh my god I-I, nevermind that’s my name, Alexander Hamilton.” Alexander stammered out, causing Burr to laugh Alex made a forced laugh as well, trying to hide the small tears forming in each eye as his face flushed a low maroon.   
  
“Well A-A-A-Alexander Hamilton.” Burr fake-stuttered with a lighthearted smile, he wasn’t teasing, just poking fun “Welcome to the camp, and let me tell you this, there’s a lot of beef going on between this camp and another one, it’s crazy stuff you don’t want to get into.” Burr put a hand on Alex’s shoulder, causing him to flinch before sinking back into it.   
  
“Just, talk a bit less, try smiling, it’ll look good on you.” Aaron gave a gentle pat on Alexander’s back, causing him to flinch again and quickly stumble back, his eyes red and puffy and mouth laced into a forced poker face as Burr simply walked out of sight, leaving Alex there in his misery.   
  
_Nice job moron, you just made a fool of yourself in front of a genius, you’re not smart, you’re no good in the slightest, everyone hates you, you messed up again, why even bother crying when you can just numb yourself forever, who’d miss you?_   
  
Alexander took a deep breath and quickly rolled his thoughts out of his brain by raising a hand up to his mouth and biting down hard on it, throwing the bag he had over his shoulder and stepping into the campsite with his eyes half-open underneath his sunglasses.   
  
“Welcome to Camp Washington! We have a sheet for you to sign up just up ahead, there are pens, pencils and felt-tipped markers for you to sign a few things on if that’s okay with you.” a cheery looking boy said from his side, his expression felt way too natural for it to be considered happy, it was eerie to Alex to see someone so joyful about this place which he thought of as another torture mechanism so they didn’t have to throw him back into a sea of foster families.   
  
“Thanks.” Alexander deadpanned, lugging his bag with him as he shuffled over to one of the picnic tables and glared into the perfectly arranged buckets of markers, pens and a perfect stack of paper being held down by a smooth and thin rock painted to look like a rainbow, Alexander hesitantly lifted the rock, cringing at how much effort it took him to lift things with his skinny frame and grabbing one sheet of paper before setting the rock right back on top of it.

 

Name, date, gender, easy peasy, Alexander simply let his pen flow gently across the page, printing wide and messy font he had used for almost everything, it took him a moment to put down allergies, for all he knew the only allergy he had was to something in the soap he had been forced to use so he simply wrote down ‘soap’   
  
Medical issues were much tougher, Alex simply stared at his hand that shook uncontrollably, Alex bounced his leg under the table and lined up the pen with the paper.   
  
_So what, you’re going to write down what’s wrong with you, freak! They’ll kick you out of here, they’ll give you what you deserve if they know you’re a walking virus, you’ll kill-_   
  
BANG   
  
Alexander shot his head up quickly and jolted backward, falling out of his seat and hitting his head on the grassy soil, Alex groaned and tried to cover up his red eyes with shaking palms.   
  
“Oh my god, dammit, dammit, turtle dammit I- oh god okay Woah, I’m so sorry about that I-” The source of the noise was a boy, his arm jerked and he took a moment to pause and let his body drag him around essentially, Alexander didn’t have the will to look, he just laid silently on the grass, shivering and making small whines through his bit lip.   
  
“I’m so sorry- turtle. do you need a medic? Turtle.” The boy paused and hit his leg, Alex cringed at the sound it made as he bent down near Alexander and put a hand on his shoulder, Alex instinctively flinched and unlike any other human being had done before, the boy backed off.   
  
“Turtle- I’m sorry can you- turtle, sit up for me or no?” The boy asked, constantly repeating the word turtle under his breath as he helped Alexander sit up with a fidgety hand before pulling it away like it was some sort of blade being sheathed, only to have it jerk out again and hit his leg.   
  
“Sorry.” Alexander whispered under his breath.   
  
“Turtle- why are you sorry! I’m the one that startled you!” Alexander reached out to grab something and ended up grabbing the other boy’s hand, he just smiled and helped pull Alex up before pulling back like he got burnt.   
  
He knows you’re a walking virus, probably read your stupid medical report and knows about everything you psychopath.

“Hey dude, you alright?” He asked, Alexander quickly jolted again and shook his head frantically.  
  
“Sorry if I keep- turtle, saying turtle and fidgeting it’s because I have a- turtle neurological thing called turtle- Tourettes.” The boy explained, Alex simply nodded with a dazed expression, he had no clue where the explanation even came from, he didn’t ask, did he? Maybe he was just saying that to keep Alex away.   
  
“Ugh, damn I-I, dammit I ruined your paper, want me to help with- turtle, another one, your hands are like, shaking lots dude.” He offered to the silent and startled Alex, his hands constantly jerking around the place in some odd fit as he held the soiled paper up to his face, a large hole in the middle of the Medical Issues portion, with small dots of ink,splattered all over the rest of the paper.   
  
“Alexander Hamilton,” Alex stated, sitting down on the bench and pulling out a paper with his unstable hands and handing to the mystery boy, just taking a moment to take in all of his freckles and perfect features.   
  
“John Laurens.” He replied, grabbing a pen and making a very jittery movement to uncap it before slamming his fist down onto his leg and cursing in pain.   
  
“D-do you need a medic now? Is that supposed to happen?” Alexander asked as John simply waved a hand at him to shush him as he began to make smooth strokes across the paper with no tics, only to his knee after writing Alex’s name down.   
  
“January 11th… 2004.” Alexander continued, watching John’s tics seemingly ending as he wrote down the date almost robotically.   
  
“Are you a dude or am I assuming?” John asked, batting his eyelashes unnaturally while waiting for Alex’s answer, his face was flushed a deep red, Alexander could feel his cheeks heat up as well as he nodded sheepishly, John gave him a bright grin with a quivering lip as he wrote it down with his beautiful smile.   
  
“I’m allergic to something in soap, I don’t know what.” Alexander could already feel his throat begin to close up again as his eyes darted to the next section on the paper, words repeating through his head.   
  
_Never tell a lie, never tell a lie, never tell a lie, he’ll leave you, this pretty boy’s going to slip right out of your grasp so he doesn’t have to become another virus._   
  
“Turtle, turtle, turtle- do you have any? Like I won't judge seeing all this crap that I do- turtle.” John asked Alex, his face covered in sweat as his hands jerked around in another fit, they suddenly stopped when Alex opened his mouth.   
  
“Just put down BPD… A-anxiety and… No- that’s it, that’s all I swear, I swear on all my heart that there isn’t anything wrong with me… I-I’m normal and that’s all I have, it’s probably just made up…” Alex rambled until John reached out and grabbed Alex’s hand, squeezing it gently and waking Alex up from his little attack.   
  
“Turtles reproduce strangely.” John blurted out, Alex but his lip to stuff down a chuckle, only to let it out when John made a loud chuckle in response, writing down Alexander’s answers with a little heart next to his writing. 

“Yo Alex are you alright with people in wheelchairs and all that jazz?” John asked, prompting Alexander to answer almost like he depended on it, so Alexander gave a thumbs up and nodded every time John hovered his hand over a check box, only noticing one body tic during that whole process, when John’s hand suddenly darted upwards making a strange looking twisty check mark.  
  
“Okay so, just saying, not to scare you- turtle, you need to memorize this little thing so read it over, turtle.” John pointed at the little blurb at the bottom of the page as Alex wrapped his hand around John’s and drew the last check mark.   
  
“You survived!” John exclaimed, punching himself in the leg and cursing multiple times in multiple languages.   
  
“Are y-you gonna survive?” Alexander asked, pulling his hand away from John slowly and rolling up the paper into a little scroll in his skinny hands.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m all cool, turtle, but like just so you know- turtle, your voice just magically cured me for a moment like, I forgot about everything and you just like saved my life for a moment, are you magic? Turtle…” John chuckled, Alex joined in with a large smile on his face as he simply shrugged.   
  
“I’ve been called many things but I think magic is the least common word used to describe me, John.” Alexander said with a large grin on his face as he hoisted his large bag over his shoulder, cursing internally as he saw John cringe.   
  
“You are way too small to carry that,” John remarked, hitting his leg once more.

“I have my ways.” And with that, Alexander turned around and took in a deep breath before marching away from John with a large smile on his face.  
  
_You’re way too small… He knows, he knows exactly why you’re small, because you’re sick and if you’re sick you’re contagious, freakazoid you just infected John, just like you did to your mo-_   
  
“God sakes alive why now.” Alex grumbled, walking his way out to the field, a bunch of kids were sitting around in a big circle and a few turned to face him and wave with plastic smiles on their faces like little dolls, another instructor with a large sunhat made a gesture to call Alex over and he did so, plopping his bag down on the grass with all of the others and making a half-assed jog over to the circle.   
  
“Hello! Welcome to camp Washington, I am the fabled George Washington, can you pass your sheet over to me please?” George asked in a calm voice, Alex hugged the sheet close to his chest as he stood up, all eyes glued to him as he shuffled over to Washington and took a deep breath before handing it over.   
  
“Thank you!” Washington responded with a large smile plastered on his face, Alex nodded and shimmied back to his seat, only to see Washington had opened up the scroll and began peering into it with a neutral look as many young children tried to read the paper from behind his back like vultures, only to get shooed away by the instructors.

  
“What time is it!” John appeared out of seemingly nowhere, skipping over to Washington and handing him his sheet before jumping in the middle of the circle and dramatically throwing his arms up at the sky.   
  
“SHOWTIME!” Everyone hollered, John hooted and whistled, smacking his knee as he did so, everyone had suddenly joined into a huge uproar of laughter as John took his seat next to Alexander, causing some of the group to gasp and whisper things to one another.   
  
“You’re like a celebrity.” Alex commented with a whispery voice, John nodded and whispered turtle a couple of times under his breath.   
  
“Well, John, you’re the last on our list, as always, how about we get started! We have some new faces here so let’s just go over one small note, If I see anyone disobeying our number one rule, you’ll be skipping out on a day of activities, who here knows our number one rule, raise your hands!” Alex flinched as John shot his hand up next to him, Alex noticed everyone besides him and two other kids had their hands up, Alex just felt exposed and scooched closer to John until their shoulders touched.   
  
“Angelica, can you tell us our rule?” Washington chose, causing an uproar of happy whispers and noises.   
  
“We respect everyone and everyone respects we!” She stated, raising her fist in the air, everyone else did so, Alex felt a gentle nudge on his side and he also raised his fist as high as he could, trying to stop it from trembling or falling.   
  
“RISE UP!” Everyone shouted at once, Alex whined and covered his ear after it was done, sending John into an uproar of friendly laughter.   
  
“Alright, everyone! Let’s go around in a circle and announce our name, then I’ll give you your cabin number and you will go to your cabin after everyone has said their name.” Washington explained, his eyes glued on Alexander’s.   
  
Everything was a blur, he could barely hear anyone’s name over the voice drilling into his head, lecturing him about what exactly to say as he slowly shut his eyes.   
  
_My name is Alexander Hamilton, and there’s a trillion- no, billion, maybe million… Yes, there’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait… just you wait, or you know you could easily just say, hello I’m a walking time bomb ready to infect everyone with your crazy problems, you freak, you know you’re going to and no matter what you’ll never escape this._   
  
“STOP IT!” Alex shouted out loud, everyone in the circle jumped slightly, Alex opened his eyes to see everyone’s horrified glances, some laced with pity or confusion, Alexander simply covered his face up with his arms and whispered an apology under his breath before Washington calmed everyone down and they continued to go around the circle.   
  
“Your turn, it’s okay, we aren’t upset with you.” Washington prompted, causing Alex to uncurl from his protective ball and took a deep breath in.   
  
“I’m Alexander Hamilton, the walking disaster.” Alexander croaked, John wrapped his arms around Alex as the circle continued to move with no mention of his shouting; his cabin number was 13.  
  
“Alright, folks! Three people are in a cabin so find your cabin mates and your cabin!” Washington announced, shooting his gaze back at Alexander as everyone began to stand, Alexander’s eyes were burning underneath his glasses as he lifted his bag and shuffled into the masses.


	2. Meeting Laf and Hercules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex bumps into a certain french boy with a funny voice and he decides to go for a bit of a wander and ends up getting lost, good thing John, Herc and Laf are here to make him smile.

“Oof!” Alex stumbled back, mostly everyone had found their cabin besides a few newbies who’d been getting escorted by camp supervisors and a few of the other kids hung back for a little why to talk to their friends, Alex had just to happened to bump into one of those kids.  
  
“Oh mon dieu, je m'excuse de vous frapper Avez-vous besoin d'aide ? Vous n'avez pas l'air bien… O-oh wait you probably don't ‘peak french… I’m th’orry” The boy blurted out, Alex took note of the very thick french accent the boy had when he spoke mixed with his very obvious lisp.   
  
“Je parle français très bien!” Alex corrected, stepping away from the other boy and rubbing his forehead, staring at the other boy through his sunglasses.   
  
He was tall, much taller than Alexander, though that wasn’t very hard seeing how he was only 4’9, young and scrappy as his old playmates in Nevis used to say. The boy had dark skin and a huge puff of curly hair tied up into a bun, he had fine muscle on his bodies and a shirt with some sort of logo for a French football (re. soccer) team plastered onto a light blue tank top with matching logo’d tennis shorts.   
  
There was a huge set of blue, red and white braces across his teeth with little rubber bands on the side that tugged uncomfortably when he talked   
  
“Je m'appelle Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du La fayette, Marquis de Lafayette!” He exclaimed, leaping up and down before reaching his hand out, Alex took it and darted his eyes down, a bit overwhelmed by the french boy’s energy.   
  
“I’m Alexander H-Hamilton.” Alex stated, the young Marquis pulled his hand back with a gasp and instead he embraced Alex with a big hug.   
  
“My o’pologies for coming on sh’so th’rong I noticed you got a bit overwhelmed during La cérémonie and I want to apologi’the to you for having to go through that, I was also nervou’the when I came to America and It was very loud here sh’so I feel you, how do the other American children th’ay? Bro!” Lafayette spoke quickly, rubbing circles into Alex’s back before pulling away, keeping his hands on Alex’s shoulders as Alex just stood there awkwardly.   
  
“It’s nice to meet you, um, I’m in cabin 13 if you ever want to come hang out with me.” Alex smiled, he automatically felt close to Lafayette, his second real friend here, first John and now Lafayette, maybe this place wasn’t as bad as he thought it was after all.   
  
“Ewww you’re with Th’eabury and Lee, come crash at the Revolu’th’ionary Cabin when you get th’ick of them, we’re cabin Th’eventeen. I’m gonna get going now, good bye Alexander Hamilton!” Lafayette exclaimed, skipping away from Alex with a carefree grin on his face.

_Look what you did, you told him your cabin number and now he hates you, you’ll never be friends with him, he just ran away to go see someone better! But then again, it doesn’t take much to be any better than you._   
  
“Stop…” Alex whispered to himself, lumbering away from the cabins as to not start another huge commotion, he’d already done enough at the ceremony, everyone probably already thought of him as a freak, they were just being his friend out of pity, right?   
  
Alex stepped foot into the undergrowth, he’d been walking for minutes on end, a lazy, programmed walk as he drifted into his burdensome thoughts, endless possibilities of his summer rang through his head, he knew two things about summer.   
  
1.) For everyone besides him, summer was a time to relax, a prison where nobody works or thinks, it’s a rotten time where your brain shrivels up and tranquilizes itself until they’re baked like a boiled potato, useless and broiled.   
  
2.) Summer meant illness for Alexander, ever since he’d been six he had to deal with tropical Malaria, leaving him perspiring at the smallest of movements and sluggish at every word he tried to speak, though his earlier cases had been benign and mollifying, his more recent summers were restless and melancholy with incommensurable pain, the same pain his mother had been infected with.   
  
So for all he knew this summer was going to be more torturing then the last, for now he carried another passenger inside of his mind, one that had only been there for a couple dreary months after he’d been placed in his first foster home with his cousin, Peter. an unwelcome voice rattling through his thoughts.   
  
_You’re just a walking hurricane, everything you touch leaves you, John’s going to leave you, Aaron’s going to leave you and now Lafayette’s going to leave you, why do you constantly corrupt such wonderful beings, freak? What makes you think you deserve their kindness?_   
  
“I don’t…” Alexander admitted to himself, his knees shaking under his frame as he realized where he had wandered, right into the deep undergrowth of the camp’s large forest, nothing was familiar in the slightest, Alexander just wanted to sob.   
  
He dropped to his knees and dug his fingers into the rough soil, making no mind of the little cricks and cracks they made from all the pressure he was pouring into them, his body was still though his mind ran rampant, every part of his body shivering with no control whatsoever as his brain took over and a loud metallic screech filled his ears.   
  
_Yellow skies, yellow skies, rain comes down in sheets, raincomesdowninsheets raincomesdownin yellow, yellow was the colour of the sky, green was the colour of his mother then white, blue is the colour of raincomesdowninsheets and red is the colour of no, no it’s not it’s blood, blood is red, blood is black, blood is pouring from his cousin’s head down to his back bloodpours, raincomesdown palemeansdeath yellowmeansdisaster yellowmeansdisaster, yellowmeansdisaster Alex? Alex? Alexander? Alex? Can you hurricane destroyed, wake up, doctor, doctor means illness doctor means Alex... Alex… Alex-_   
  
“Alex? Turtle- Can you hear me?” Alexander’s head snapped up with a loud gasp, he had collapsed onto the ground with blood all over his fingers, someone was shaking him but Alex couldn’t find out who it was, he could only hear the familiar voice.

“Turtle, okay we’re going to count to turtle- nine, okay?” He spoke in his caramel voice Alex still huffing out loud, rash and uneven breaths racked through his body.

“Un deux,”  
  
_Yellow is the colour of the sun._   
  
“trois quatre,”  
  
_Rain is blue, just like a blue jay._   
  
“cinq six,”   
  
_Green is the colour of grass and trees._   
  
“sept huit,”   
  
_Pens can be red and black_   
  
“Turtle” John concluded, Alex had opened his eyes now as John had lead him into a sitting position, he just stared at John with wide, curious eyes, inspecting every single feature on John’s face so John tried his best to stay as still as possible, his head twitched every few seconds.   
  
“John?” Alex croaked, he hadn’t remembered losing his voice but it was dry and tasted of blood and vomit, Alexander nervously looked down at his shirt to see it was covered in both of those things, that’s when all the pain shot through his body again, he whined and clung to John with his shivering fingers.   
  
“I heard- turtle you screaming when I was going to the- turtle pond and you were bleeding and- turtle crying and bleeding so I was scared, dude.” John explained running his twitchy fingers through Alex’s hair until he stopped crying, John turned around and grabbed the little lunch tin he had with him, it was decorated with turtles and hearts.   
  
“I have a fruit roll up if you want to share it, you kind of- turtle, threw up all over me.” John’s clapped his hands  together then proceeded to open up this lunch tin and take out his fruit roll up covered in shiny green plastic packaging, John raised it to his mouth and tore the snack open with his teeth before rolling it out and peeling it off it’s wax paper covering and ripping it in half- once again with his teeth, to give to Alexander.   
  
“Thank you.” Alex croaked, his voice was still hoarse but John just smiled and nodded, he would take Alex to his own cabin and get his cabin mate Hercules to do that later, but for now they just ate in silence (besides the times John said turtle which was like every 30 seconds.)   
  
“Y’know- turtle, you remind me of- turtle someone from an old story my mama used to read- turtle to me.” John said, bobbing his head up and down, Alex looked up with a raised eyebrow as he nibbled the end of his fruit roll up.   
  
“Mama told me he was a wordsmith, someone who could- turtle, speak what he needed to and help people with their- turtle, problems and such and, well- turtle, I don’t know if you know this but whenever you speak- turtle, you like, cure my damn turtle-ettes.” John chuckled out loud, slapping his knee and pulling Alex close so they were eye-to-eye.   
  
“Can you say something for me?” John asked with a huge, anxious smile on his face as Alexander just took in a deep breath and stared John in the eyes.   
  
“Laurens, I like you a lot.” He decided on, lifting his sunglasses so he could take in John’s beautiful tanned body without the blur of darkness, John was blushing hard, Alex took no real mind of it like the fool he was and just began counting the freckles on John’s left cheek.   
  
“My skin is clean, my crops are grown, I am truly smitten wordsmith Alexander.” John dramatically said, putting a hand on his forehead and fake-collapsing backwards until he hit the soft grass causing Alexander to begin giggling, full on giggling, John couldn’t help but smile and think of incredibly rosy thoughts, he had stopped ticking in that moment and just thought about him and Alexander, his perfect wordsmith.   
  
“L-let’s go back to the camp so I can clean up.” Alexander stood himself up on wobbly legs only to be stabilized by a very frantic and fast-moving John, Alex huffed and stepped over a bit so he could take his dirty shirt off and groan as he was only left with his undershirt on, a white and ripped tank top, John obviously enjoyed it though as he lead Alex back to the camp.   
  
“Aw man, you’re going to love Hercules, I mean like, he keeps us all clean and all that jazz but he’s real chill and he made me and my other cabin-mate Lafayette matching t-shirts that we wear on those goddamn hikes.” John smacked his knee a few times as they approached his cabin.   
  
“I know Lafayette, met him earlier.” Alex whispered as they approached John’s cabin it was a painted log cabin just like the others, covered in neat paintings of turtles and large ships done by some crazy good artist Alexander would love to meet.   
  
“Ooooh! Alex you should have been there last year when we were painting our cabins and I made that bit- turtle, turtle, turtle and the big gunboat.” Or maybe Alexander did meet the artist after all, he gasped and clapped with a bob of his head as he stared at the beautiful painting as John kicked open the door only to hear extremely loud music Alex hadn't heard before playing from inside.   
  
“HONEY WHAT’CHA WAITING FOR-” Alex heard Lafayette yell-sing from inside, John quickly ran in and joined Lafayette in some strange dance to the music as they harmonized with each other beautifully.   
  
“WELCOME TO MY CANDY TH’TORE!” The two just shook their hips and did some odd dance they seemed to have choreographed perfectly, Alex scanned around their bedroom, it was perfectly neat, no wrinkles in the beds or any misplaced objects and every single picture frame was hung with perfection, except for one which was being fixed by another boy wearing a beanie, he was also shaking his hips along to the song and singing along.   
  
“Um, hello.” Alex awkwardly poked at the other boy’s back until he turned around, having finally fixed the picture frame, he dusted his hands together and skipped over to Lafayette’s laptop which was covered in stickers and charms and paused the music, John and Laf both groaned and pouted.   
  
“We have a guest!” The other boy protested, gesturing at Alex for a moment before grabbing Lafayette’s laptop and straightening it so it was a perfect 90 degree angle.   
  
“I’m sure he’s fine with our candy th’tore, aren’t you Alexander?” Lafayette asked, skipping towards Alex and grabbing both of his hands as John took a seat on the cushioned chair in their small cabin.   
  
“Our hips don't lie Hercules!” John shouted, throwing his hands in the air and whispering turtle under his breath.   
  
“Yes but our guest! Also don’t call me Hercules you dipstick.” Herc protested like they’ve had this argument a million times.   
  
“I was fine with the music… I’m Alexander Hamilton, are you Hercul-” Hercules put a finger up to Alex’s mouth to shush him, only to have John jump on Herc and tackle him to the floor.   
  
“JOHN!” Hercules shoved John off of him as he growled and continued to play-fight with Hercules until the carpet was wrinkled and the room looked trashed, Lafayette was laughing his ass off and pulling Alex away from the mayhem.   
  
“Never silence the wordsmith!!” John hissed in Herc’s face, the two laughed and fought each other until they finally tired each other out and stood up, John elbowed Herc in the man-boob only for the sake of getting the last laugh.   
  
“Ugh god dammit John, now I have to fix the carpet, get your fat ass off of it,” Hercules grumbled, kneeling down to begin putting the carpet back into position, this was when John noticed Alex was on the verge of tears again, John made a guilty look and hugged Alexander close to his chest.   
  
“Sorry Alex, we were just play fighting, nobody got hurt, just all a joke Alexander,” John reassured, Lafayette had knelt down to help Hercules with the carpet as John sat Alex down on their chair, Alex had lightened up once more yet he still hugged his knees close to his chest.   
  
“So do I call him Herc?” Alexander asked, everyone in the room nodded in unison.   
  
“What were you guys listening to?” Alexander asked, causing everyone in the room to smile and race towards Laf’s laptop to rewind the video to the start and press the play button, John grabbed Alex’s arm and sung the opening lines to him before sitting him down as they all got into a little line, John in the front, Hercules on the left and Lafayette on the right.   
  
“You guys look hilarious!” Alex exclaimed as they all bobbed their hips back and forth as their music had slowed down and only two characters were talking, Lafayette stepped forward and belted out a crazy high note only to get pushed over by John.   
  
“SHUT UP HEATHER!” Alex couldn’t help but laugh as John tried his best to hit a high note and did with crazy accuracy, Alex fake-swooned every single time they harmonized with each other as they sung about candy stores and popularity, Alex ended up getting pulled out from his seat as he bobbed his hips to the rhythm with a bright smile on his face, a true one, one he hadn’t truly made in years.   
  
John had beautifly hit the last note, Alex completely stopped moving and just melted into John’s buttery voice, he just stared as they all scurried back to the laptop to turn of the music only to come back to see a dazed Alexander just standing silently with a dumb grin stretched across his face.   
  
“Alex? Dude you look like you just got paraly’th’ed.” Lafayette commented, booping Alex on the nose so he woke up, Alex could have just fainted then and there but would have still kept his huge smile.   
  
“It’s just very warm in here now and ma’ cheeks are glowing and I’m just, happy I guess? I don’t know it’s unfamiliar or whatever.” Alexander shrugged, all his new friends were glowing with delight as they began to surround Alex, that’s when he realized how he worded that.   
  
_Now they think you’re just a depressed child, they aren’t wrong, they’ll just figure out how much of a freak you are since you can’t keep your damn mouth shut, they aren’t silencing you because they want to know what makes you tick and when they find out you'll just be thrown into the trash once more-_   
  
“I make friends and this is what you say!?” Alex said out loud, he had a real problem of doing that, Alex quickly covered his mouth and stepped away from the very obviously confused Herc, John and Laf.   
  
“Alex we did not th’ay anything.” Lafayette blinked, he thought back to Alex’s outburst during the ceremony and began to put the pieces together.   
  
“Do you have SPD?” Herc asked, crossing his arms together, John was biting his lip and giving side-eyed glances to his cabin mates as Alex frantically shook his head no and began to walk over to the door.   
  
“J-just had a thought, sorry, I’m gonna go unpack now, bye, I’ll come back soon!” Alexander promised before slipping out of the door before they could even say goodbye, John growled at his cabin mates as Alexander slipped out, they both backed up with their hands up.   
  
“Turtle, Alex isn’t like us, he’s- turtle sensitive and you go poking him like that! Really!?” John backed both of his friends up against the wall as he had a small fit of tics, Hercules frowned and Lafayette just looked away with shame in his eyes.   
  
“We didn’t mean to, like, everyone else in this camp is so open and-” John cut Hercules off by collapsing to the floor, the two other boys cursed as they sat down next to John, a paralysis tic had taken over his body and he just laid there with an angered expression on his face as Laf and Herc dragged him to his bed.   
  
“Goddamnit.” John huffed, not bothering to continue the lecture as Herc and Laf both lied next to him as to make sure John was comfortable for the small period of paralysis he had to endure, something they were used to at this point but they felt a bit emptier this time.   
  
“Listen mon ami, we just wanted to help, th’o we’re going to try a bit harder to help next time because our poor Alex th’eems  to have a gho’th’t in his head and we th’all rid of it just like the movie you th’owed us that one time with the undead hunter’ths.” Lafayette gripped John’s hand as he just made small gasping noises instead of breaths.   
  
“I want turtle- Alex to be turtle- happy, man.” He managed to slur out, sounding incredibly high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, just a little thing- in this AU I tried to mix old historical illnesses the characters actually had + some more things I can project onto like John's fits of anger and his urge for Alex to speak for him, Laf's spontaneous energy spikes, Herc's snark + Ocd and Alex's constant thoughts and verbal responses to them, if you have any problem with this you can tell me and I will fix anything that needs fixing ) 
> 
> Translations for French:  
> Oh mon dieu, je m'excuse de vous frapper Avez-vous besoin d'aide ? Vous n'avez pas l'air bien - Oh my God, I am sorry I hit you, do you need help? You do not look well
> 
> Je parle français très bien- I speak french Very well
> 
> Je m'appelle - I am called
> 
> Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8


	3. Two butts and a Wordsmith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at 1am last night so the pacing for this chapter is flying all over the place and frankly I'm offended that I didn't re-write it but I'm tired, and dying internally so I'm gonna keep adding angst + fluff since I can only feel emotion when I am working, this is why I can't write good chapters XD 
> 
> Enjoy this odd mismatch (oh boy reference)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (also warning for abuse, blood, and cigars because I know ppl have triggers, I ain't disrespecting, if you want to skip to the fluff you can cntrl + F and put in TURTLE’THS because there are fluffy things in this chapter that you can read on it's own)

Alexander trudged his way through the camp, turned away from his friends as he slowly skidded through the bright green grass, too cheery for his taste, too bright even at the butt-end of the day, it hurt his eyes to even look at something like that.

His cabin was decorated much differently than the Revolutionary Cabin had been, paintings of little dogs scattered across the sides of the cabin and fresh-looking graffiti dripping down the front of the window, it was some sort of spray paint space with large bowl-sized planets spray painted everywhere with a few words he couldn’t make out.

Alexander stepped towards the door, pressing his palm against the wooden door and leaning in to get a hearken of what was happening in that room, all he could here was muddled giggles and broken sentences, Alexander was anything but amused by this already, but nonetheless he pressed the door in and wavered through the door.

“Hey twerp, you got the wrong cabin or somethin’? What’re you doing in here punk?” One of the teenagers took a lit cigar out of his hand and twirled it around his finger, puffing small clouds of smoke from his mouth.

“I-Is this cabin thirteen?” Alexander whispered, trying his best to keep his mouth as close-to-shut as possible in fear of breathing in their fumes of fog from the teenager’s cubebs.

“You’re damn right it is.” The other jejune teen huffed unenthusiastically, Alexander sighed and dropped his bag in the corner of the room, as far away from the two teenagers as he possibly could, his hands were shaking so he slipped them behind his back and stood tall on his heels.

“You’re our third cabin member?” The first smoker asked with an obvious snark in his voice as he marched his way up to Alexander, looking him straight in the eyes as he puffed smoke through his nose, his face was red.

“Y-Yes… I’m Ale-” The smoker waved his hand in front of Alex’s face and snapped his finger in front of Alexander’s face, he flinched and stumbled back to the wall on nervous feet, sweat pooling down his face as he shut his mouth as tight as possible, whistling tiny breaths in and out of his nose.

“Alexander Hamilton, we know kid, you’re all the buzz right now with your little outburst” He turned his head around to make another puff of smoke, Alex closed his eyes as it fluffed through his face.

“Charles Lee, and that’s my buddy Samuel Seabury over there, aight? Don’t forget it kiddo or I’ll make a pancake out of you.” Charles stepped away from Alex for a moment, placing his cig in his mouth and snatching Alex’s wrist with his hand, Alexander made no effort to escape as he was dragged to the beds and sat down, shaking with fear as he closed his eyes and counted to ‘turtle’ multiple times in his brain.

“We have some rules in cabin thirteen so you need to listen up.” Charles grabbed Alex by the hand and forced him to hold his fingertip out so he could kill off the lit cigar using his finger, Alex winced and made a small whimper as Charles threw the cubeb at the wall.

Alex opened one of his eyes nervously and gave Seabury his worried glance, for a moment he saw something in there, guilt maybe? It didn’t really matter as Seabury unlit his own cig on his pants and threw it at the wall as well.

“You gonna rat us out by saying we were smoking?” Charles asked, poking Alex on the chest, he felt extremely uncomfortable but just stayed put and shook his head no, clenching his fists into tight balls as Charles lit another cigarette for his companion.

“Alright, so here’s the deal, you cabin with us, you think with us, no ratting us out or you’ll get much more than a cig on your finger,” Lee growled, lifting Alex’s chin up to his face and gazed deep into his closed eyes as he blew some smoke into Alexander’s face.

“I-I… H-h-have bad…. L-l-” Charles puffed another cloud into Alex’s mouth his face began to heat up as he began to suffocate, grabbing his throat and coughing his lungs out.

Alexander ripped his hand away from Lee’s and began to bolt out of the door, and for some reason, Lee didn’t follow, he didn’t have the time to think about it as he hacked and wheezed to cabin 17 and banged his fist on the door.

“Oui?” Lafayette opened the door in his sleepwear, or in his case one of Herc’s huge shirts with a small little bob tied up on the side of his shoulder with his tennis shorts still on, he seemed rather unamused to be opening the door at this time, but his expression changed as he saw Alexander half-collapsed against his door frame, coughing his lungs out.

“Alexander? Mon ami!?” Lafayette quickly stepped out of his cabin and gripped Alex’s hand hard, and gently patting Alex’s back until he actually collapsed, Lafayette quickly grabbing Alex’s skinny frame and pulling his limp body up straight when he noticed something…

Alexander was coughing up blood.

“Alex! Okay I’m gonna get you to the head cabin… Th’o hang on okay?” Lafayette promised, bending his knees to scoop Alex up bridal-style, he was terrifyingly light but Lafayette didn’t mind that when he was rushing Alex through the camp in only his slippers and night shirt.

Past the cabins he ran, a few other kids turned to stare at Lafayette as he continued to sprint at top speed, some people cheered him on which only made him faster as his long, strong legs pounded through the mud until they arrived at the main cabin, Lafayette running his hand through Alex's hair as he kicked the unlocked door open to see Washington at his desk reading through the dozens of papers with everyone's information.

“MONSIEUR WA’TS’INGTON, MY FRIEND JU’TH’T HAD A COUGHING FIT AND HE’TH COUGHING BLOOD UP, HELP!” Lafayette screeched upon entering with Alex’s exhausted and wheezing frame cooped up in his comfortingly strong arms, Washington had rushed over from his desk to take Alexander into his own arms.

“Alright, deep breath in Alex, I’m going to sit you upright, try breathing through your nose.” Washington set Alexander down on one of the benches in his office and straightened his back up, Lafayette sitting there with quivering hands as he caught his own breath.

“Good…” Washington commented, staring Alex deep in the eyes as the breath finally came to him, Alexander cupped his hands around his mouth and spit the rest of the blood out into his hands only to have Washington and Lafayette frown.

“I’m going to get you a tissue, Lafayette do you know what caused this?” Lafayette shook his head at the comment and raised his finger up in the air.

“He just came to my cabin and th’tarted choking and coughing so I ran him over here.” Laf explained to the camp instructor as he brought Alex’s cloth over and began to dab around his cheeks, not only to mop up blood, but also tears.

“Mon ami are you crying?” Lafayette asked, stating the obvious as he scooted over to Alex and wrapped protective and gentle arms around his new friend as he shivered each time the cloth was dotted onto his cheek or hand.

“C-c-c-can I… I-I want to s-s-sleep outside… t-tonight…” Alexander wheezed out, only to be stopped by Washington who put a supportive hand on his back so he didn’t begin coughing once more, Lafayette was swaying his legs back and forth as he planted a small peck on Alex’s cheek, just barely grazing the skin.

“We can th’leep out’th’ide then, I can get Herc and John away from the fire and we can all get in our th’leeping bags and th’leep when we get out okay?” Lafayette spoke gently, Alexander sniffled roughly as Washington finished cleaning Alex up and presented a small black, orange and yellow braided bracelet in front of him.

“Alexander, coughing up blood isn’t a normal occurrence, you had a stupendous fit there and I think you should have this bracelet, it’s for people who can't handle smoke, we have a lot of people who make fireplaces at this camp so we’ve been giving out bracelets like this for a while, I think you should have one so a fit like this doesn’t occur via one of our fires, okay son?” Washington explained, handing the beautifully braided string bracelet to Alex so he could consider it, and he did, slipping it onto his wrist and bowing his head as a small thank you to the instructor.

“Aw Alex, you're going to love John’ths bracelets! Maybe he can th’how him yours, he has so many cool colour’ths and I wi’th I could have one!” Laf gushes as the two walk their way out of the office, Alex stumbling more than walking as he stared at the bracelet on his wrist.

_You're vulnerable, weak, now Washington is presenting your weaknesses to everyone he can, you could have just sucked it up to Lee but you failed again. Worthless._

“Alexander?” Laf gently nudged Alex’s shoulder and knocked him back into reality where he looked left and right for any danger before sighing in relief that it was just Lafayette.

“Okay, go get your th’leeping bag from your cabin and I'll get John and Herc from the fire, okay?” Lafayette looked like he was ready to run a marathon in his sleepwear as he awaited any form of response.

They'll gut you if you go back, just like you deserve to be, a prize mounted to the wall.

“I-I don't have a sleeping bag…” Alex whispered in a rush, Lafayette tapped his forehead.

“Do not fret, I am rather intelligent and I will find a way for you to sleep outside soundly!” Lafayette dashed off on that note, leaving Alex to his thoughts and horrors.

He ran away, he doesn't have a solution for you, he hates you and you’ll lose him like you've lost everything else, you're just a bad omen.

Alexander found himself standing blankly in front of cabin seventeen, his thoughts drifting him in and out of his depressing spiral of self-doubt that pulled at his stomach and made his hands feel too alive.

These thoughts had been with him for a while now, always unpleasant, like a little demon whispering constant urges in his brain such as the fact like he had the ability to kill everyone in the room if he had a single knife, or that a simple snap of his very own neck can end his life in an instant, it never occurred to him how unnatural the thoughts were so he lived with them as they gradually grew.

_Everyone's going to forget you eventually, nobody truly knows the first name of the first human being ever named so why should they know your name?_

_People are powerless In the grand scheme of things the only powerful people are the ones who have mad money._

_In the greater picture, drinking that dish cleaner might do the world better and there'd be a new announcement that suicide is bad, thus saving more_

_If you eat more food it will become an addiction and if you gain an addiction to food then if you're on withdrawal most of the common helpers with withdrawal is no longer in your possession so therefore you shouldn't eat any of your meat tonight._

Alexander would be lying if he said they never hurt him, they constantly did, he felt more aware because of it, his cheeks constantly burning and his lungs scolding with heat constantly but most of all his heart had sunk to his feet, he could feel and hear the unwelcome noise of something popping and snapping deep within his internal workings on a rare occasion.

_Scream or tell me 'no' out loud like a freak would._

“I'm.. not a freak…” Alex whispered to himself, still staring at his bracelet with a large pout on his lip, he was sitting down now.

“TURTLE’THS AND CLEAN BOY ARE HERE!” Lafayette screeched as Herc and John bounded over with huge smiles.

“Hi, Alex!” John exclaimed his wrist tweaking and neck jolting as he sat next to Alexander, his face was practically glowing as Alexander gave him a big smile back.

“Aw, dude you got a bracelet! Sweet!” Herc commented, staring straight at Alex’s wrist.

“Dude- turtle, you've seen my collection. Alex check it out!” John began to roll down his soccer socks to reveal multiple bracelets on his ankle.

Green, purple and blue, blue, salmon and yellow, black, gray and two shades of shiny purple and a bracelet made of rainbow strings with one gray string twined through the middle with a small charm dangling off of it, his leg looked amazing in all that rope bling.

“This one is because I can have tic seizures.” John pointed to the rainbow one only to have Herc and Lafayette both laugh hysterically.

“That one is because you are a big gay turtle!” Hercules exclaimed, only to have John flush bright pink as he pulled his sock back up and grumbled something about his friends being pricks.

“Well you are gay John!” Lafayette noted as he and Herc skipped into the cabin to get the sleeping bags, giggling to each other as the door closed between them.

_You can tell him, you can tell him and he'll just call you a-_

“John?” Alex whispered under his breath, closing his eyes and praying John missed it.

“Yeah Alex?” John asked, turning around to sit next to him and stare him right in the eyes, they were misty and nervous.

Alex's heart was racing with possibilities, he'd told barely anyone before John yet now he was suddenly about to spill a secret he'd kept since his cousin died, the idea had haunted him for ages after his old episodes that seemed to make him feel, truly feel, it felt way too good for his own liking but now without even thinking he was going to become vulnerable and open to much more harassment and people making such a small thing some huge fit, he'd never wanted it to be such a huge 'character flaw'.

“John… I-I… um… I… I-I like boys as well.” Alex hushed, looking down at his feet embarrassed only to feel a gently set of arms wrap around his frame.

John was hugging him in a warm embrace, just in that moment Alexander had felt something he hadn't in a very long time, his cheeks felt fuzzy, not the static fuzz he got when he got anxious, and his heart leapt up into his throat, he wanted to suffocate this feeling away but it was too nice to handle, he was safe, free and perfect in that moment, no judging or anything, he didn't even notice that he had flinched right before the touch now that he had sunk into it like John was made of Jell-O.

“I'm proud you came out to me Alex.” John pulled out of the hug as to not startle Alexander and the two held hands in silence; John’s tics had disappeared for the moment.

John was biting his lip hard, he'd never admit to Herc and Laf about his dumb crush but it seemed all the more like it was something that was possible that he couldn't help but feel giddy at the scenario, Alex was so shy and him being so strong to tell John, _he told me!!! He's comfortable with me!!!!_. His wordsmith was happy and he couldn't be any more joyful with this huge step he had finally taken, John truly knew little about Hamilton but he could tell that in this moment Alexander had felt free.

Alex, on the other hand, felt his heart sink deeper into his chest, John had been the first one he told, besides Peter before he bit the dust, he felt empty, like he had just revealed something that now needed to be flaunted, he just wanted to be normal and not be it in and of itself, the feeling he had previously felt had been pushed back into his chest as he kept the smile wide on his frame, the fuzzy feeling in his cheeks still remaining as the only artifact from the experience. _I'm_

“One of us is going to have to either share or sleep on the ground!” Herc announced, throwing the sleeping bag full-force at John, knocking the boy over as he began to spit out curses like it was a poem, Alex couldn't stop himself from giggling.

“I for one will not be resting on the th’olid ground!” Laf announced, rolling out his thin sleeping bag and stuffing himself into it, it was decorated like a French flag and looked homemade.

“Im seconding that notion! There is no way I'm getting dirty on the filthy ground” Herc stuck out his tongue and carefully situated himself into his medium, blue sleeping bag.

“I can share with Alex.” John shrugged, Alex nodded his head as John rolled out his large sleeping bag decorated in hearts and turtles just like his lunch bag.

John gestured Alexander into the bag then slid himself in, the two boys touching shoulders and holding hands in the bag, Alex felt safe with John even if he did fidget and tic.

“Let'ths play a game!” Laf suggested with the other boys hooting and hollering at the recommendation.

“Truth or dare!” Herc announced with no objections from the other boys, Alex turned to John and whispered something into his ear only to have John whisper something back.

“I'm starting!” John announced dramatically, the four boys chuckled as John hummed the jaws theme (with a few turtle tics thrown in there) as he shimmied his outer hand out of his sleeping bag to point at Herc.

“Do you speak the truth- turtle, or do you risk your freedom of action?” John asked in a melodramatic tone of voice, Hercules made a small hmm noise and shot his own finger at John.

“I speak the truth.” Herc concluded, Lafayette groaned and shimmied deeper into his sleeping bag.

“If you were to- turtle, make out with one- turtle, girl here, who would you French kiss?” John puckered up his lips and made a smooching noise as Herc answered.

“Angelica Schuyler, we’re the OCD babes and we'd have some smoking hot kissing if we had to man,” Herc answered as each of the boys giggled, except for a very confused Alex who fake-laughed with them.

“Alexander do you speak the truth or give up or risk your freedom of action!?” Herc asked out of the blue, Alex swallowed roughly only to have John wrap protective arms around him.

“I-I-I, dare?” Alex choked out, Herc put on a devious smile and fidgeted around in his sleeping bag.

“Lick the grossest thing in your reach.” Herc dared, plugging his nose to add a dramatic flair that rivaled John’s.

Alex turned around for a moment in search of something before he found the perfect thing- a discarded, dirty paper plate sitting on the ground next to his sleeping bag, Alex grabbed it and watched as John turned away in horror as he bit off a piece of the plate and chewed it.

“EWWWW” Herc screeched as Alex spat out the plate, wiping his tongue on his sleeve and spitting into the ground a couple of times.

“Lafayette! T-trust me to a-ask you a question or allow me t-to control your very m-movements!” Alex asked still spitting onto the floor as John howled in laughter.

“Truth!” Laf defiantly stated, this time Herc and John booed him as Alex just thought of his question before quickly blurting it out.

“You inherit five million dollars by some big company but the day you are given the money aliens come to earth and are going to blow up the planet in two days, what do you do?” Everyone went dead quiet for a moment before bursting into laughter (besides John who stayed silent.)

“W-why are you l-l-laughing?” Alex could feel the threat of tears emerge as John held him even closer than before so their chests touched awkwardly.

“It wa’th a creative que’th’tion! I loved it!” Lafayette retaliated, Alex eased up once more as he awaited his answer.

“I’d pay one person two million to kill the American president then I’d inve’th’t in making a big bomb th’helter that all of us can live in so we don't die, it would be a very fancy bomb th’helter.” Lafayette stated as the crew all nodded, Alexander yawning and curling into John.

“The wordsmith is tired, we shall give him rest…” the boys all shuffled around in their sleeping bags, giving each other ‘goodnights’ until they were settled in, Alex tucked safely into John’s arms.

“Goodnight my wordsmith.” John curled so he faced Alex and ran a hand through his hair before pulling it away  _no dude, that's creepy_ , John just turned around and let Alex sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all'didn't've just called me out 
> 
> Oh wait nobody did??? 
> 
> Oh nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○oooooooooooooooooººººººººººººººººº°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°


	4. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a thing with titles don't I? 
> 
> ALSO CONTENT WARNINGS!!!!

“Do you wanna know who I de’th’pise?” Laf asked, the boys were out on an early morning walk, truthfully Alexander was in no condition to be going for this ‘early morning walk’ as he woke with a medium fever in John’s comforting arms, but as to not worry his friends he had joined them.   
  
“Who do you hate this year Lafayette?” John rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist a couple of times.   
  
“Benedict Arnold! That a’th’hole left the camp for King’ths Th’ummer and just blew Wa’th’hington off in court and robbed like, two hundred dollar’ths from him.” Lafayette fake-gagged as the other boys groaned and rolled their eyes, Alex just stayed silent, shuffling closer to John’s side as he bit down a rather unfortunate memory.    
  
_ “Alexander, in your words, explain how Mr. Eacker has been treating you…” Alexander had been besieged by his own tears in that moment as he had been called to the attention of everyone; repressing lamentable actions that his foster parent had caused deep into his chest as he whispered out his response. _ _   
_ _   
_ “He hit me.” Alex whispered under his breath only to have John quickly skid to a stop and gently grab Alexander’s wrists, inspecting his face only to find fresh tears rolling down his eyes and his frame beginning to quiver.   
  
“Alexander?” John gently raised one of his hands to cup Alex’s cheek, using his fidgety thumb to wipe the tear from Alex’s cheek, Herc and Lafayette had just went silent at this point, their laughing was a small thing in the past.   
  
“Alex? Can you look at me please?” John requested, his head tweaked to the right for a moment before jetting back into position as Alex shivered and began to make a high-pitched whine, John took the opportunity to pull him into a silent hug.    
  
_ “Alright Alexander, can you sit up, this won’t be long, just look up at me.” Now he was in a doctor’s office with his social worker, Ms. Kitty Livingstone as she went by was standing next to him, making no effort to try and comfort him as the doctor removed his shirt much to his displeasure. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “P-p-please d-dont… T-t-touch me.” Alex had whispered to the doctor, he smiled a tranquilizing smile as he scanned Alex’s body, marks from belts and fists and bloodied spleen injuries that needed stitching, the doctor had left the room only to be replaced with another one who had done nothing to help him rather than putting venomous-feeling stitches through his infected wounds.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Alright, you’re going to have to feel a bit of pain but I just need you to stay still…”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He can’t sit still. _ _   
_ _   
_ “PLEASE STOP IT PLEASE STOP IT.” Alexander screamed, tugging desperately at John’s shirt as his legs gave out underneath him.     
  
_ Now he was in a small orphanage downtown, the only boy in the whole place, girls being rowdy and rude as they stripped their beds. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “You call this clean!? This is a pigsty! Get over here NOW!” Alex had come to the front of the room, his legs quivering as the nasty lady made her way to where he stood. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Why do you shake like that, freak?” She had a paddle in her hand and grabbed him by the arm, more pain for him to endure, everything was beginning to stack up and now he couldn’t feel his legs or back as the world around him became yellow. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Do we get a medic!?”    
  
_ The sky is yellow, yellow sky means rain… Rain… Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, pain. Pain shooting through his body like a bullet, lungs filled with clouds, clouds pour rain in sheets, raininsheets, rain comes down in what? Sheets, raincomesdowninsheets, pain is in his spleen and lungs, his mother is in pain, belt is pain, lot’s of pain, he doesn’t want pain, enough pain, no pain, pain is natural, pain isn natural, pain isn’t natural, pain is not natural, pain is NOT NATURAL, Alex, Alex, Alex… Pond with turtl- Water and rain, turtles, rain, Alex, Alex, ALEXANDER HAMILTON, it will be over soon dearie- mijo, mi hijo, mi tur, turtle, turtle? Alex, Alex, it’s no- okay. It’s n okay, it’s okay? _ __   
  


“Alex, please, we got you, okay?” Someone was speaking to him, gently and carefully, perfectly, soothingly, all the words he didn’t think of came back to him in this moment.   
  
“U-u-un?” Alexander whispered in a hoarse, shaky voice, his entire body was filled with the sensation of touch that it burnt every single fingertip and bone in his system.    
  
“Yes- turtle, deux…” John counted, running his hand through Alex’s hair gently, as he continued his counting, much slower than he had counted before.    
  
“Trois.”    
  
_ You’re not there anymore. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Quatre, cinq...”    
  
_ You’re safe. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Sept huit,”   
  
_ John is safe. _   
  
“Turtle.” Alexander concluded, John smiled wide and pulled Alex closer as Alexander let out the last of his sobs, his throat once more was dry and humid at the same time, like he had just swallowed water that began to dry out, like saltwater.   
  
“You’re safe, do you- turtle, think so?” John asked, rubbing Alex’s back with careful precision.   
  
“I-Is there… S-s-saltwater?” Alexander whispered, John shook his head no and smiled as Alex visibly relaxed, his breathing slowing to a more even pace as John began to stand him up, Hercules and Lafayette were both still standing there, now holding their bottles of water over to him to drink from, Alex hesitated before doing so.   
  
“I-I… I didn’t… I-I didn’t take my m-m-m-medication.” Alexander whispered so only John could here, he nodded and took the water bottle out of Alex’s hand and began to lead him back with a steady and slow pace, his mind was set only on Alexander as the crew all marched back to cabin seventeen.   
  
“Do you want me to come with you, Alex?” John offered, making sure it was Alexander’s decision in the end, he didnt want to snoop into Alex’s cabin, a safe space for him he imagined, Alexander took a moment to consider this, John wouldn’t be upset if Alex chose no for if it made Alexander more comfortable it was worth it.   
  
“N-no thank you.” Alex whispered, pulling his hand away from John’s as he quickly began to march away, his head pounding unnaturally and vision slightly blurred, everything was too bright, especially the sky, but he’d rather stare at the blue than the green on the ground that he was sick of staring at.   
  
The door was already open to the cabin, which was strange seeing how Lee and Seabury obviously liked their privacy, but as he entered he found himself staring in utter confusion as Lee and Seabury held out a pill bottle in front of him, shaking around the pills inside of it with huge dopey smiles on their faces.   
  
“We’ve been waiting for you! It says you need daily doses and you look rough kiddo, how about you take your pills, okay, we’re sorry for being jerks.” Lee sighed and dropped his shoulders, handing Alexander his pill bottle and gaining only a thankful nod from Alex as he swallowed his pill dry.   
  
With that, Alexander bolted out of the door, not minding the fact that his lungs were killing him and that his hands and body ached in protest, he just ran straight back to cabin seventeen where John, Laf and Herc were all blasting their crazy music from inside.   
  
“Don’t stop looking in my eyes!” John had sang out, he was standing, hand and hand with Lafayette, Alex covered his mouth and turned away from John in embarrassment as John and Lafayette began singing a very loud tune together.   
  
“So what’s it gonna be?!” John had sang out beautifully as Lafayette began to chant something with John.   
  
“TONIGHT!” The two harmonized with each other and hit the notes beautifully, John, the more experienced singer, taking the much higher note as Lafayette settled for the lower one, Hercules joined Lafayette to strengthen the low note the further they got until they finished, both of the boys out of breath as Herc paused the music to clap.    
  
“We’re showing Alexander Heathers today mes amis.” Lafayette clapped his hands together, jumping up and down with excitement as Alex made a nervous chuckle and nod, only to be dragged over by John who sat him down on the bed to look up a bootleg of the musical.    
  
“Alex, you’re gonna love it and start- turtle, belting those big notes with us!” John bounced happily on the bed, his wrist ticing as he clicked the video and layed down on his stomach, resting his head on his hands as his head twitched a few times.    
  
\---   
  
Freeze your Brain was playing on the screen as Alex began to feel… Different, not in a good way either, his body was buzzing, he felt incredibly numb especially when he had a fever, his bones also began to feel a bit more secured into place.   
  
“C-can we pause for a second?” Alexander questioned, Herc quickly leaned forwards to pause the video before they all sat around Alex and he tested a few things, blinking, flicking his tongue, biting his lip, he felt nothing.    
  
“I-I don’t feel anything…” Alexander whispered defeatedly, John raised an eyebrow but still pulled Alex closer to him, but Alex couldn’t feel his hand on his side, it freaked him out.   
  
__ This might just be how normal people feel, after all pain isn’t natural…

“What medication are you on?” John asked, pressing his hand against Alex’s cheek as he stared the other boy in the eyes.   
  
“I-I’m just on… It doesn’t matter, but I’ve never been numbed by it b-before and it’s not a side affe- oh.” Alex automatically registered what had happened, why Lee and Seabury looked so happy in there when giving him his pills, they switched out his medication for something else and put it back into Alex’s bottle.   
  
“Alex?” Lafayette questioned, leaning around to see Alex’s eyes well up with tears only to be bit down and replaced by another emotion, John held him close as Alexander fell into another abyss of colour and noise, this time it only lasted two minutes before he snapped back, breathing heavily as he ripped his hand away from John’s and lept off the bed, landing harshly but feeling nothing before running all the way out of the cabin.   
  
“I’m sorry…” John whispered, this had been the second time Alexander had ran away, if he had only been a bit more careful maybe Alexander would have felt good for once and stayed through the musical, John buried his face into his hands and began to whimper to himself before getting comforted by Herc and Laf.   
  
“Why can’t I- turtle, make him- turtle, happy…?”    
  
\---   
  
“WHAT THE HELL!?” Alexander had yelled, slamming the door open with as much force as he wanted to, though his hand was randomly rendered useless after the impact for a good three second due to an imaginary phantom pain, he noticed on his first glance that Samuel wasn’t there.     
  
_ Way to make an entrance. _ _   
_ __   
“Kid, are you actually stupid!? Painkiller med switch-out is the most classic scheme here and you just accepted your pills thinking we were nice old sissies, I’m not a faggot like you kiddo, you need to figure that out.” Lee stepped forwards, grabbing Alex by the collar of his shirt, he flinched and made a small yelp, quickly regretting his decision to come here.    
  
“So, did you rat us out with that little talk you had with Washington? I see that bracelet you’re wearing and you’re not gonna wear it anymore!” Charles ordered, grabbing Alex’s wrists and harshly yanking off his anti-smoke bracelet with a snap Alexander couldn’t even feel.    
  
“I didn’t, I didn’t, I promise!” Alexander couldn’t feel it but his eyes began to swell and pour fresh tears from them as Alex made an uncontrollable sniffling fit, trying to yank his hand away from Lee’s as best as he possibly could.    
  
“Oh really? So I’m guessing you won’t be ratting us out when we do it now, will ya kid? No running out of here this time!” Charles had lit one of his cigars and began to take a whiff of it before opening his lips to blow it at Alexander, he closed his eyes and shut his mouth as tight as he could.   
  
“Are you a pussy? Open your damn mouth kid before I shove this cig in your mouth!” Charles ordered, Alexander took the moment to flash a sentence through his head before shouting it out.    
  
“MAYBE YOU’RE THE PUSSY FOR NOT PICKING ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN DAMN SIZE!” Alexander quickly freed himself from Charles’ grasp and balled his fists, panting heavily even though he physically didn’t know why it seemed so hard to breathe, he couldn’t feel anything.   
  
“You better watch your mouth kid or I swear I’m gonna-” Lee approached Alexander and loomed over him, Alexander quickly socked Charles in the jaw with his fist, only to get grabbed by the wrist and kicked in the spleen, Alex doubled over before getting to his knees to escape Charles as fast as he possibly could, a dull pain aching from his spleen as he struggled to move his legs fast enough to escape the hell cabin.    
  
He stopped for a moment to take a gander at cabin seventeen, biting his lip hard and staring down at his spleen, he couldn’t feel it but he knew it couldn’t look good for the last time he was hit there it was- nevermind.    
  
Alexander bit down his original decision and continued to run, through the undergrowth and all the way to the large duck-shaped lake, coincidentally named mallard lake, Alexander sat himself down, hugging his knees close to his chest, he never truly did get his medication, did he?   


_ You finally did it, after five years, you let it all go, you’re no freak, you’re a goddamn monster, you’re a monster and all your friends will find out and they’ll leave you, they’ll figure out your ugly personality and they’ll be scared, they don’t care about you, they just need an excuse to stop helping you and they’ll stop being your ‘friend’.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Maybe that excuse is the lake…  _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander stared down at the water and lowered his shaky hand to touch it, watching the ripples spread out.   
  
_ They’ll never see you again, they’ll be happy and sing their songs, you can just sit at the bottom of the lake in a neverending dream where you’re normal, you’ll never be normal, so just… go… Just go… Why not? Look at you, you’re already a diseased freak, can’t you see? Haven’t you looked? _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander felt his saliva clot in his throat as he craned his hands down to his hands to inspect a thing that he had seen once before, his hands were bright yellow.   
  
_ You’re the eye of the hurricane Alexander, you’re just bringing disaster with you. _ _   
_ _   
_ It was jaundice, he had woken up to a fever because it was all coming back to him, the pain, the suffering, the fevers, mental instability in four different flavors, and he couldn’t feel it, all he could do was sit in unbelievable phantom waves, waves of pain and realization, he was just a walking virus, wasn’t he?  _ Is it in your eyes yet? No. You have time to run and hide it away, you need to hide it or you’ll infect everyone. _ _   
_ __   
“Nobody needs to know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby boy baby. *points to Alexander*
> 
> Evil. *Points to Lee*
> 
> Okay things are heating up kiddos


	5. Seabury, Schuylers, Jaundice and John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bomp bomp bomp,,,, I love torturing characters
> 
> ~Trigger warning for this chapter, what happens will be added to the tags but just a warning rn~

Alex had heard all the questions since he began to hide himself away, at first it started with the  _ ‘why is he wearing a sweater it’s blazing? _ ’ then it slowly began to gradually increase to more concerned-sounding, coming from people including his close friends.   
  
_ “Do you think he’s okay?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ Alex had began skipping breakfast with the group, settling for one watermelon slice and one of Lee’s insane painkillers, then going to an abandoned fishing cabin out by the lake and sleeping for the rest of the day with the lurking pain of one thousand needles poking his spleen and a million anvils falling on his head, this was his new routine and it had been working, no hikes, no interaction, nobody else needed to go through it, they were safe in his mind.   
  
But now it was a new morning, Alexander had began to get sick of the same sweater and sweatpants he had on every day, though by existing less the threat of Charles had weaken significantly, it still existed, but Alex was willing to take the risk for the sake of being more comfortable in his lonesome.    
  
Alex trudged past flocks of kids, he could hear John, Herc and Laf all making friendly welcomes before asking him multiple questions about watching movies or going into the forest that Alexander disregarded, his heart ached for him to go back and hike with them but the little voice in his brain scolded him to keep going, to spare them.    
  
It took Alexander a moment to steady himself as he pushed open the door to cabin 13, his eyes shut from behind his orange sunglasses as he made his first few steps into the cabin, no smell of smoke, no Lee, he was safe, Alex opened his eyes to see Samuel standing by Alex’s bed with his arms crossed. _   
_ _   
_ “Okay, you’re gonna stay right there, please.” Seabury begged, tiptoeing past Alex to close the door, Alexander was too exhausted to even talk back or run or even cry so he just walked over to his bag and fished out a new sweater and set of pants, only to have the sweater quickly get snatched out of his grasp.   
  
“G-g-give it back!” Alex whined, making a dry cough under his breath as he raised a sweaty, gloved hand to snatch it back, Seabury only put it on the top shelf of one of their dressers then proceeded to grab Alex’s hands and kneel to be face-to-face with the shivering boy.   
  
“Okay, let’s have a man-to-man talk for a moment… Alright?” Seabury said in a calm voice, like he’s recited this to himself all week, Alex tried his best to pull away and Seabury let him, tensing up in case Alexander bolted for the door.    
  
“W-what?” Alex whispered, pulling his hood further over his head so it obscured his forehead, Samuel frowned as Alex shivered and coughed a few more times.   
  
“Okay, yes, I’ll admit it, me and Charles are assholes, but like kid, everyone in the damn camp is concerned about you because of all of this, you smell like you died a month ago and you’re wrapped up like a mummy in the middle of summer, do you need your medication back? Because I’ve had it in your bag for a while and I’ve checked every day to see if you’ve taken it and you haven’t been, yet Lee keeps cursing your name because his painkillers are gone, what’s happening?” Samuel dropped his shoulders in defeat, begging for answers.    
  
“...” Alex didn’t respond, he only held his hand open, requesting the clothes get handed over to him, Seabury tensed and moved Alex’s new change of clothing even further back on the shelf until Alex stepped towards Samuel shakily before removing his sunglasses.   
  
“Oh my god… Kid...” Samuel whispered, covering his mouth as Alex quickly put them back on, his eyes were bloodshot, yet they were bloodshot  _ yellow _ , Seabury just stood back in shock and quickly grabbed Alex’s clothing, apologising before running right out of the cabin.   
  
_ Good job, freak, now Samuel is going to tell everyone you’re a freak because you can’t control your damn actions like some sort of monster, he said you were a mummy and smelled dead, you’re an undead freak and you’re going to infect everybody, so why don’t you just- _ _   
_ __   
Alex took another dose of the nearest medication he could find and slipped into the washroom to change, stripping out of his sweaty clothing and shivering from the feverish cold he had gained before slipping into his new coverings, taking a real good glance at his uncovered hands and eyes before slipping his gloves and glasses back on in disgust.   
  
Back to the lake house he marched, John, Herc and Laf all waving to him once more, John even having the grand idea of walking up to Alex and attempting to make small talk by asking about the weather, Alexander only made a hoarse whine and ran off on weak and sore legs, he truly was going to run himself into a ditch at this point, even with all the numbed pain he could feel the exhaustion creep through his veins.

\--   
  
“John… Our friend th’eem’ths to not be well, we need to confront him.” Lafayette said, placing a hand on John’s shoulder, he had began to cry again, this had become a more recent trend, Alex would just run away and John would cry, his ticking fits became more natural and he began to get daily seizures,  _ what did I do wrong? Why does my wordsmith hate me so? He does not speak the words that bring me peace anymore… _ _   
_ __   
“H-h-h-he… Turtle, turtle, turtle- want- turtle, to be al- turtle, alone so…” John’s breathing speed rapidly increased as he chanted turtle multiple times under shaky breaths, Herc and Laf both stabilized him as best as they could, he had began to smack his leg uncontrollably and curse under every breath.   
  
“John, are you having another one?” Herc asked, John couldn’t respond, just collapse to the ground and flail uncontrollably, that automatically registered something in Hercules’ brain as he began to remove all the picnic items and sticks from his path as Laf stripped off his shirt to put under John’s frantic head.   


“We need to do th’omething about thi’ths…”   
  
\---   
  
Alex had ended up collapsing next to the water in a coughing fit, his head ached and muscles burned with exhaustion from their overuse, he felt like he was being baked in a damn oven as he shut his eyes tight and sank deep into his thoughts of just rolling into the water and drowning.   
  
_ You can spare everyone… _ _   
_ _   
_ Alex began to turn his hips, raising his hands up to his head as he lazily flopped into the water, not bothering to take a deep breath as cold overtook his body, his body didn’t flail or make any signs of panic as he just gently began to splash underwater.   
  
“HOLY S-” Was all Alex heard before his head dipped underwater, sunglasses floating off his face as the murky water surrounded him, his oxygen supply beginning to decrease drastically, he could hear nothing but the sounds of paddles in the not-too-far-off water and bubbling noises in his head.   
  
_ SPLASH _   
  
Next thing Alex knew two strong arms were wrapped around his waist as he was dragged back onto land, Alex’s mouth gaped open as he inhaled sharp and heavy breaths, gasping and clawing back at the lake only to get lifted and placed down even further from it, dry, raspy coughs ringing through his ears.   
  
“It’s that Alexander kid!” A chipper girl said, placing a hand on Alex’s forehead only to have it smacked away as Alex desperately clawed at his hood to pull it over his face.    
  
“Hey, can you hear me?” Another concerned but sweet-sounding girl asked with entanglement overlapping any other emotion in her voice, she seemed truly dumbfounded by Alex coughing, such a simple thing causing such a huge reaction- or maybe it was the fact that he had rolled himself into the water.    
  
“Peggy go get a medic, okay.” A third girl stated, her voice more confident and collected, Alex quickly made a distressed squeak in protest opening his eyes wide and shaking his head no as he continued to cough and wheeze.   
  
“Let’s just... get him back to our cabin, okay Angie?” The sweet girl had decided, he felt his limp body begin to be curled up and transported as he continued to wheeze and shiver, chills running down his sweating spine as he tried his best to stay conscious.    
  
Suddenly a towel was being dabbed all over him, and another one was draped around his shoulders like a cape and a nice warm drink was put close to his mouth that he sipped without hesitation, sputtering as he tried to catch his breath again.   
  
“Okay, bud, we’re going to get you some of Peggy’s clothes and talk, okay?” The sweet one informed.   
  
_ You’ll infect this poor, innocent girl if you take the clothes, do you want to do that? Do you want to kill another innocent person because your illnesses Alexander?  _ _   
_ __   
“N-no.” Alex stated, hugging the towel around him closer, the three girls all paused for a moment before one of them stomped off into the cabin’s bathroom, this was when Alexander finally opened his eyes, blinking and squinting a his eyes adjusted to the world without his sunglasses.   
  
Two of the three girls stood in front of him both with different expressions on their face, one of them with concern, another one with confusion.   
  
The concerned-looking girl had soft caramel skin, a yellow scrunchie tying her wet and frizzy hair up and a soaked yellow-striped tank top and soaking overalls covering them, her pale lipstick and mascara were all over her soaking face but other than that she looked relatively okay, besides the fact that she had a soaking cast with different signatures on it on her left wrist, Alex could pick out John’s shaky signature just faintly on the cast.   
  
The confused girl on the other hand had a bronze-mocha complexion, a red scrunchie tying her hair into a back into a frizzy bun on the back of her head, she was wearing a similar outfit to the other girl’s, white off-the-shoulder crop top with a red striped longsleeve and neat shorts with little dangly strings on them, everything on her body was perfectly straight and matching, the strings on her shorts perfectly even with matching earrings and socks in.   
  
“Alright, so question, not sure if you’re okay with answering, but what’s up with you, everyone around here is concerned about your disappearance, you’re like a ghost to everyone and John, Herc and Laf are seriously concerned.” Angelica crossed her arms, her hip shooting out to one side as she asked the question, only to be mimicked by Peggy.    
  
“I-I-I’m fine.” Alexander whispered, hugging the towels even closer so he was wrapped in a protective cocoon, the rushing of water couldn’t escape his ears even if he covered them.   
  
“Eliza has a bath running for you, so you can go have that, what cabin are you in? I can go grab you some of your own clothes.” Peggy offered, bouncing on her toes as Alex considered this before nodding, he couldn’t infect anyone if it were his clothes.   
  
“Cabin 13…” Alex whispered, his face contorting as he spoke, trying not to hold back any tears as he avoided all possible eye contact from the girls as Peggy had quickly sprinted out of the house in her flip-flops   
  
“Alright, I’ll help you up, then I’ll just leave you in the washroom, we have soap and all that in the normal compartments, you can use mine, it’s in the dispenser with the red label.” Angelica instructed, grabbing Alex’s hand and helping him off the bed with shaky feet, he stumbled and wobbled until he was in the washroom with another girl.   
  
This was the sweet girl, fair skin with slender eyebrows and a flatter complexion than her sisters. Her eyes were gorgeous, Alex couldn’t help but feel his face heat up even more, though he wasn’t sure if that was the fever or not. She was wearing an adorable blue striped sundress and huge floppy sunhat with an adorable bunny rabbit necklace, she gave Alex a sweet smile before stepping out of the room.   
  
\---   
  
“I’m telling you girls, it’s jaundice, he has something up with him.” Angelica whispered to her sisters, they were all sat down in a circle as Alex splashed around in the other room, Peggy sighed to herself as she made a light facepalm like she just did the worst thing in the world.   
  
“No wonder he’s been hiding, he probably thinks he’s an alien or something and he’s scared.” Peggy whispered back, looking at Eliza and Angelica with sad eyes.    
  
“Okay, how about we just get John, Herc and Laf over and they can all talk to Alex, then we take him to Washington, sure we have medical training but the boy is in pain, I can tell.” Eliza suggested in her soothing voice, still trying to calm her childlike thoughts from creeping up on her, something about that Alexander boy tickled her in a way, not in the way she felt tickled with her ‘friend’ Maria, but still tickled.   
  
“Okay, for the record, I am not going out again, I just changed and I’m tired and my hand hurts and I had to deal with a very distressed Seabury at cabin thirteen.” Peggy fake-gagged and collapsed backwards onto the fuzzy carpet.   
  
“Okay, so I’ll get the boys then, and you two watch out for Alex, make sure he doesn’t die or whatever, be back in a second!” Eliza smiled, standing up and quickly bolting out of the house barefoot as Peggy and Angie sat in silence.   
  
\---   
  
“John, mon ami, just take a deep breath, it’ths all over now, okay.” Lafayette shushed, Herc and him had carried John back to the cabin after his tic fit and lied him down on the bed as he regained consciousness.   
  
“A-A-Alex…” John whispered, gripping the sheets hard as he uttered out more curses only to have Herc and Laf wrap their comforting arms around him.   
  
“We know, John, deep breaths, we’re gonna talk to Alexander when you calm do-” Herc was cut off by the door bursting open, Eliza had kicked the door open with her barefoot as she always did and just skipped inside without invitation, eyes .   
  
“Hey, um, so we caught your friend trying to roll into a lake and drown and he’s in our cabin right now and we wanted to bring you there to speak to him maybe, he sounds awful and exhausted so I just thought his friends should be there with him, y’know?” Eliza shrugged as John quickly spat out strings of curses and hisses, his eyes welling up with more tears as he lept off the bed and quickly bolted for the door with Laf, Herc and Eliza behind him.   
  
“John! Mon ami! Th’low down! Alex will be there when we arrive!” Laf begged as they ran through the campsite, obtaining odd looks from the other campers, John had been cooped up and sad ever since Alex had done his little disappearing act so running wasn’t something he did much of anymore, Lafayette truly wasn’t sure if he’d collapse half way there at that speed but they ended up making it.   


“Hey, boys.” Peggy greeted as John scanned through the room looking for Alexander, tapping his foot impatiently before being lead in by Angelica, she pointed towards the bathroom door and John didn’t hesitate before slipping into it without invitation while Herc and Laf both awkwardly stayed out of the washroom with the girls.   
  
“Turtle- Alex!” John dropped to his knees as he saw Alex sitting in the tub with a dazed expression which quickly snapped back to reality, Alex’s bottom lip quivered for a moment before he curled into himself, looking away from John with slumped shoulders.   
  
“A-A- Turtle, Alex- turtle, I’ve been so worried- turtle, about you! W-what’s going on?”  John pleaded, placing a gentle hand on Alex’s bare back, John took a moment to inspect his body again, his back was oddly yellowish and sickeningly sweaty and pale.    
  
“No… N-no I-I-I didn’t want… I-I didn’t want to i-in-infect anyone, J-John y-you can't t-touch me!” Alexander exclaimed, John frowned and quickly turned Alex around to cup his face, Alexander’s eyes had squeezed shut with tears.   
  
“Alexander, turtle- you needed to go to a doctor- turtle, and you never told me! G-g-goddammit Alexander I-I’ve been so worried about you! I-I thought you… I thought you hated me, Alex!” John spat, tears rushing up his own face as Alex began to tremble and shake once more, John quickly bent over the rim of the tub and embraced Alexander gently as the other boy sobbed and whimpered.   
  
“I-I-I, I j-just…” John quickly shushed Alexander and ran a few fingers through his hair, hands getting covered in Alexander’s cold and damp hair.    
  
“Turtle- you need to get dressed, we’re taking you to Washington, I-I just want you to be safe and happy, okay?” John instructed, reaching a stray hand down into the tub to pull the plug before handing Alex one of Peggy’s towels and the t-shirt and shorts Peggy had grabbed for Alexander.     
  
John had to assist Alex when it came to steadying him as he put on his shorts but he managed to get into the outfit before clinging to John like a koala as John made a few vocal tics as they entered the living room where the sisters and boys were all chatting through their teeth about something Alex couldn’t make out exactly.   
  
“We’re- turtle, taking him to Washington.” John announced as Herc quickly shuffled over so Alex could be transported into his arms, he had gotten lighter, much lighter, Herc almost wanted to puke at how easy it was to hold the boy and how much it had to have hurt.   
  
\---   
  
“Mon’th’ieur Wa’th’hington!” Lafayette announced, bounding into the camp manager’s cabin like it was his own home, Washington put down some paperwork and put on a light smile, bags under his eyes apparent as he lazily opened his eyes up as wide as he could to see the boys all enter.   
  
“Alex- turtle, is… Turtle… he’s- turtle, sick.” John explained, quickly rushing over to George and gripped his bicep pointing at Alex as he spoke.   
  
“Ah, please, bring him with me, I had sent Seabury out to find him earlier, he seemed very distressed when he came in.” Washington hummed, getting up from his chair and grunting at all the effort it took for him to lift himself out of it, the boys and Washington all walked into a subsection of Washington’s cabin, there was a man at his own desk and four empty beds, the man smiled and looked up.   
  
“Hello boys! What seems to be the matter?” the plump man stood, his hair tied into a busy looking bun as Hercules gently placed Alex onto one of the unoccupied beds, he had managed to fall into a feverish sleep at this point, John quickly dashed to Alex’s side and gripped one of his hands as the Doctor walked over.   
  
“Dr. Franklin, this is Alexander, he’s been absent from breakfast, dinner and some hikes for a while.” Washington explained to the doctor, he nodded with his bright smile that seemed to be glued onto his face while he worked.   
  
“Oh, I’ve heard all about him George, don’t worry, I’m ‘in’ with all the drama, besides, Seabury came into my office after speaking with you and explained all of his concerns, I’ve gone through his sheet but found nothing.” Benjamin Franklin explained, gently patting Lafayette on the head, most of the camp’s staff knew and loved Lafayette and Laf loved them back just as much, though his mind was more focussed on his friends.   
  
“Dr- turtle, Franklin- turtle, i-i-is A-Alex going- turtle, to… b-be okay?” John asked, turning to the doctor with hopeful eyes as he had begun his procedure, checking Alex’s pulse and heartbeat, sticking multiple objects into his ears and gently pinching his eyes open without waking the sleeping boy.   
  
“Well, to state the obvious here, he either has malaria or yellow fever, maybe even a mixture of both, jaundice isn’t necessarily the most common side effect to get, my guess is that he has some sort of malaria, and if he does then getting him out of the woods environment to take him to some sort of controlled environment like a hospital may be optimal, he has a fever of  99.5°- but besides that he should be fine.” Franklin concluded, the kids all looked relieved as George kept his normal expression.   
  
“Well, if it isn’t much trouble, we can assign one of the instructors to drive Alexander to the nearest hospital, it’s only a ten minute drive from here, so we could either do that now or let Alexander rest in the medical cabin until tomorrow.” Washington said, Franklin simply nodded over to Alexander.   
  
“We could assign William and Benjamin Tallmadge, they do have a large enough van to bring Alexander and his friends.” Franklin concluded, the group all nodded as Washington and the others walked out of the room, besides John.   
  
“Turtle- sleep, wordsmith.” John pressed a gentle kiss against Alex’s forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the reference: Alexander Hamilton did fall ill with both Yellow Fever and Malaria in his life and this fic was to capture the illnesses of the characters (or just headcanon or projecting) so I could shove it in a fic and make it a modern kidfic (tm)
> 
> ALSO FOR THE REFERENCE HERE ARE THE AGES OF THE KIDDOS:  
> Alexander - 13  
> Herc - 14 and 1/2  
> John - 14  
> Lafayette - 12 and 1/2 (he's tall and strong but also smol??!?)  
> Angelica - 17  
> Eliza - 14  
> Peggy - 12   
> Burr - 14  
> Samuel - 18  
> Lee - 17 (yes he smokes underaged)  
> Washington - 30  
> Ben Franklin - 31  
> ~more to come~


	6. Operation Help Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help me I love these kids

“Good news is, you brought him here before any serious damage could be caused by the malaria itself and it should only take about three days to heal while the jaundice is going to need a drug prescribed to him that he’ll take for two-three weeks-” The doctor began.   
  
John, Herc, Laf, the sisters Washington and the two Tallmadge's were all present at the hospital, they’d been waiting there for a hour, this wasn’t all out of the blue for Camp Washington, seeing how almost everyone at the camp was sent there so Washington could help them with whatever they needed help with, that’s why he had rented the land near a hospital after all.   
  
“Bad news is that the malaria most likely will flare back up during the summer and his spleen is in bad condition, like somebody had kicked it bad on top of it, he has multiple bruises and it’s a bit concerning-” Washington cut the doctor off by standing up from his seat and staring the doctor in the eyes.   
  
“I assure you, we will take care of Alexander in this state Doctor Bayard, and as for the bruises, we will look into the source further, I am aware that Alexander does not have correct medical papers, most likely because he was in the foster care system- and we know how bad that is. It seemed to me that the only thing I actually got when his foster parents signed him up, that he ‘had issues’ and they ‘didn’t want to deal with them’ and they refused to send medical papers with the note that they simply had none. My apologies for that.”  Washington apologised, bowing his head low as Dr. Bayard waved a hand at him.   
  
“No need, sir, I know well enough not to go under the influence of the whole ‘every patient needs medical papers’ thing that we’re being forced to do now a days, Alexander is sick and it’s my job to help him and all of your campers, it is no issue that he has none.” Dr Bayard smiled, before walking over to the anxious children who looked at the doctor with hope yet also concern in their eyes. Dr Bayard crouched in front of John, who had begun to cry once more and curl into a small ball.    
  
“You’re allowed to see Alexander now if it pleases you, though he’s currently a bit feverish, no loud noises in there, okay?”  Dr. Bayard smiled wide as all the kids nodded before getting out of their seats and navigating through the busy hospital that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.   
  
John had been to the hospital once before after a bad seizure one time and had been informed it didn’t work like another one, pretty much everything in the camp’s district had worked differently yet better than most modern camps or hospitals or convenience stores, after all, the district was rather rich, but it still struck him the wrong way to walk down the oddly lit paper-bag-brown hallways.   
  
Alex was lying in the bed, he was awake and biting his nails and squirming in the sheets as sweat rolled down his head, he was hooked up to a few machines and the heart monitor was beating steadily.   
  
“J’ohn?” Alex whispered through his tongue, staring with wide, yellow eyes that gave John chills to look at.   
  
“Heyo, just wanted to check up on you, y’know.” John finger-gunned trying his best to stay cool, Alex made a rough chuckle before making a few hoarse coughs, John was right at his side and wrapped his chubby hand around Alex’s slender one, squeezing it gently.   
  
“Maybe we should just leave you two alone.” Eliza suggested, giggling at her own intentions, though something inside her begged for her to learn more about Alexander.    
  
“Mmnnno, I like y’all.” Alex decided, flopping around on his hospital bed to get into a more comfortable position before groaning and slipping into his thoughts again.   
  
_ They are only here to give you pity because you failed your objective, there here so you don’t do it again so they don’t have to blame themselves for your own damn death, so they’ll leave when you get out of this bed, they don’t care about you Alexander so… just… give………..  _ _   
_ _   
_ “Alex?” Laf gently shook Alexander in his bed, Alex was unresponsive, his eyes welling up with tears as he let out a high pitched whine, John, Angelica and Eliza all began to try and comfort him, Laf and Herc had whispered supportive words into his ears as hey stayed motionless in his bed, sweaty and feverish.    
  
_ Give up, give up, they don’t care, they don’t care at all… They only care to get ******* only to get P****** Po***** Pop**** Popu*** Popul** Popula* Popular… That’s all they want. _ _   
_ _   
_ “You don’t know them… You don’t know that…” Alex whispered, everyone went silent and listened to him talk to himself.   
  
_ How do you truly know that, sure, John gets all nice with you and Laf and Herc are also ‘nice’ though you still run away like it’s fire, you’re a bad friend and they don’t need you, they don’t need you… They don’t need you… _ _   
_ _   
_ “They don’t need me, they don’t need me at all… T-t-t-they just… They just p-p-p-pity… M-me for…. P-p-p-p-popularity.” Alexander whispered, this was when John quickly began to shake Alex, tears welling up in his own eyes.   
  
“Alex that’s not true, that isn’t true at all!” Herc informed, snapping Alexander back to reality like clockwork.   
  
“Yeah dude, I may have had to save you from drowning but you seem pretty cool.” Peggy finger-gunned with a wink only to have Angelica groan and grab Peggy’s hands to put them down to her sister’s sides.    
  
“You heard that?” Alexander whispered, sinking into the hospital bed’s sheets as they all turned to each other and nodded.   
  
“You can hear  __ him? ” Alex asked, his lip quivered a tiny bit as he shuffled uncomfortable, the kids all stared at each other emotionlessly.   
  
“You- turtle were saying how we only needed you for- turtle popularity, but if that wasn’t Alexander then that’s chill- turtle, dude.” John smiled, still a tad concerned under his kind eyes.    
  
“O-Oh I thought you read my mind.”   
  
\---    
  
Midnight, visiting hours had been over hours ago and Alex had ended up falling asleep sometime around 6pm anyways in the middle of a hazy conversation about orange juice and vinegar, the crew all sat in a circle in cabin 14, the Schuyler cabin, each of them on their different devices with sour candies lolling through their mouths.   
  
“Okay, so, sorry to bring this out of the blue but I`ve been thinking about Alexander…” Angelica announced, removing the red earbuds from her ears as everyone else did the same, looking at Angelica with ‘no duh’ looks on their faces.   
  
“What else is new Angelica.” Peggy mocked, rolling her eyes and popping the candy in her mouth a few times.   
  
“No, I’ve been thinking about what kind of situation he’s been in before the camp, before us, k’know?” Angelica informed, this got everyone’s attention quickly as Angelica turned around her computer to show a full powerpoint presentation titled ‘Alexander Hamilton, the unheard story’.   
  
“Alright, so first slide, what we know about Alex!” Angelica tapped the spacebar as a generic yet satisfying animation played, introducing the group to the next slide.   
  
“We know Alex speaks to himself, he’s in the foster care system, he has malaria, BPD and anxiety and most likely depression if you think back to his incident and he has a stutter and he’s a pure bean that needs to be protected.” Angelica stated, the audience all nodded as she clicked the next slide, titled ‘foster care system’.   
  
“Okay so, I’ve done research on the foster care system and it’s really bad, and it’s full of orphans, so my theory is that Alex’s parents died and he was put into the foster care system and he’s been placed into a bad house, you heard what Washington claimed they called him!” Angelica crossed her arms, both Peggy and Eliza did the same while the revolutionary set all frowned as Angie tapped onto the next slide ‘Other possible traumatic scenarios’.   
  
“Okay, so, I have the right to believe Alex has had an issue with illnesses in his past, seeing how he freaked out whenever we thought of taking him to the medic and he refused to take Peggy’s clothes which I’ll interpret as he didn’t want her getting sick even though malaria does not spread like that.” Angelica began, John nodded at the statement and allowed her to continue.   
  
“Alex has obviously had a traumatic past or even just traumatic life in general, he has anxiety and depression and attempted suicide and all that, so I believe more happened to him than just his parents dying but that’s up for debate, but speaking of trauma that brings me onto my final point.” Angelica tapped the space button to reveal the final slide, ‘Him’.   
  
“I’ve been wondering about this as well.” John whispered under his breath before Angelica began.   
  
“It’s obvious that he has a bit going on in his head, like a constant train of bad thoughts that feed him, and he talks back to it so It think he might have a voice in his head, like, how do I even put this, because I think it’s a form of depression but I haven’t had depression and Alex talks about it like it’s another entity and maybe it’s imaginary thoughts coming from someone that was mean to him or something and he vocally responds to it? I don’t know…” Angelica shrugged as everyone else in the room did as well.   
  
“Whatever it is I-I want to help him with it.” John announced, puffing out his chest proudly before sucking it back in and smacking his leg very unenthusiastically.   
  
“Operation help Alex is a go now! I will create some sort of method of communication since not all of you have phones, namely Peggy and Laf.” Angelica shot an unenthusiastic look at Peggy and Lafayette simply shrugged and chuckled.   
  
“We could keep the window in our bathroom open and the boys can keep the window by their beds open and we can paper airplane our notes through the window into a little bucket or something?” Herc suggested, John and Eliza both turned to him and ‘oood’ in agreement.   
  
“Sounds cool, we could do that or make a very elaborate machine that sends letters to each other, like a closeline that goes into your house and drops in the letter then it knocks something over or weighs a light basket down and then it makes a whole chain of events happen until it rings a little bell like a letter text or something.” Peggy thought out loud, John clapped and finger gunned in Peggy’s direction.   
  
“Eyyy that sounds cool- turtle.” John remarked, Angelica nodded in agreement.   
  
“Yeah let’ths make th’omething like that in each of our cabin’ths! We can th’teal thing’ths from the craft room and use th’hoelace’ths and take apart lamp’ths and th’tuff!” Laf spoke, bouncing up and down in place with a goofy grin stretched across his features.   
  
“Everyone hands in!” Angelica announced, reaching her hand into the middle of the room, everyone else stacked their hands on top of it.   
  
“Un.”   
  
“Deux.   
  
“Trois!”   
  
“RISE UP!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO'S READY FOR OPERATION HELP ALEX!!??!!?


	7. Big Fun! Big Fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tooth rotting fluff coming your way because I can't control myself

Three outstretched days in the hospital, Alexander could barely remember what happened during them, he only remembered slipping into his head only to be woken by his friends standing around his bed, reassuring that whatever he was saying wasn’t true, Alexander never understood it, could they read his mind or something? Alexander was too groggy to think of the fact that he might have been vocally responding to his brain.   


But now he was in a vehicle, John on one side and Eliza on the other, both whispering things to Alex and patting his back, John shuffled a small bit so he could wrap his hand around Alex’s and grip onto it shakily, his head jolting to the side a few times before stopping as he relaxed his brain completely.    
  
The entire car ride was silent besides the music that Ben Tallmadge was rocking out to in the front seat, he had also become a pretty close friend to Alexander during his short stay in the hospital, quite the loud and ambitious boy but Alex didn’t mind much.   
  
“Hey Alex, how about when we get back we all finish watching Heathers, we never did finish-” Herc started before being cut off by Peggy who woke everyone in the car with her booming voice.   
  
“ALEX NEVER WATCHED HEATHERS?!” Peggy screeched, John suddenly began moving again, his hands ticking away from Alex as he cursed under his breath every few seconds.   
  
“Margarita Peggy Schuyler you’ve got to be kidding me.” Eliza facepalmed in unison with Angelica, the two of them groaning at their younger sister as she giggled and raised an arm in the air, shooting her hip out to the side so it hit Hercules.   
  
“OW What the hell!?” Herc nudged Peggy away from him only to have her hit a sleeping Lafayette, god knows how he managed to sleep through everyone’s sudden screaming, well, a magician never reveals their secrets.   
  
“What’ths-a goin’ on?” Lafayette slurred, yawning and shooting his arms up in the air only to slap Peggy straight in the face, Alexander couldn’t help but make a small giggle at everyone’s antics, that automatically shut everyone up.    
  
“W-what?” Alexander quickly closed his mouth, his bottom lip shooting out as he curled much closer to John, the only one who wasn’t silent in the car.   
  
“The boy  _ can _ smile!” Ben remarked, reaching behind the front seat so he could pinch Alex’s cheek jokingly, Alexander scoffed and began to chuckle again, only to be joined by everyone in the Tallmadge van.   
  
“Alright kids, we’ve arrived back at the camp!” William announced, unlocking all the doors in the Tallmadge van and watching the giggly children all filter out of the van one by one, Alexander stumbled just a small bit, clutching his spleen and hissing at the dry pain that shot through it, John was right there beside him, holding his free hand and rubbing Alex’s back as they made it back into the camp before Alex stopped.   
  
“W-what if they’re weirded out by jaundice and-” John squeezed Alex’s hand to stop the train of thought before patting Alexander’s back playfully.   
  
“Alex, if anything they’ll think you’re a magic- turtle yellow man, but if worse- turtle, comes to worse you can wear- turtle your hoodie if you really want to, we’re- turtle gonna be spending most of your recovery time in the cabins anyway.” John said, dragging Alexander into the camp with the rest of the squad by his side, smiling as they entered the camp, a bunch of kids were all sitting down at the picnic tables and a large banner had been hung up, Alexander squinted to read it.   
  
_ Welcome back, Alexander! _ _   
_ _   
_ “W-what?” Alex whispered, holding John close as his friends all skipped ahead to meet up with Washington, who was swarmed with kids climbing all over him as he waved at Alexander and John as they walked over to the picnic tables, even Seabury was at the picnic tables, smiling and waving with a regretful look on his face.   
  
“Welcome back, Alex! John over here thought it would be a good idea if we started a party and I told him if he got one fifty signatures then we could put one on so he went around camp and came back fifteen minutes later with seventy signatures so we decided it was only right if we threw you a party.” George explained, patting Alex on the head gently as he stared at John, speechless with a big smile on his face, John smiling right back as a single tear rolled down his eye from under his sunglasses.   
  
“Aww, Alex!” John cooed, pulling his friend into a warm embrace and feeling the small spark light up in his chest when Alex hugged back with shaky arms, a bunch of other children flocked around the two, welcoming Alexander back with large smiles on their faces, none of them were forced.   
  
“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! That’s what I’m talking about! Now let’s get this party started!” John shouted, raising his fist in the air, Alexander did the same as the entire camp chanted.   
  
“RISE UP!” a huge choir of voices rang as a familiar song began to jingle from the background, Alexander turned to face the place everyone was crowding around only to see the Schuyler sisters all dressed up like the Hheathers on a very old looking stage, Alex remembered seeing on his first day, fake-harassing another girl Alex hadn’t seen before who was dressed like Veronica.   
  
Alex laughed out loud when the girls began to dance just like John, Herc and Laf did on his first night, passion and grace and beautiful singing voices as the girls all danced around the stage, everyone clapping and laughing.   
  
“I’ll be back in a bit Alex, I need to go grab something,” John whispered before slinking off into the crowd of people just as Eliza sung her short-lived solo number only to get cut off by Angelica, Alexander couldn’t believe the fact that everyone he met seemed to have a voice like an angel.   
  
“Hey, kiddo, how’re you doing?” Seabury shuffled over, gently tapping Alex on the shoulder, who turned to Seabury with a half-smile, his shoulders shrugging at the question.   
  
“I’m feeling better, physically still a bit icky but internally I’m happier than I’ve been in a while, thank you for your concern,” Alexander spoke before turning back to the song, Seabury gently patting Alexander on the back only to notice his struggle as he looked over a sea of kids, without consent, Samuel scooped Alex up with little effort and rested him on his shoulders so Alexander could get a better view.   
  
“T-thank you?” Alexander said, dumbfounded at the small act of kindness the previously evil-like guy seemed to have committed, but he pushed his confusion to the side so he could watch the Schuyler’s finish,  __ where is John anyway? Alexander wondered as the girls stepped off stage, he clapped and smiled as the girl dressed as Veronica bounced over to the mic stand that had been set up on the old wooden stage.   
  
“Hey! It’s Maria Lewis here and just to remind y’all, we’re dedicating this night to Alexander Hamilton who just got back from the hospital, so can everyone give Alex a big round of applause please before our next act!” Maria smiled brightly and pointed to Alex who was still mounted on Samuel’s shoulders, everyone was clapping and hooting and Alexander truly felt alive in that moment.   
  
“And now! For our next act! We have a song from the one and only turtle boy, John Laurens!” Everyone in the audience hollered and clapped as John rushed out onto the stage dressed in a flowy white dress that a few people whistled at, Alex buried his face into his hands and made a small wheeze, who knew John could pull off a dress.   
  
“I peered through windows, watched life go by…” John started, his voice light and fluffy as it danced through the lyrics he was singing, thoughts of dreaming of tomorrow and recollections of the past holding John back, Alexander was simply mesmerized at how light John could sing and how steady he could be in front of an audience. 

  
“If someone like you, found someone like me…” John was staring Alexander dead in the eye as he sung, grabbing the microphone as he fluffed his dress playfully, continuing his song while still staring Alexander directly in the eyes with an unreadable expression as he made it to the second verse.   
  
“So many secrets I’ve longed to share, all I have wanted is someone there…” John sang, Alex could have swooned if it wasn’t for Seabury holding him up on his shoulders, John could sing like an angel if Alex was a wordsmith John was a song-artisan.    
  
When the song had finished Alexander could swear that his heart had leapt up to his throat as John lept off the stage and ran through the crowd, Samuel had quickly taken Alex off of his shoulders and retreated as John leapt forwards to attack Alex in a hug, the two stayed there as the crowd cheered, Alex and John both in tears even as they pulled apart to look at Maria Lewis as she introduced Herc and Laf out to the stage.   
  
“Enough of that sappy turtle guy over there because we just wanted to say thank you to everyone who helped set up the old stage again and everyone who signed the petition and who came for our new camper Alexander, it’s been a joy this week at camp and we’re gonna be here for another hundred of ‘em so let’s make sure we make em all last!” Herc announced and raised his fist in the air, Alex took hold of John’s as they both raised their fists in a tight embrace.   
  
“RISE UP!”    
\----   
  
Midnight, Alexander and the boys had left their cabin a while ago after watching Heathers on Angelica’s laptop, Eliza and Peggy were wide awake in the cabin with Maria Lewis lying next to Eliza, Angelica had gone out of the cabin to pick up a late night snack from the food cabin.   
  
_ Ding! _ _   
_ _   
_ The girls all looked up to see their contraption had a little letter in the drop-off-basket and the bell they set up had rung, the ‘Letter Line’, Eliza smiled and walked over to the basket to pick up a letter.   
  
“What is that anyways?” Maria asked, blowing up a small bubble of bubblegum in her mouth before popping it, Peggy leaned over to whisper something into her ear and she nodded with realization as Eliza read it to herself.   
  
_ From Turtle to Blue Bird -  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I’m gonna confess to Alexander in two days time and I want some help, should I sing him a song or write him a poem or something like that??? I’m nervous and I need help but Alex was so happy tonight watching us perform and watching heathers and he held my hand and I think we truly did something good tonight and I just want to know how I could possibly top all that to confess to Alex…?? _ _   
_ _   
_ “Oh my god,” Eliza smirked, her grin shining like the sun and giddy with glee as she squealed and jumped onto her bed, Maria yelping as she got bounced all around the springy bed like it was a trampoline.   
  
“What?!” Peggy exclaimed, leaping onto Eliza’s bed so she could read the letter.   
  
“I’m writing the response! I call dibs!!” Peggy announced, leaping off of the bed only to have Eliza leap off and tackle Peggy to the ground before she could reach her yellow notebook, instead Eliza smacked the notebook away so she could get her blue one and blue glitter gel pen.   
  
“Get off me, sis!” Peggy screeched as Eliza sat on Peggy as she wrote down her response to John, Maria giggling on the bed as she read the letter Eliza had left on the bed.   
  
_ From Blue Bird to Turtle _ _   
_ _   
_ __ GET HIM, BOY!!!!!!! GOD, Alex practically fainted when he saw you in the dress, take him to a pretty place in the camp and craft up some invention that makes something say will you go out with me like you’re a smart guy GET YOUR BOY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE SONG JOHN SANG IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU FROM JEKYLL AND HYDE LISTEN TO IT IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND I HAVE TO SING IT AS WELL


	8. I Wanna Be With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter BUT IT'S SETUP FOR MORE FLUFF ENJOY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“Alexander…?” John nervously wobbled over to the boy, it was the middle of lunchtime and Alex had been enjoying a little container of crackers as he sat alone at one of the picnic tables, having more of an  _ I want to be alone _ day.   
  
“I’m s-so sorry for not sitting with you I-I’m not sick I promise!” Alexander hung his head low, his shoulder slouching as he bit his lip and pulled his crackers closer to him, shivering in his seat as John sat next to him and wrapped his hand around Alex’s, swallowing roughly before pulling Alex out of his seat.   
  
“Come with me.” John smiled, his head twitching to the side as Alex grabbed his cracker packet and followed John through the camp until they were out by the lake, Alex flinched for a moment seeing the lake for the first time in ages, his throat closed slightly before he realized John was with him, John was safe.   
  
“Alright, stay right there, don’t move- turtle.” John took a few steps forward before pausing, his head jerking back to face Alex.   
  
“Close your eyes as well, okay? Like, count to one hundred- out loud- turtle- preferably.” John put on a nervous smile before tiptoeing his way away from Alexander when he was confident Alex wasn’t peeking and when his voice was shaky but loud after each number.   
  
“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Alex quickly uncovered his eyes and blinked them open to see John in the middle of screwing something together before pressing a big button on his contraption which shot a shirt out at Alex.   
  
“Y-you made a shirt cannon?” Alexander giggled picking up the shirt and hugging it close to his chest, John pouted and stomped his foot into the ground.   
  
“Put it on!!” John instructed, Alex sighed and shoved the shirt on, looking down at it so he could try and figure out what it could possibly say on there, it took a bit of squinting to make out but he finally figured out what it read.   
  
_ Date Me? _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander looked up to John frantically, his hands quickly folding together to cover his mouth as he looked away, embarrassed all of a sudden as his knees quivered, John frowned and stepped over to Alexander so he could tilt his chin up so they were eye-to-eye.   
  
“You can s-say no- turtle, if you want to.” John looked down at his toes for a moment before being embraced by a slender figure, John’s face lit up like Christmas lights as Alexander let out a little squeal and began to hop in place like a little schoolgirl.   
  
“Yes yes yes yes yes!” Alex chanted hugging John even closer than before, the two young boys both jumped around by the lake until they were knee-deep in the freezing water, tackling each other with hugs until they both fell into the water for a moment, Alex on top of John as they giggled and swam around in the shallow water.   
  
“Why do you wanna date me anyways, are you stupid? Because I-I’m the last person you wanna go out with John.” Alex sat upright in the water as John swam right over to him, wrapping his legs around Alexander and pulling him close.   
  
“Because you’re my wordsmith, and you’re funny- turtle, and you’re cute- turtle, smart and just a joy to be around what’s not to love?” John smiled only to see Alexander frown and tremble, pushing himself away from John for a moment.   
  
“B-because I’m messed up, and I’m a scaredy cat, a-and I’m not t-t-the best person and I-I-I y-you just love me out of p-p-p-p-pity right? Right?” John quickly swam over to pepper kisses all over Alex’s face as he began to cry again.   
  
“No no no, Alex everything I said was true- turtle, we’re both messed up- turtle, It’s okay to be scared or- turtle, not the best person, I love you for who you are Alex and I want our love to- turtle, make amends and such.” John watched as Alex began to brighten up with ever kiss he sprinkled onto his new boyfriend’s face, Alexander took a moment to consider something before gently pecking John on the lips, then he waited, and waited.   
  
John pecked back, both of them sitting in the cold water and chuckling to themselves, no talking, just hugging each other and laughing at seemingly nothing but the thought of them actually being together, they were  _ actually _ ‘a thing’ now and Alex was happier than ever.  
  
“Alex, can I ask you a- turtle, question?” John asked out of the blue, Alexander looked up at John with an urging smile as he buried his face into John’s chest and nodded.   
  
“Turtle- sorry if this is- turtle, too personal but… Why- turtle, do you talk to your thoughts when you begin- turtle crying? Sorry- turtle, I know it’s probably personal-” Alexander took a moment to consider something before shushing John.   
“I-I don’t know, I still dont g-get it that often b-but there’s a… Familliar voice in my head that whispers bad thoughts to me… I-I’m a bit scared of it.” Alexander admitted, staring off into the distance as John hugged him close and picked Alex’s weightless body out of the water with little effort.   
  
The two dragged each other through the park until they arrived back at cabin seveneen, soaking wet and laughing to themselves as they entered to see the Schuyler sisters and the rest of the boys all sprawled out against the floor.   
  
“You two had some fun.” Herc winked, standing up so he could grab a towel from their towel holder as he threw one over to each of the boys, watching as they helped dry each other off like dumb little schoolgirls.  
  
“So we have some news!” John announced, throwing his towel onto Herc’s face causing him to screech and throw it at Angelica, who threw it onto Peggy who rolled it up and smacked Lafayette with.   
  
“Oui?” Lafayette batted his eyelashes at John with anticipation as Alex suddenly backed up behind John with an awkward expression glued onto his face for a moment before John just blurted it out.   
  
“I’m dating Alex!” Everyone in the cabin began to squeal with delight, congratulating the two and chanting that they should kiss, it took Alex a moment to process the fact that  __ they actually accepted it  before John’s lips were on his once more and clapping and shouting were no more than a blur.   
  
He was happy.


	9. Sunshine Lolipops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***use of homophobic slurs, warning, this ain't a fluffy chapter

“John?” Alex poked his stomach, staring in the mirror in his cabin, Seabury had managed to get Lee out of the house, though it meant he had to endure a bit more smoking and things that personally bugged him, he was overjoyed when Alexander first told him about how John and him were dating and the boy seemed overwhelmed that Seabury had set them up a date in cabin thirteen.

“Yes, Alex?” John peeked into the washroom to see Alex only wearing his sweatpants, his skin still traced yellow slightly, John didn’t mind it in the slightest as Alexander poked his stomach again, cringing.   
  
“John am I overweight?” Alexander poked it a few more times and stared at John with sad eyes, the other boy shuffled in and took Alex’s hand, looking him straight in the eyes before chuckling out loud.   
  
“Alexander- turtle, if anything you’re- turtle underweight, besides, I love you no turtle what, okay?” John purred, pulling Alexander into a gentle hug and leading Alex out into the main cabin room where John threw Alexander a tank top with a few buttons and pins dotted around it.   
  
“Alex, I thought you had a bracelet for smoke, did you lose it?” John scanned Alex’s body for his bracelet but it seemed to have vanished out of thin air, what he did find was Alexander frozen in place like he’d been paralyzed, John cursed under his breath and began to try and grab Alex’s hands.    
  
“N’o!” Alex squeaked backing away from John until he hit the back wall and fell over with a yelp, curling up into a small ball and whining out loud, John was quickly at his side whispering things to him.   
  
“Hey, Alex, can you hear me? Turtle- can you try and look at me Alexan- turtle, Alex? Alex?!” John had reached out to Alex but he rocked backwards with a yelp, John quickly backed up and whispered out an apology multiple times, trying to figure out what he said.   
  
_ John knows, he knows your weak and smoke, smoke, you would never die from smoke the world doesn’t let you die, you’ll never die, never die, never, John’s gonna die, John’s choking, John is dying and it’s your fault your fault he’s gone. _ _   
_ _   
_ It just kept coming and coming, everything in the room was too bright through Alex’s closed eyes and the sounds, my god the sounds were everywhere and they kept getting louder and louder and louder until his ears popped and they were all gone, everything was gone, Alex was shaking and trying to scream or something as water filled his lungs.   
  
_ You goddamn freak, why did I even bother thinking you had a chance, why did you- _ _   
_ _   
_ His stomach felt bloated and squeezed at the same time as everything had begun to crash and burn, he was gasping on air and choking the invisible smoke and water that was filling his lungs-  _ filling John’s lungs, John is dying, John is going to die because of you. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Useless, every part of you is useless, you’re weak, you’re small, you’re nothing but a bad omen, everywhere you go you cause havoc, everything you touch dies and rain- rain- no no no, raincomes, yellow, yellowsky, in her arms oh god oh god, mother? Mother!?  _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander felt his entire body scream in pain, his hands were on fire and static-y and his brain felt fried like it had been baking like a potato, every part of him felt dry yet wet and overwhelmingly sensitive, he could feel every part of his body individually but it all felt too strong, his back stung and ears rang out in horror as he suddenly lost all feeling in every part of his body and he was floating, drifting along in  _ water _ ,  _ water, water…  _ _   
_ _   
_ The voices vanished and he was left in a blank, black terrain, everything felt like it was caving in on itself as the feeling of water in his lungs vanished and he was alone in his shock, no hearing, no feeling, no thinking, he felt dead and invisible with short raspy breaths escaping his lungs at an alarming rate until he lost the ability to do that as well and collapsed into nothingness.   
  
“Alex? Turtle- Alex?! Alexander are ya’- turtle, are ya’ waking up now?” Alexander could just faintly make out the southern drawl present in the caramel voice that seemed to set his mind ablaze with buzzing, thoughts being thrown at him at blinding speed before he opened his eyes in shock, the entire room red from bloodshot eyes and a cloudy head.   
  
“Oh my god- turtle, ya’ gave me a heart attack Alex.” John huffed out, pressing a hand on his forehead and taking a large inhale and exhale before staring Alexander in the eyes, he looked confused, scared, ashamed and hollow at the same time, John’s lip tweaked slightly until it was a full frown when Alexander began to hiccup and sob.   
  
“S-so sorry.” Alexander whined through a rough pain in his throat that suddenly sent his nerves into overdrive, each of them waking up and beginning to feel again, it started off painful, wincing at the cold floor under him, then beginning to feel heat and a damp sweat rolling through the back of his hair and then a gentle hand around his waist, then another one, then lips on his head.    
  
“Y-you passed out- turtle, and I was so scared… I-I waited fifteen minutes a-and I was about to go get- turtle, the medics.” John explained in a hushed voice, holding Alexander in a gentle embrace and finally smiling when Alex made a small cooing noise and nestled himself safely into John’s arms.   
  
“Alex- turtle, do you still wanna have- turtle our date or do you want- turtle to just go back to my cabin and-” Alexander let out a raspy cough, cutting John off for a moment “Watch a movie or turtle, something…?”    
  
John gently patted Alex’s back and allowed him to take his time before he whispered something into John’s ear, he nodded and smiled, picking Alex up and leading him over to the table that had been set up and sat him down, smiling as he pointed to the food he hoarded from yesterday’s lunch time so he could make Alexander a platter of nice things that he had promised to bring if Alex set up the table.   
  
“John, are you mad at me?” Alexander asked with empty eyes, John shook his head no frantically and whispered turtle in a strange- almost seductive way causing Alexander to chuckle and slam his hand on the table, John did the same and the two giggled at each other.   
  
_ Creak. _ _   
_ _   
_ “What the hell is going on in here…”    
  
Charles Lee.   
  
John and Alex both darted their eyes up to Lee, Seabury was sweating bullets behind Charles, apologizing to Alex with only his mouth, no sounds coming out of his mouth as he constantly lip synched the words to Alex.   
  
“What is this?! The pride festival or something? What we got dress-up turtle fag and Washington’s little whiny pet in one room.” Charles scolded, taking a menacing step towards the two boys and pulling a cigar from his pocket, John quickly shot his gaze to Alex then back to Lee.   
  
“A-Alex isn’t good around- turtle-” Charles snarled at John and began to use a mocking hand gesture to mock what John was saying.   
  
“Turtle, turtle, turtle, turtle, oooh my boyfriend’s a sensitive snowflake just like me! Turtle turtle, jesus christ kid, don’t you have a damn filter, all you do is talk and shout and slam your fist on things.” Lee growled, Seabury took a nervous step into the room, swallowing roughly as he stared at his toes, not daring to look at the expression on Alex’s face.   
  
“Gay show’s over, get out of my cabin before I force you to and come back when you’re not a sissy-fag.” Charles finally stated, knocking the table over and lighting his cigar as Alexander’s breathing began to quicken as he quickly moved to cover his ears and whimper, John gave a shocked look at Lee.   
  
“You know what!?” Seabury quickly grabbed Lee by the back of his hoodie and quickly spun him around and pinned him to a corner, Charles stared defiantly at the other teenager and let out a low growl.   
  
“Back off Samuel, you’re better than this.” Charles tried his best to push Seabury away only to be smacked straight across the face, John took the opportunity to quickly carry Alexander over to the beds and pack his bags, whispering comforting things into his ears as he panicked.    
  
“Really!? Are you kidding me!? I,  _ I,  _ am ‘better than this’!? You go and harass our roommate for loving someone and not being as ‘perfect’ as you, sorry to break it to you! But you’re more ‘messed up’ then you claim these boys to be, do you think, do you  __ honestly think that they want it!? Do you? Honestly? What If I went up to you and began to harass your underaged smoking addiction, something that I may remind you is illegal…! so how about you back down from these kids and pull yourself together dammit!” Samuel hissed, smacking Charles across the face one more time until he was rendered speechless.   
  
“You goddamn son of a-” Samuel spat right in Lee’s eye before he could finish, he growled and lunged Sam into a chokehold, Alexander had began to scream and wail in the background as John finished packing up Alex’s bags, promising something to Alexander before trying his best to pick Alex and the bag up at once.   
  
“You, don’t you dare- ack- leave this- ahch-” Samuel pinned Charles down until he suddenly got socked in the jaw, Samuel stumbled back and quickly cursed, rubbing his jaw and feeling the sudden urge to cry seep through his bones, John quickly sat Alex down who was still sobbing and stomped over to Lee.   
  
“You, me, on the dueling grounds, dawn, that is- turtle, unless you want to go outside- turtle, now!” John hissed, watching as Charles began to smirk deviously, Alexander chanting no in the background.   
  
“Your funeral.” Lee hissed, looming over John as he made a few verbal and physical tics.   
  
“I didn’t know you were talking to a mirror.” John fired back, smacking Lee before grabbing Alex, Samuel behind him with Alex’s bag as they all ran out of the cabin all the way back to cabin seventeen where Laf and Herc were playing a rather intense game of jenga.   
  
“I’m gonna leave this here, I’ll see you at dawn.” Samuel whispered so only John could hear, he nodded and Sam slipped out of the cabin, leaving Herc and Laf to quickly swarm around John and lead Alexander over to John’s neat bed.   
  
“Alright Alex, I want you to breathe with u’th.” Lafayette instructed as John wrapped his legs around Alex and began to count breathing.   
  
“Un”   
  
Deep breath in, Alex stopped whining for a second so he could try and pick apart who was talking to him.   
  
“Deux, Trois.”   
  
Deep breath out, in and out, numbers and turtles, numbers and turtled, Alexander felt truly exhausted and let out a small whine to express this, John quickly pecked Alex’s forehead and began to tuck him underneath the blankets.   
  
“Sleep my wordsmith, sleep, we’ll be here when you wake, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, you know what's coming next


	10. Ten Duel Commandments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dueling is so hard to write when it's being done by a 13 year old and a 17 year old in a modern campsite so I tried my best

The moon still dim in the sky, air dry as the morning dew had begun to into the leaves of the plants on the ground, John was marching through the grass, he had thrown on the most padded clothing he had with him and had begun to trudge through the campgrounds, something fiddling in his fingers as he did so.

_“I’m just gonna go- turtle talk to Washington about getting you some more- turtle bracelets, Alex. ” John had promised, planting a gentle kiss on Alex’s head before turning to Laf and Herc with a determined look on his face as he fled cabin seventeen._

That was a lie, he knew exactly what he was doing, an old practice they had banned in the campgrounds years ago, ‘dueling’ was a controversial thing started by George Eacker when he was sent to the camp for one year because of some ‘meddling foster kid’, his anger had been taken out on so many students that year and yet the trade had been continued for two more years until Washington publically announced it would be a rule that no harm would be done purposefully.

John had never broken a rule in the campsites but now he was, for the first time, about to do something he swore to never to, only to protect his wordsmith from harm.

His feet quickly slowed to a stop as he gulped, standing in the middle of the campgrounds was Charles Lee, Samuel Seabury and Aaron Burr all looking rather anxious as John strolled up the hill with a nod of his twitching head. 

“Are we aware of the commandments in this duel?” Burr looked at Lee then to Laurens and they both nodded to each other as they shuffled over to where a little blanket had been laid out and placed two objects onto the blanket for inspection from Samuel and Burr.

“Please recite Camp Washington’s commandments for dueling-” Burr was cut off by Laurens who cursed rather loudly at an irritated-looking Lee, both of them clenched their teeth as they recited the ten commandments of dueling.

Number One

The challenge had been issued the day prior when Seabury, Hamilton and Laurens had all been damaged by Charles in his fit of rage, when the duel had been challenged by John- Lee had made no intentions of apologizing, therefore the duel would commence when the sun was high.

Number Two

John had chosen Samuel to be his second in the duel, Alexander was in no shape to watch it happen nor did John want him to see, so he had decided on someone who did have personal beef with Lee, Seabury.

Charles had pressured Aaron burr into joining him on the crusade, the young boy had taken the role of a second in many duels at the campsite and was a good person to call if you were dueling against the rules, he knew the ways the camp worked.

Number Three

Samuel and Burr had always been acquaintances, meeting face-to-face was no issue in this duel, after a quick argument Laurens and Lee could barely hear they regrouped by the blanket.

Number Four

The peace couldn’t be met, both Burr and Seabury had agreed on the duel and that taking it to Washington could be dangerous for some odd reason, Lee had a way with words and could easily persuade Washington to do his bidding at will, though the instructor was smart he was a softy at heart.

They took in the Virginian heat of the campsite and had prepared everything they needed in the early hours of the night.

Number Five

The duel had been set as the morning dew had begun to fall, right before the sun had risen, high and dry.

Number Six

John had left a note underneath his pillow for Alexander, just a simple and sweet one was written in messy cursive that had been thrown off a few times by his tics as he gently placed it under the pillow as Alex was still whining in his restless slumber.

Number Seven

Lee and Laurens both glared each other in the eyes, they wouldn’t compromise, there was no point in asking, Seabury and Burr had looked each other in the eyes as well and had began to fiddle with the items on the blanket before handing them to the duelers, John took a deep breath as the cold object was wrapped in his fingers.

Number Eight

Aaron and Seabury had began to discuss the matter at hand once more until they marched back to the campgrounds and allowed Laurens and Lee to get into position, back to back, as they began to recite a few words under their breath.

Number Nine  
The two turned around and glared each other in the passionate eyes, their lips began to curl around the numbers they chanted, John’s hands trembled as they took a few steps back.

“TEN PACES FIRE!” John and Lee both turned in the blink of an eye and chucked pointed darts at one another, John had quickly lept out of the way as Lee had winced as a sharp needle-like dark lodged itself into his side, John took it to the extreme as he lept at Lee and pinned the older boy down to the ground and began to throw repeated punches at Lee.

“YOU- ASSHOLE- DARE HURT MY WORDSMITH, DAMMIT!” John had screamed as Lee tried his best to fight back, John could feel parts of his body grow ached and sore as someone grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him off of Lee.

“LET ME AT HIM DAMMIT! LET ME GO!” John yelled his body ticking all over the place as his brain went numb, his arms flailing uncontrollably, Aaron had quickly backed away from John and watched John flail around, screaming and yelling out strings of curses as a stunned Lee had ran out of the woods, Seabury running after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO In the campsite duels, they steal the darts from a game cabin and just throw them at each other I guess.


	11. I don't want a Violent Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex found out John participated in a duel when he comes back bruised and beaten... little did they know a certain Charles Lee had been wrapping his little finger around Washington's

  
Alexander and John both sat in the hours of the afternoon on their bed, Alex’s legs crossed around John as he sat there with an unamused expression as the other boy gently wrapped his hand and shoulder up with various layers of carefully-placed bandages through his small hiccups and whines.

“J-John, how come you…” Alexander took a moment to put the roll of gauze down as John stared absent-mindedly at the wall with an ashamed look on his face, now Alexander was crying because he was being stupid.

“He- turtle, hurt you- turtle, Alexander, he hurt you bad.” John whispered right through his teeth, loud enough so Alex would barely register the words without them triggering any kind of overload in his brain.

“B-but now you’re hurt!” Alexander protested, his lip quickly jutting out as quickly as possible, John lied to his face, Alex would be fuming if it wasn’t for the overwhelming sense of discomfort flooding his senses as he continued to wrap John up like a mummy.

“Yeah, but- turtle…” John took a deep breath before letting nothing out, he could feel Alex begin to tremble and shake as he cut the gauze off, John all wrapped up and ‘better’ for now, he wasn’t gonna win the argument so may as well just sit in silence and let his body move uncontrollably.

“I-I’m just scared that you’ll…” Alex made a vague gesture to the floor then back up to John, to John it felt like an arrow had been struck through his chest as he took a sharp inhale and shut his eyes quick, his head aimlessly flinging around and arms making small jerky motions.

“No, no.” John whispered as Alexander leaned in and planted a hesitant kiss onto John’s cheek before pulling away quickly and curling up into a tiny ball that John just pouted at.

“Anything I can do to make it up to you?” John whispered in a playful voice, Alexander made a tiny giggle before looking up at John with his cheeks (which seemed to have gotten a bit rounder if John wasn’t mistaken.) flushed a gentle magenta.

“C-can you sing me a song maybe?” Alexander asked and watched John smile in return before pulling his laptop from the small nightstand over to his lap and opening it to a karaoke video and pressing play, waiting for the slow intro to subside.

“John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton…” a booming voice quickly shot the boys away from the laptop, John quickly shutting it in a hurry and turning to face instructor Washington, who stared at the two boys with disappointment on his face and a newly patched-up Lee standing behind him with a fake sad face.

“I hear you two participated in a duel.” Washington quickly stepped into the cabin without any warning, Alexander let out a dry whimper and looked down at his feet sheepishly as John shot Lee a death-glare.

“Alex had nothing to do with the duel, sir.” John defiantly stated, Washington’s eyebrows quickly knitting together in confusion as he turned to face Lee who gave Washington a look of fake-confusion.

“John, Lee, if you two mind stepping out for a moment, preferably on different sides of the cabin.” Washington growled, Alexander quickly gripped onto John’s sleeve as he stood up and began to step out of the room, a small whine escaping his voice as John paused to give Alexander a sorry look as he and Lee both exited.

“Son, listen to me for a moment here…” Washington quickly removed his doofy sun-hat and stared Alexander in the eyes for a moment, the boy’s entire frame shaking in horror as his brain flashed back to a rather unwelcome memory.

“Don’t call me son.” Alexander deadpanned, Washington seemed a bit taken-aback by his sudden words, the boy had stayed mostly mute and even when he did talk it was shy and hidden, yet the words seemed to hurt George when Alex spoke them.

“Listen, I know you’re a good kid Alexander, but the number one rule of this camp is to not be involved in any sort of fight, you know better than this.” Washington spoke in a hushed tone to the shaken boy as he shook his head no multiple times.

“I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it… I-I didn’t mean for it to happen, I didn’t-” Alexander chanted, quickly moving his hands up to cover his ears, only to have them cupped into large and fatherly ones.

“As I expected, I had a suspicion Lee was lying, just keep in mind though for future reference, if you ever hear of someone dueling, quickly come inform me, son.” Washington continued, watching Alexander’s face contort in fear as Washington uttered the word again.

“I-I’m not your son!” Alexander whispered with such courage like he’d casted a spell out of his words, Washington took another sharp inhale and gently pulled Alexander close for a moment.

“Alex, look, I’ve seen a lot of kids in this camp… Hundreds come and go, but you… You’ve stuck out to me, you know why?” Washington looked Alex dead in the eyes, the boy looked at him with such fear and curiosity that is confused him.

“You remind me of myself, son.” Washington smiled wide, only to have Alexander rip out of the embrace with a look of terror.

“C-CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME!”  
Washington quickly covered his mouth with his hands upon realizing the mistake he had made, for years respecting everyone's trigger words only to now possibly break the trust of an innocent soul was heartbreaking to the man.

“I-I apologizes it's an old habit, I won't do it again okay? Oh goodness, come ‘ere…” Washington welcomingly opened his arms and waited as Alexander began to gently cradle himself into them and make a gentle whimper that sent shivers up George's spine.

“Alexander, I think you should come pick up a few more bracelets and participate in our group therapy sessions, sure we aren't really professional therapists but we love to listen and support, it's every day after lunch.” Washington informed the crying boy in his gentle tone, rocking Alex back and forth as Alexander made a weak nod.

“I-I… I-I’ll go b-but I'm not… I'm not a freak…” Alex whispered.

“Alexander, nobody in this camp is a freak, you're safe here, you're safe…” Washington knew it was a lie, the camp was safe from outside threats but inside the camps the staff had little say in the matter ever since the staff number decreased by 50% after the lawsuit, but Washington would do everything in his power to help Alex.

“I-I don't wanna go back to my home after summer… I don't want to go back to the room…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe


	12. ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh nooOoOooOO

John had heard everything in their little conversation, the chilling sentences Alex blurted when he heard the word son, and the mention of ‘the room’ that wasn’t expanded on as he heard his boyfriend sob and whine from the other side of the door, luckily another day had passed and Alexander still seemed distantly happy.   
  
John’s mind wandered as he watched Alex eat like the weirdo he is, he’d been trying his best to crack Alex’s steel shell with a plastic fork and had obviously gotten nowhere, but the way Alex had began to talk after every incident was so different.   
  
One-word-sentences quickly turned into meaningless phrases sliding off his wordsmith’s tongue, the way his chest rose and fell was lifeless as he plastered on his big smile and kept his lazy eyes glued to his food though he only pushed it around rather than eating it.    
  
“Well, a’ths I wa’th th’aying, it was just crazy how the- thing, the guy, uh… the…. Oh my god what… who put… who does the retainer thing? Who?” Lafayette slammed his hand on the table before resting his temples between his fingertips.   
  
“Orthodontist.” Alexander whispered just low enough to Lafayette could hear, his face quickly springing up as he pointed to Alex in a broken finger-gun.   
  
“ORTHODONTI’TH’T” Lafayette shouted, everyone at the table letting out a hearty chuckle as Lafayette figured out a new word, he silently thanked Alex with a nod over at him and a vague hand gesture.   
  
“Well, the orthodonti’th’t had me set on a table like I was Franken’th’tein’s creature or whatever and pu’th’hed it in there! It was crazy!” Lafayette threw his hands up in the air, accidentally whacking Herc in the face and earning a smack right back from the larger boy, Alexander quickly flinched and curled closer to John and the boys quickly stopped after the warning glance they got from John.   
  
“My apologies.” Hercules muttered through a chuckle as Alex stood up to exclude himself before rushing away from the eating table with his food cleverly messed up on the plate so it looked like he ate most of his meal, John sucked in a breath and held it for a moment before sputtering out the breath as he spat out a ‘turtle’   
  
“Well someone’s in a bad mood, what’s up, John?” Herc poked his friend, earning an eye roll from the other boy as he shoved the last of his meatballs into his mouth and flipping the bird at the two, they both giggled at John’s antics only to have John snort and cough out a meatball onto his plate in laughter.   
  
“Dude, whenever Alex i’th down in the dump’ths you like, mirror him, real freaky, John.” Lafayette curled his tongue around a few times, waiting for John to answer through his mindless tics.   
  
“Ever think- turtle, it’s because- turtle, I’m very protective of- turtle, him, because he’s my boyfriend or whatever.” John shrugged and drummed his fingers on the table as the other boys laughed, Lafayette quickly pulling Hercules into an embrace and pecking his cheek.   
  
“Well then I gue’th now I’m dating Herc because I’m very protective of him!” Lafayette couldn’t help but notice the warmth flooding his cheeks as he said that, Hercules was behind him hyperventilating like a warm dog.    
  
“T-that’s a goddamn lie, you just smacked me!” Hercules buried his face into his hands and quickly mumbled something “But I mean if you want to we can date…” Lafayette shot John an excited look before kissing Herc’s cheek again.   
  
“S-so are we dating now or something?” Hercules whispered, peeking out at Lafayette and John to see them nodding frantically, John looked like he was going to explode.   
  
“FOUR YEARS I’VE KNOWN YOU AND- turtle, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS! YES!” John lept off his seat and quickly did a cartwheel and bounced all the way back to cabin seventeen to tell Alex the good news.   
  
“Alex! Turtle, There is good news!” John cheerfully kicked the door open with his foot with his doofy smile only for it to quickly melt away into a gloomy frown, Alex was on the floor in a small puddle of red.   
  
“Oh my god, Alex…” John quickly dropped next to Alex and began to inspect his body without touching him, Alex’s face was red with tear-stained rivers flowing down his cheek, his lip was soiled and bitten to the point where it uncomfortably dripped small dobs of blood down his lip. His entire frame was blank and confused when John stepped in, now he was just eerily silent as John continued to trail over every centimetre of his body.    
  
His arms were sliced, not deep, but still noticeable by the small rivers of blood drifting gently down his soft and tattered skin, John wanted to reach out to the cuts and kiss them back to health but Alex had quickly began to make a harsh whine under his hoarse breath as he backed away from John with a horrified expression.   
  
“Don’t… D-don’t, s-s-stop hurting m-m-me…” Alexander whispered, clutching the pairs of scissors close to his arms once more as he began to draw the sharp blade into his flesh, John quickly grabbing the arm he was cutting with and holding it in a death grip that made Alex scream in discomfort, John couldn’t bare to listen to it as he winced and also began to make small noises.   
  
“Alex- turtle, I’m gonna take the scissors- turtle, okay? J-just, stay still.” John quickly reached out to pluck them out of Alex’s hand as he screamed and whined, only to see the hand jerk away from John’s grasp as his hand went loose, his head quickly made a spasm and eyes wiggled around for a moment as Alexander backed away even more, his eyes held no emotion.    
  
“Please…” John whispered, taking a small inch closer to the shaking boy only to have him jolt back again with a hitched whine, John also stepped back as far as he possibly could, making a peaceful gesture only to have his body completely mess him up and punch his own chest, Alex let out his screech once more and curled into himself, the scissors in a rather scary position.   
  
“You’re safe.” John tried, Alex took the words like a bullet and let out a quick gasp, the scissors dropping to the floor at the word safe as Alexander scurried to pick them up again only to stop himself, he was swaying like a ragdoll at this point, boneless and possessed-looking as he searched the room for an anchor or something, John was right next to him in a flash.   
  
“You’re okay…” John continued as he felt a pair of curious and shaky hands grip onto him before small wretched sobs broke through his body, John gently rocking Alex back and forth.   
  
“M-momma.. Momma I’m scared…”


	13. HEY UPDATE LOL

I GOT FINALS TOMORROW AND THE DAY AFTER THEN I'LL BE IN NEW YORK FOR THREE DAYS I'LL BINGE WRITE ON THE TRAINS BUT I'M VV NERVOUS RN SO YEAH, ALSO MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW SO HAHAHAHA GOTTA BLAST BYE


	14. It's Only a Matter of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF ALSO YEAH I GOT SOME THINGS PLANNED THAT I'LL WRITE ON MY FLIGHT TO NYC.

  
John had Alex sat down on a comfy bed, he gently rested his hand on Alex’s thigh, they had ended up making one compromise, that he’d call for at least some sort of help on John’s little cellphone.    
  
“Hello, this is the suicide hotline, you’ll be put on hold for a second so we can find someone for you to talk to, okay? Can you tell us your name, we won’t say it to anybody else.” A cheerful sounding lady spoke gently through the phone with a soft voice that Alex thought he might get cavities from.   
  
“Alexander Hamilton.” He whispered as John gently began to rub circles on his thigh, there was a small murmur through the phone Alex could barely hear before the intoxicating music began to ring through his ears, John making a few background tics, grunting, leg bobbing, eye twitching and a few slaps to his own thigh that almost sent Alex into another panic attack.   
  
“Hello! This is Lin from the suicide hotline, so, just keep in mind I won’t tell anybody ever what you say here, just between you and me, so I heard your name is Alexander Hamilton, that’s pretty cool.” He spoke in a faint puerto rican accent.   
  
“Y-yeah, that’s me…” Alexander whispered, looking at John with a nervous expression as the other boy planted a small kiss on Alex’s cheek before giving him a thumbs up and exiting the room.   
  
“How old are ya bud?” Lin asked, the noise of a chair rolling across the floor in the background suggested Lin was at some sort of office space, Alex took a quick deep breath.   
  
“I’m thirteen.” He hummed, Lin made a shocked noise on the other end and the rolling quickly stopped.   
  
“Bud, what’re you doing calling the hotline, you can tell me anything.” Alex took a minute to consider what to say, did he really trust this character- not really, but he seemed genuine and nice.   
  
“Nobody needs to know, right?” Alexander took a second to swallow, then swallow again and again until there was a lump of air in his throat and he felt calm enough to speak if Lin answered the question.   
  
“Nobody will know besides me, unless someone’s listening in, you got anyone with you?” Lin asked, continuing to roll around in his chair, Alex could almost hear the smile he had on his face when he spoke.   
  
“My b-boyfriend is outside right now, we’re at a summer camp… I’m using his phone.” Alex hummed through the phone, the mention of John settling his nerves a small bit, seems as if Lin could sense his relaxation.   
  
“That’s great, so are you ready to talk or do you need a minute?” Lin allowed Alex to take a few deep breaths before he hummed in approval, the sound of shuffling rang through his ears as Lin seemed to have repositioned himself into a more condensed room judging by the sound that was made when he stepped, truly, nobody was going to know.   
  
“Okay, s-so… Um… I-I tried to…. Well, I’m sure you can guess what I tried to do, but I was really upset and…. I-I-I have a… There’s a voice in my head, and he says bad things to me a-a-and it makes me feel bad, and It’s all true it… It hurts a lot and I wanted it to stop so I-I-I stop being such a problem for everyone.” Alexander bit his lip down hard, as he curled into himself slightly and let out a choked sob, the other line went silent for a moment before Lin spoke gently.   
  
“Alright Alex, can I call you Alex? Does the voice have a name, does it remind you of anyone you know or something? Just wanted to ask that quickly, it’s gonna be okay.” The last words quickly set Alex at ease as he took in a deep breath and muttered something into the line.   
  
“What did you say bud? I didn’t quite get that.” Lin spoke patiently as he played with something in his hand that Alex could hear the popping and crackling of, unless that was a calm fire, Alexander wasn’t quite sure.    
  
“I-I said his name is Peter.” Alexander whispered, Lin took in a sharp inhale and let a calm one out as he fixed his tone.   
  
“Alright, so, can I ask a few things about Peter, or does it make you uncomfortable to mention him.” Lin asked in his calm tone, Alexander shuffled slightly, taking in a long blink and sucking in a breath.   
  
“I-I-I don’t like him.” Alexander finished, Lin seemed to scribble something down on a pad or something as the sound of pen strokes against a pen just gently tickled his ears.    
  


“Okay, we won’t talk about him, so, you mentioned that you didn’t want to be a problem, what makes you think you’re a problem, Alex?” Alexander paused for a moment as a list of reasons flooded his brain, he could complete an essay in the span of fifteen minutes about it if he needed to, but he kept it brief.   
  
“Because I-I keep making them worried b-b-because I get sick and I run away a-and I have bad panic a-attacks and I keep trying to stop it b-but they don’t let me then they get more distressed…” Alexander quickly lowered the phone from his ear to let out a hitched whine before pressing the speaker button so he could lay down and listen to Lin.    


“Well, being sick isn’t really your fault, I’m sure if you went and got your boyfriend now and asked him if he was annoyed by taking care of you he’d say that he’s fine with it, because I’m sure you’d take care of him if he was sick, right? It’s not something they despise, they want you to be happy and all well, they care.” Lin’s words completely slipped through Alex’s mind besides ‘they care’, did they actually, after all of the things he’d done and all of the things he had gotten himself into did they care?   
  
“Alex, if it’s possible, can you go get your boyfriend for me, you can stay on the line if you want to, I just wanna ask him a few questions so you can feel better.” Lin hummed again, Alexander quickly picked up the phone and began to shimmy out murmuring an ‘okay’ under his breath as he pushed open the door to see John sitting on a chair he had definitely stolen from the eating quarters.    
  
“Hey, Alex, are you finished?” John quickly stood up to quickly envelope Alex in a gentle hug as Alex murmured a ‘no’ to John, his voice suddenly lost for words as he was hugged, Lin made a heart laugh through the phone and cut in.   
  
“Is that your boyfriend? Is he here?” Lin asked through the phone, Alex quickly dropped it into John’s hands like it was fire and John lead Alex back into the cabin as Lin explained what John was to do, answer each question honestly.   
  
“Do you love Alexander?” Was the first question, John had no hesitation before he quickly jumped into his answer by planting a kiss on Alex’s cheek and beginning.   
  
“Alexander has- turtle- literally cured my tourettes- turtle, when he speaks and- turtle, he’s the only person- turtle, in the whole wide world I wanna- turtle, be with, I adore him and his cute face and voice- turtle and I’d never leave him for the world.” John sang into the phone, prompting Alex to let out a small choked sob, John quickly cursed and pulled Alexander into a large hug once more, letting the other boy straddle around him as he made small sobs.     
  
_ He’s lying, he’s lying, you’re sick and disgusting and he’s only doing it out of pity, the only emotion people ever feel for you, unadulterated pity.  _ _   
_ __   
“When Alex was sick, how did it make you feel?” Lin asked, Alex let out a hitched whine and buried his head into John’s collarbone as he began to speak into the phone while whispering encouraging things to Alex between takes.    
  
“Heartbroken, It pained me- turtle, to see him- turtle, on the hospital bed like that- turtle, and I-I cried a lot.” John’s voice suddenly jumped an octave, betraying him as he hugged Alex and also made a small sob/cough thing, Lin made an audible ‘aww’ noise through the phone.   
  
“Do you know how to deal with panic attacks? I know Alex said he has them and I think you know that but, just for the record, do you know how, and if you don’t, how do they make you feel?” John planted another kiss onto Alex’s forehead, rocking him back and forth again and again as they locked their hands together, John trying his best not to tic (that didn’t work out, he just kind of flailed everywhere.)   
  
“I-I get him to count to- turtle, well I mean- turtle, technically I always end with a turtle- turtle, so i count to turtle for him, even though- turtle, it’s supposed to be nine.” Lin made another chuckle from the other end, a loud bahahaha as the two could practically feel the energy he stored.   
  
“Alright, has the counting to turtle helped him a lot?” John nodded before realizing it was a call, he ran a twitchy hand through Alex’s hair as his head rocked back and forth before speaking.   
  
“It helped a few times but… His last few ones- turtle, have been a bit worse…” Alex and John both cringed and Alexander tried his best not to let out another whine, he only let out quick and sharp breaths that wracked his body as John began to silence him with a loving tone.   
  
“Okay sweetheart, thank you, what you’re doing is correct, but if Alex has a really bad one, his head probably hearts and his body would probably lock up and either feel no senses or have a sensory overload, I noticed you have tourettes so It’s probably hard to stop your verbal tics, if you even can, I’m not the expert in tourette's, but I’d like you to just be quiet and predictable, no surprises during it, no surprise phrases or tricking.”  Lin lectured, John letting each word settle in his brain so he could write it all down later.   
  
“Anything else?” John requested, he’d like to know every possible way to help Alex out of an uncomfortable position, Alexander had gone deadly silent but also he seemed to have calmed enough to breathe steadily and rest into John’s chest.   
  
“Make sure if he does something better you praise him, be very supporting, like I know you’re already doing and let him do simple tasks, okay? Now how do the panic attacks make you feel?” Lin shuffled around on the other line with a smile as John ran another hand through Alex’s long hair.   
  
“They make- turtle, me a bit worried- turtle, because I’m scared- turtle, Alex will never finish his panic attack and I- turtle, saw him pass out one time and he- turtle, screams and it freaks- turtle, me out because he looks like- turtle, he’s in so much pain and I can’t help him as well as- turtle, I want to.” John looked truly defeated as Alex curled up into a calm little ball on his lap.   
  
“Well, Alexander, does it make you feel better to hear that?” Lin asked, quickly causing Alex’s head to shoot up and almost his John in the jaw, John let out a small laugh as Alex made a small but frantic nod.   
  
“He’s nodding.” John informed the supporter and he laughed as well, in a nice genuine way that made Alex feel loved, he felt so much better now all because of John and Lin, that wasn’t for very long as Lin began to recite his robotic speech about if they’re all satisfied with the session and they can call whenever.   
  
“L-Lin, do you have a phone number?” Alexander whispered, the man on the other hand chuckled and hummed his response, an obvious yes.   
  
“C-can we h-have it so I can text you w-w-when I need help J-John doesn’t know how to help with? I-I really like talking to you…” Alexander sheepishly turned to John as he gave an approving smile.   
  
“Of course!” Lin proceeded to spell out his phone number that John quickly punched into his phone and sent a practise text to, Lin automatically responded and the call was ended, Alexander feeling empty yet satisfied.   
  
“You did great Alex, I’m so proud of you.” John praised, lying Alex on the bed and gently scooting right up next to him with a doofy smile.   
  
Things were finally going to turn out to be better, a baby step at a time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3 I enjoyed my birthday writing this for y'all <3 <3 <3


	15. The Power We Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THOMAS JEFFERSON'S COMING HOOOME

“John! Alex! You’ll never guess who’s coming back today!” Hercules rushed into cabin seventeen with Lafayette by his side, the two boys giggling to each other as John gave them a half-assed gaze, more focussed on braiding Alex’s soft hair.   
  
“Who?” John sarcastically shot his hip out and rolled his eyes at the other two boys, earning a loud scoff from Lafayette who fell right into Herc’s arms in ‘distress’  
  
“Thoma’th Jeffer’thon!” John fell right into Alex’s back and made the loudest groan imaginable, Alexander pointed back at his braid that John lazily continued to knit together as Lafayette danced around the room.  
  
“Thomas is one of the older- turtle kids, he’s more of like a sassier- turtle Seabury, good guy if you’re good to him- turtle, I’m sure you’ll get along fine with him.” John whispered gently into Alex’s ear, his tense shoulders quickly falling as he made a hopeful sigh.  
  
“Hi’th welcome party will be in like, thirty minutes if you want to come th’ay hello to him.” Lafayette sung, kissing Herc on the cheek as he skipped over to the drawer and began to fish out a more appealing outfit than his current tie-dye, baggy pants, dumb necklace, and sunglasses combo.   
  
“John, where was Thomas Jefferson, the hospital?” John quickly shook his head no, gently pressing his nose into Alex’s fully braided hair and planting another kiss on it, Alex turned around with rolling eyes as he gave John an unamused look.  
  
“He was in France.” Hercules answered, Lafayette making a ridiculous cackle from the corner of the room as he discarded his tie-dye shirt and threw it at Herc before putting on a better-looking tank top with a bayonet imprinted onto it.   
  
“I don’t recall your name being John.” Alex mumbled, sending John straight to the deep end as he fell off the bed laughing, cursing to himself as he rolled around the floor, practically dying, Alex and Hercules staring at him like he was crazy.  
  
“John, that wasn’t even funny….” Hercules muttered, John quickly sat up, his head jerked forwards then backwards but he kept his dumb grin Alex adored.   
  
“He’s a- turtle, wordsmith!” John accusingly pointed at Alex with a fidgeting finger before stand-jolting up and wobbling to the other boys.  
  
“Alright, let’ths get ready for this dumb celebration.” Laf rolled his eyes and dragged Hercules out of the cabin, now changed into a socially acceptable outfit like everyone else was, John turned to Alex then proceeded to drag him out of the cabin.  
  
“Turtle- If you don’t let me put- turtle, a flower in your- turtle, hair, I’m going to kill you.” John said in the most non-threatening tone known to man, Alexander made a dry laugh as John bent over to pick a small honeysuckle and quickly shove it into Alex’s hair, then he grabbed a handful and began to pickle them all over his braid.   
  
“Now you- turtle, are a- turtle, forest nymph!” John clapped his hands together and Let Alex twirl around with his braid in, smiling like a dork as he began to lead John to where the ceremony would be held, quickly scouting out the area where Herc and Laf had situated themselves in, a table with Maria, the sisters, Seabury and a new face Alex hadn’t seen before.  
  
“Is that Thomas?” Alex whispered to John who quickly cackled and corrected Alex in a flash.  
  
“James Madison, Thomas’ close friend, I’d expect you to have seen him a few times, he likes to help out GWash.” John commented before they sat down next to Eliza and Maria, the two girls giggling to one another as Peggy had obviously done something stupid.  
  
“Hey, Alex! Have you met James or Maria?” Angelica piped up, Alex turned to James and shook his head no, James did the same and the two wordlessly shook their hands and gave respectful nods to one another, everyone else looked at the two like they were creepy identical twins.  
  
“James is mute, so he speaks in asl in case you don’t know how to speak it…” Peggy whispered to Alex who gave another nod at Madison, the two locked eyes for a moment and just sat there, silently, nodding every few minutes or making a hand wave. _  
  
_ “Alex, are you a mind reader?” Eliza sarcastically put a hand on Alex’s shoulder who turned to her and shook his head no frantically, James making a mute laugh from the other end of the table.  
  
“I went mute f-for t-t-three years, I-It’s why I don’t speak m-much and I s-stutter.” Alex explained, Madison giving Alex a nod of approval as he reached out a comforting hand for Alex to grab, the two just sat there with their hands held as everyone else at the table just shut up   
  
“Can’t mute people never talk again?” Peggy asked dumbly, James and Alex both shook their head no as Angelica gently punched Peggy as a sign to shut up, Peggy screeched and tried to tackle her sister, her _black belt_ sister.  
  
Bad idea Peggy, bad idea.  
  
“M-mute people a-a-aren’t all unable t-to recover,” Alexander whispered as John leaned over to hug him close, the table was calm.  
  
Until Lafayette jumped on the table and frantically pointed at a tall figure holding a cane in the distance, his eyes squinted behind his ‘cool’ andnot a crime to fashion sunglasses, the tall figure quickly (or how fast a cane can carry you) bounded over and climbed up on the table with Lafayette.  
  
“EYYY!” The tall one finger-gunned quickly with a cheesy smirk on his face.  
  
“EYYYY!” Lafayette finger-gunned back as they did a silly handshake on the table before leaping off, everyone in the camp suddenly swarmed around the new teen, welcoming him, James quickly climbed onto the table and the other boy held his arms out wide, James lept into them quickly, the two twirling around.  
  
“What’d I miss!? He yelled out to the crowd, placing the slightly younger boy down and raising his fist into the air, everyone quickly joining in and yelling the trademark  
  
“RISE UP!”   
  
“Well, well, well, Aaron B, Bird!” Thomas quickly cut through the crowd to see Aaron who had taken the seat James had currently held, Aaron and Thomas exchanged finger-guns before Thomas scooted Aaron over and plopped his ass down next to Angelica, giving her a foxy glare.  
  
“Ew.” Angelica fake-gagged as Peggy and Eliza cracked their knuckles, quickly causing Thomas to clam down as he shot a mocking glare at John then looking oddly at Alex.  
  
“What is that, a gremlin?” Thomas pointed to Alex, expecting laughter only to get a high-pitched whine, Thomas rolled his eyes quickly.  
  
“It was a joke, you are very short though, what’s your name?” Thomas leaned over the table and watched Alexander quickly back up, the taller boy quickly reeling in so he could cross his legs and wait.   
  
“Alexander Hamilton, thank you very much,” Alex said with striking confidence, surprising even Burr as he quickly spat out his sprite in a rush and gave Alex a confused glare as John smirked confidently at Thomas.  
  
“Okay, I like this kid’s passion, pour him a drink somebody?” Thomas pointed to Alex with a defiant smile on his face as John quickly filled Alex’s glass with orange soda, Alex’s favorite for the time being.   
  
“T-thank you, John.” Alexander took a long sip and everyone else at the table followed, chuckling to one another as Thomas crawled back up on the table and pointed at Alex.  
  
“You’re a worthy opponent, I can tell, don’t be shy, come on up here let’s have a friendly debate.” Everyone at the table looked expectantly at Alexander, and to their surprise, he stood right up on the table, Seabury quickly cheered as he took another bite of his tasty cake.  
  
“I’ve been here for years, what do you have going for you? What makes you think you can come up and debate with me on the table against the Thomas Jefferson, if you aren’t aware my daddy’s a-“ Alex quickly stood up on his tip toes.  
  
“Oh I know who you are, you’re that useless son of the famous Jefferson singer, correct? The one that abuses your ‘beautiful’ child singing voice and looks so he can become more than just a pop icon, so he can become a bottom-feeder, I’m aware at who you are and what you do,a famous child actor who had to do nothing to become famous, you’re worse than the Kardashians.” Alexander fired back, everyone at the table cheered for Alex as he stepped closer to the stunned Thomas.  
  
“Oh, and another thing ‘Mr. age of enlightenment’ I’ve fought worst battles then you will ever fight in your life, I’ve dealt first hand with people like you, people with no care in the world who abuse people like me, so don’t try and lecture me about knowing you or who I think I am, I know who I am, I’m strong, that’s who, I’m Alexander Hamilton.” Thomas growled deeply at Alex, he quickly backed away and scrambled to get back in his seat, everyone at the table was dead quiet as Alexander took his plate of cake and scuttled away.   
  
“Dear god.” Thomas whispered, everyone shot him a death glare, including James and he quickly shut up, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender before sitting back down.  
  
“I was going to say that was amazing…” Thomas muttered.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------

 _You showed them who you are, you’re not Alexander Hamilton, you’re a mess, a freak, a monster, terrifying, now they all know what you’re capable of and they’ll leave you, they’ll-_  
  
Alex quickly gripped onto John’s phone that he left on his bed and swiped it open in a flash quickly leaping into the messages application and typing out a message   
  
**TurtleLaurens:**  
Lin, It’s Alex, I’m scared I messed up  
  
**LinIsABanana:  
** What happened, bud?

 **TurtleLaurens:  
** I just roasted Thomas Jefferson and everyone got to see how much of a monster I am, how fast I made an argument and Peter began speaking again and I’m scared they hate me

 **LinIsABanana:  
** Where are John and your friends, where are you?  
  
**TurtleLaurens:  
** In my cabin, they’re all eating food  
  
**LinIsABanana:**  
Talk to John about it when he gets back, will you be okay for a few minutes, I need to answer a call  
  
**TurtleLaurens:**  
I’ll be fine, thank you  
 _  
_


	16. Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hah I did this chapter with my bro who asked to be titled 'fgdt6ubhkjm' 
> 
> Thank you so much for being my editor and you know, BEING A NUISANCE and supporting my dang fic, ily

“Hamilton!” a loud (re. annoying) voice chimed from behind Alex, his footsteps quickly sped up as two pairs of feet trailed after him, Alexander’s shoulders felt incredibly tense, like someone had pulled them in every direction to the point where they felt like they were going to rip.  
  
“Dude! Slow down!” Jefferson called, Alex obliged and hugged his small notebook close to his heart and turned around unenthusiastically only to see James and Thomas standing, Thomas’ arms crossed as he took a careful step towards Alex, Alexander shooting a rather chilling look at James who nervously nodded his head away from Alex.  
  
“What?” Alex hissed, Thomas bending over so they were eye level.  
  
“I wasn’t mad at you, I just never heard someone talk like that-” Alexander quickly put a hand on Thomas’ forehead, squinting into his eyes, then inspecting his whole body as Thomas kneeled there like a deer in the headlights, James shooting a nervous glance to Alex.   
  
“You aren’t sick, or on any kind of drug, I can tell by your eyes, why are you being genuine with me?” Alex hissed, backing up and giving a threatening look at Thomas, one he hadn’t given to anybody in ages.   
  
“Because I want you to be a compani-” Alexander cut Thomas off with a dry chuckle before throwing the journal at Thomas, he quickly caught it in a hurry and offered to hand it back, Alex shook his head no.  
  
“I know what kind of person you are.” Alex huffed before stepping away, his confidence quickly shrinking into a small stature as he ran away from Thomas and James with a terrified look on his features.  
  
His legs dragged him all the way through the green grass, through the campsites where friendly faces waved as always and John gave his loving glare as usual, Alexander waved sideways at John before sprinting all the way to the head cabin, Washington’s head hung low as he entered.  
  
“Alex, come in.” He said dryly, Alexander quickly stepped into the cabin and turned to look at the desk, it was covered in papers and files he didn’t remember Washington having anywhere in his office.  
  
“Sir, is something wrong?” Alexander scuttled in so he could perch himself on the arm of Washington’s chair, a place Washington always let him sit on during his weekly visits Washington insisted to help him with his anxiety, a one on one session between Washington and Alex.  
  
Washington quickly drew all of the files into a messy pile and gave Alex an enervated look, his eyes frazzled and exhausted as he wordlessly handed Alexander the top file, a neat looking document that Alexander quickly scanned through.  
  
“It’s a… Deportation paper?” Alexander scanned through the entire document until he came across the final line of the page.   
  
_Due to the reasons specified on the check-out form, your child will be pulled from the camp on_ _August 11th_ _of the current year and will not be returning for the rest of the year, please sign the name of the child you are removing from the camp and your signatures._ _  
_  
“I’m sorry…” Washington hushed as Alexander’s lips quickly drew into a straight line as he read the signatures, his foster parents.  
  
“No… N-no, n-n-no I, I can’t… I c-cant…” Alexander sucked in a shaky breath like it was the last one he could have, Washington quickly pulled the boy into his lap and put a gentle hand through his hair.  
  
“Alex, I can’t do anything about it, they’re your guardians… It’s their legal right.” Washington wrapped his arms around Alexander’s back and let the boy sink right into his chest until his breathing evened out for just a moment or two.  
  
 _Today is august 11th_ _  
_ __  
Alex’s breath quickly began to creep back into the speeds where it was unnatural for a human to breath like, a melancholy expression took over his entire body as his hands shook and eyes went deadly blank, next thing to know he was covering his ears with his hands in fists and having a screaming fit.

\--   
  
Alexander didn’t even know when he passed out, he never remembered being asleep but now he was awake,  _ too _ aware and  _ too  _ emotional, his head was pounding in his skull and eyes seemed blurred and drugged.   
  
He began to lift his head from whatever it was resting on, only to find he wasn’t laying down, but sitting up, something had him strapped up and he just didn’t have the will to un-squint his eyes enough to see what it was.  
  
The air smelled faintly of smoke and a rough smell that hurt his nose to inhale, his hands ached and arms felt like daggers had been ran through them only to be wrapped up again, and his lungs,  _ god,  _ his lungs felt strangled and raw, like his vocal chords had snapped and just reformed into a big bowling ball.    
  
_ He just couldn’t swallow _   
  
“He’s up Ralph, finally.” Ew, Alex quickly shut his eyes and played dead at the disgusting noise that plagues his eardrums, it’s  _ disgusting _ . Ew.   


“Anyways, we’re sorry we didn’t come sooner, honey. I didn’t know the camp was such a parade of prideful freaks until a wonderful man reached out to me and told me he’d tried to remove his son from the school years ago only to find out he was at it  _ again _ because of his mother, he was such a nice man you’d love to meet him, his name was Henry Laurens,” Alex’s heart stopped.   
  
“J-John?” Alexander croaked, the foster parents both turned back in their seats to roll their eyes at his behavior.   
  
“They’ve gotten to him, Shirley, we’re going to need to fix him up again.” Ralph grumbled under his breath, Alexander’s eyes shot open as he quickly shook his head.   
  
“NO! P-please, no! They helped a lot and- no, nevermind they were horrible I hated it, I promise I’m better just…” The couple chuckled.   
  
“His persistent barking seems to constantly plague us even after he shut up for all those years, he was so good…” Alex could feel his eyes begin to well up with the sparkling sensation of fresh tears, but he held them back.  _ You can be a good boy. _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander quickly stuffed his hands into his baggy sweatpants and craned his head low, it took him a moment until he felt something in his pocket, he fiddled with it in his hands, something cold and heavy and something rough and folded.   
  
“Alex, we’re pulling up to the house now, we’re going to make you better, don’t worry.”    
  
Alexander let the voices drain out of his system as he pulled the folded paper out and gently uncurled it in his hands, scanning over the messy cursive writing someone had left for him.   
  
_ Stay strong, we love you! _ _   
_ _   
_ _ We put John’s phone in your pocket so you can text us whenever you need to, just be safe and make sure you respond to our texts or we’ll leave the camp and hunt you down so we can snuggle you! _ _   
_ _   
_ _ \- John, Eliza, Angelica, TJeffs, Laf, Herc, Maria, Ben Tallmadge, Dr. Franklin, GWash, A.Burr, Madison, Sammy S. and PEGGASAUR _   
  
\----   
Alex’s shoulders had been hung low as he stuffed the note into his pocket and opened the door to see the old wreck of a home his foster parents resided in. Ralph was quick to uncomfortably grab Alex by the wrist and practically drag him inside while Shirley took his bags, kind enough of a gesture for now.   
  
_ Good luck kiddo. _ _   
_ _   
_ Alex squinted his eyes shut as ideas popped in and out of his head like annoying mosquitos that kept picking at his flesh. His thoughts ran rampant as he was absent-mindedly dragged upstairs by Ralph, the only thing he heard next was the sound of a door closing and locking.   
  
Alex’s eyes suddenly stung unconditionally, red light filtering through his eyelids was blinding on its own. Alex quickly began to draw them open lazily only to quickly retreat and make a quick yelp as he moved his hands up to cover his eyes.   
  
It was  _ too bright,  _ way too bright. Like one million suns had crashed down into his body. He knew  _ exactly _ where he was as the droning 60’s jazz tunes he had memorized all came back to him.   
  
_ Welcome back to the room. _ _   
_ _   
_ Good god, everything was bright even through his protective hand-shield, his body quivering as he curled up in the corner with the least light in it, the place he had stayed in for hours on end as stupid announcements begged him for answers to mediocre questions.   
  
“Who do we believe in?” Was the first transmission he heard, Alexander mumbled the automatic response he always did, followed by the next answer and the next answer that lulled off his tongue in a tone he never thought he would use ever again.   
  
“Are you a good boy?” the transmission asked, Alex rolled his neck around and buried his head further into his hands.   
  
“Yes.” He droned, and suddenly the lights got dimmer. He sighed in relief as he pulled the hands away from his face and rested them on his thighs, still not bothering to open his eyes until he rolled over onto his other side and felt the cold metal grace across his pant legs.   
  
_ He has a phone _   
  
Alexander squinted his eyes open to just a crack and curled into a protective ball, mindful of the camera that stalked his every moment. He quickly drew his phone out of his pocket and tapped it open, the light that shined on his face made him happy for once as a photo of him and John pressing their cheeks together illuminated his face.   
  
_ 457-876, John’s passcode. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Are you  __ our good boy Alex?” Alexander quickly stopped the bubbling urge to tell them off by mumbling out his response and quickly tapping his way through the text messenger and scrolling through the open contacts in a rush.   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** Lin, I’m scared   
  
**LinIsABanana:**   
Is this Alex or John? What’s wrong?   
  
**TurtleLaurens:**   
Alex, I’m at my foster parent’s home   
  
**LinIsABanana:**   
I thought you were staying at camp all summer? What’s going on, bud? Are you in any danger?   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** I’m in the room and I want to get out I’m so scared Lin.   
  
**LinIsABanana:**   
Did your foster parents put you in ‘the room’? Is it harmful?    
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** It’s so bright in here and I want to cry they keep asking me questions   
  
**LinIsABanana:**   
Alexander, what state are you in, do you know?   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** New York, New York   
  
**LinIsABanana:** **  
** Okay kiddo, are you okay with giving me your address? You’re not in a safe place as far as I can tell. We can get you out of there.   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** Who is we?   
  
**LinIsABanana:** **  
** Me and my wife, she’s a lawyer and knows a bunch of law stuff so we can sue your foster parents if it needs to be done. Are they dangerous people/carry weapons? If so I’m calling the police, Alex this is serious, okay?   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** They have a gun in the kitchen.   
  
**LinIsABanana:** **  
** Okay Alex, hang on for just a little bit, can I get the address you’re in?   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** xxx, xx st, xx av  New York, New York   
  
**LinIsABanana:** **  
** Hide the phone, Alex. I don’t know where the room is but it doesn’t sound safe so hide this phone and delete the texts.   
  
**TurtleLaurens:** **  
** Okay.   
\--   
  
“What does your aunt Aggie always tell you?” Ralph’s voice growled through the speaker, this question always plagued Alex.   
  
“N-never tell a lie.” Alexander whispered as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.   
  
“So what was in your hand precious boy?” Alex could hear the sudden sound of footsteps grow alarmingly closer as they marched up the stairs roughly, the lights dimmed to a point where he couldn’t see anything but the darkness in front of his eyes.   
  
The door opened behind Alex’s back and yellow light filtered through the door, a terrifying shadow being casted on the wall behind Alex, he quickly scampered into one corner as the lights began to shine to an acceptable brightness.   
  
“Alexander, are you our good boy?”   
  
“No.” Alex whispered desperately.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double chapter update today guys


	17. Like Snakes in Your Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the second update of today! don't forget to read the previous one if you haven't :D

It all seemed like a blur to Alex. The way that he felt his body being dragged around like a ragdoll was horrid, then only to be followed up with the discovery of the precious phone John had given him, next thing he knew the cherished possession was smashed on the floor, the home screen barely visible and Alex’s cheerful face in the lock screen photo had been obscured by the broken glass on the screen.    
  
“Mmn…” Alex groaned, picking up the shattered phone in his hands and tracing his finger across the cracks that decorated the screen. A large chunk had been taken out of where John was in the screen saver that Alex planted a gentle kiss on, quickly recoiling due to the shock it gave him that lead his lip to begin to lightly pour a metallic-tasting liquid into his mouth.   
  
“J-John why is there a chunk missing on you? I’m gonna fix you okay?” Alex quickly reached for the pile of glass left on the floor and began to try and fit one of them into the hole in the phone. Each of them didn’t fit and Alex was growing more anxious and exhausted.   
  
“Are you a good boy?” the speaker asked, Alexander shook his head yes as he grabbed another chunk of glass.   
  
“Then drop the phone.” Alexander hissed and picked up more and more glass, placing it in gently like a puzzle piece, hoping it would fill in the crack that was left in the screensaver. Next thing he knew the speaker began buzzing and a new voice faintly whispered through it, female, witty, confident.   


The noises kept coming. Heavy footsteps, the sound of something being loaded and clicked a few times, a cry of a name, then the marching of more footsteps and the clicking of something. _Click, click, click, click._ Screaming in protest, _Ralph and Shirley_ screaming in protest, one last sentence through the microphone caught his attention.  
  
“WE’RE COMING FOR YOU BOY, JUST YOU WAIT!”  
  
Then silence, then more footsteps.   
  
Silence.  
  
Footstep.  
  
Everything was spinning and dizzying, Alex hadn’t even noticed how light headed he felt, or how bright the room had been turned again, his eyes seemed to boil as he quickly retreated into his hands, covering them in a swift motion while dropping the phone on the floor, prompting a small yelp to be let out by the boy.  
  
 _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_ _  
_ _  
_Was it raindrops?  
  
 _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_ _  
_ _  
_He’d heard tapping before of rain, but never saw it, he never had the chance until it took everything from him for the first time.  
  
 _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, where is he?_ _  
_ _  
_No, that wasn’t raindrops, can’t be, too loud, too booming, too powerful, the sound of shuffling and banging on doors continued, only to be hushed by a smooth voice that gently knocked on the door. Alex couldn’t bear to open his baked eyes.  
  
“Alex?” The door handle was fiddled with, the voice was too familiar for him _not_ to respond to, so he did, with a gentle grunt that seemed loud enough for the people on the other side of the door to take notice.  
  
“They locked it from the outside? Why?” an unfamiliar voice asked, fumbling with the lock a few times before it clicked open. Loud noises of protest quickly followed as they all stumbled away from the door, _tapping, tap, tapping_ away from the door as quickly as possible.  
  
“Christ, it’s like a sun in there!” Another unfamiliar voice complained as a lone set of taps began to tap closer and closer, another voice begging to be careful as the tapping grew close and suddenly the familiar voice asked again.  
  
“Alex?” Of course, Alex grunted again, the footsteps grew quick as gentle arms wrapped around him and whispered encouraging words into his ears as they stepped out of the room, the door quickly being shut behind him.  
  
  
Alexander hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep again, his eyes went sore and so did his body for a good few seconds before the overwhelming sensation of being drugged up to his eyes overtook all of the previous feelings. Alex didn’t want to open his eyes or speak for that matter, he just wanted to sink into John’s embrace and hear everyone’s laugh.  
  
Everything was nice and quiet, no music, no bright lights that hurt his eyes and no speakers, his brain was entirely flushed from all its ideas and faint memories of the previous days. He’d heard something before getting carried out of the building that struck in his brain for such a strange reason.   
  
_The kid’s like glass, and they just broke him, how are you going to help fix this, Lin?_ _  
_ _  
_That was the first voice, female, the confident one had lowered her voice to a faint hushed whisper, like Alex would break at any loud noise. He probably would, but that’s besides the point.  
  
 _Vanessa, we’re going to help him together. We’ll inform his boyfriend, John. We can help him, okay?_ _  
_ _  
_Lin had hushed, Alex remembered a lot more about that whole scene then he should have. The vivid memory of a squeezing sensation and also a pounding feeling wrapping around his brain and slithering into his arms like a snake.  
  
“Is he awake?” Lin begged in his constant hushed tone, the doctor made a mumble of approval before _tap, tap, tapping_ away.  
  
“Hey…” Alex could feel a gentle hand being placed on his face, only to have the entire sensation fade like it was nothing, Alexander grumbled and squeezed his eyes as shut as he possibly could.   
  
“I’m glad you’re safe now, just a little bit roughed up. You’re at my house right now and we just had a doctor over to check you out, okay?” Alex could almost see Lin’s smile through his closed eyes. Though now it was pitiful and sad, like the sharp edges of a smile would cut through Alex like he was glass, _he was glass_.  
  
“I got in contact with Mr. Washington and he got in contact with John. His mother will be driving him over in a day, he’s really anxious to see you, Alex.” Now __that caught Alex’s attention.   
  
“J-J-John?” His voice was slurred and stuttered, sounding weak and crumbled.  
  
“Yeah, bud! John’s gonna be here, for now I just want you to rest, okay? ‘Nessa went out to go buy you some essentials because, surprise! You got new foster parents, the coolest foster parent’s you’re ever gonna get! Us!” Lin exclaimed, keeping his indoor voice on as Alex shuffled underneath a fluffy blanket generously donated by Lin.  
  
“Just sleep, Alex.” Lin hesitated for a moment before bending over and planting a fatherly kiss on Alex’s head, before shuffling out of the room.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM BABY BOYS


	18. Together at last, Together Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFFED UP

Alex had been sleeping for the past day straight, paperwork being signed back and forth as the grueling process of A) sueing Ralph and Shirley and B) actually getting into the foster care system so the couple could foster the boy. But they could manage, after all, Vanessa’s a lawyer.

The first real thing they actually did after Alex was confirmed to be at least decent enough to stay at their household was go get the boy some essentials, of course it wasn’t confirmed he’d be staying with them yet but even if he is forced out of the home it’d be best to leave him with something good enough in case something happened.

The first essential was a phone, two phones, actually, one for John as well to replace his broken one, unfortunately all those photos of him and Alex and all the memories he had in the year he owned it would have to be sacrificed, well, cheers for more new memories at least.

After the essentials, Vanessa was off to work and Lin simply set his little work station out in the living room so he could watch Alex sleep as he worked (as creepy as that sounds) just in case he stirred awake and needed a drink or something that Lin would be able to provide.

And stir awake he certainly did, awaking with a shuddered breath and a loud gasp as his head shot up, way too fast than he intended it to as his entire body just flopped back over as the boy let out a groan.

“Morning.” Lin whispered, continuing to type away at his laptop as Alex flopped around lazily, his eyes shut tight as he let out a few sputtered breaths, prompting Lin to shuffle over and adjust him so he was sitting up right.

“John’s on his way over right now, are you excited for that?” Lin asked Alex quickly cocked his head to face Lin’s with unopening eyes as he nodded frantically.

“Y-yeah, w-wait… His…. His phone is b-broken, I…” Lin sighed and gently lifted one of the two new phones and placed it into Alex’s hands, Alexander cradled it with such care and inspected it until he knew what it was.

“D-did you fix it?” Alex whispered breathlessly, Lin chuckled.

“No, bud, we had to get a new one, his phone was trashed, we got you one as well, don’t worry.” Well the don’t worry part seemed to have not sticked well as Alex’s face scrunched up in confusion and horror, like he was about to cry.

That was until there was a firm knock on the door, Alex quickly shuffled himself back into his blanket-burrito and hummed to himself soothingly as Lin quickly scuttled his way over to the door to open it up in a hurry.

John was the first face he saw, his bright eyes shining like the sun as he anxiously bounced on his toes, hands glued together as his body lost all control of it’s actions and dragged him all around the place.

Behind him was his mother, honey skin and wavy ginger hair, she seemed rather glowy just like her son yet exhausted as she shuffled a small baby wrapped in a blanket in her arms around gently as possible, her expression was a mix of apology and excitement.

Then there was a girl, slightly younger than John with chai skin and auburn hair that fell to her shoulders in loose curls, she was standing next to John and giggling happily as another boy with ginger hair and a fairer complexion than the others, his freckles dotted all over his arms and nose as he tugged on his mother’s dress after a few seconds of silent boredom.

“Hi, I’m John’s mum, Eleanor, you must be Lin, very nice to meet you, John was super anxious to come here so I can’t wait to meet his boyfriend for the first time and all.” Eleanor reached out her hand so Lin could shake it, he did with a grin then stared down at John as his head jolted back and forth and his breaths stuttered and coughed.

“You can all come in, can I interest you in coffee, tea, milk, apple juice, sparkling water? Alex is out in the living room, he’s a bit startled and tired right now though.” Lin sighed as the family waddled themselves into the entryway, John quickly breaking free from the pack to sprint to where he assumed the living room was, Eleanor shot a horrified look at Lin and watched as he just waved it off and followed John in.

“Alex!” John’s sprint ended and he ended up sliding on his knees all the way over to where Alex was lying, that was enough to jolt Alex back to reality after a small power nap he was having.

“J-J-John?” Alex whispered, reaching out a hand aimlessly to stroke John’s cheek, John leaned into the touch and then leaned in further…

And further…

And further…..

  
“EWWW…” Martha fake-gagged and watched her brother rip away from Alex with a huge blush stretched across his face as he turned back to Alex to see he had sunken deeper into the couch with a trembling expression.

“I'll take them out into the kitchen to give you two some alone time.” Eleanor quickly dragged Martha, James and baby Mary out into the kitchen followed by a cheerful Lin.

“Why are your- turtle, eyes closed?” John whispered soothingly, Alex grumbled with a half-whine and rolled onto his side in his burrito, John quickly whispered his apology and climbed onto the tiny couch unannounced.

The two lied there for a few minutes, John planting tiny kisses on Alex’s scalp and listening to him make gentle breaths and wiggle a hand out of his burrito so he could gently pap John’s cheek with it, John smiled and glanced at the offending arm with horror stealing his cheery attitude.

But he didn't say anything, he didn't want to scare his wordsmith any more, so he just glanced at the new scars left behind by an unknown person Laurens would probably kill if he had the chance to, for now they just cuddled and whispered things to each other.

“Hey boys, want some snacks and drinks?” Lin strolls on in with James circling around him like his life depended on it. John whispers the question into Alex’s ear and he nods hesitantly.

“Cheese crackers, fruit roll ups or two bite brownies?” John giggles at the second answer and Alex wrestles an arm out of his blanket burrito and holds up two fingers.

“Sparkling water, boring plain water, milk or apple juice?” Lin crossed his arms as John held up three fingers and Alex meekly held up two once more before his arm limply fell to his side and he made a small while, John quickly maneuvering over to plant a kiss on the arm.

Lin did an awkward finger gun and moonwalked out of the room like the moron he is and John chuckled lightly as Alex turned around in his burrito with a slight grumble.

“Baby if you wanna sleep that's all fine with me.” Alex shook his head no, his sockets flickering gently as he began to open them, his eye already felt cooked as it slowly opened, then the other one lazily dragged behind it.

At first it was all a big blur, like it had been after the phone was cracked, just barely being able to make out features of everything, John’s freckles looked off,, a big blurry mess.

But about two… no, six! Of his freckles were perfectly clear in Alex’s fuzzy vision, and they moved when his head moved.

Huh… Odd….

“Alex, your eyes- turtle, are all cloudy, can you see, love?” Alex blinked a few more times but it seemed like his vision dragged behind him as he did so, like it was delayed.

Alex gave up and closed his eyes again, head pounding and throbbing as he flopped back down only to have comforting hands massage his shoulders.

“I got your snacks!” Lin enthusiastically bounded in with two fruit roll-ups and smacked them down on the table, then proceeded to gently place John's milk and Alex’s water, John quickly guided the water to Alex’s mouth and watched   
as he sputtered and dribbled water all over his blanket burrito.

“Oops.” Alex whispered with a tint of fear in the gentle statement, John was quick to wipe the water off Alex’s cheeks with his sleeve and the two happily shared their fruit snacks in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	19. Short Chapter Bcuz I'm Lazy

“So, you’re the boy Johnny’s been crushing on!” Martha hummed, flitting over to Alex in a rush as the family walked into the living room Alex had retreated to closing his eyes again after another two minutes of attempting to get them to focus, it just burnt.    
  
“Mn.” Alex hummed as James and Martha quickly began to close in around him, he couldn’t see it, but he could tell as their breathing drew closer that they were surrounding him like a pack of vultures, giggling as John quickly smacked their hands away.   
  
“Give him space!” John lectured, his siblings giggling as they completely disregarded John’s warnings and began to climb up onto the couch, right over John until they were all on top of Alex’s safe little burrito, giggling like hungry hyenas as John tried his best to claw them off in panic. Eleanor and Lin quickly shuffling in as they heard John curse out a few times in rage, Eleanor was quick to drag Martha and James off of Alex and then draw them out of the room.   
  
“Alex?” John shook Alex in his tiny burrito and watched as he flopped over with fresh tears gently streaming down his face like small rivers, John was quick to rub them away from his eyes and apologise, speaking quicker than a cheetah could run.   
  
“N-n-no… No, no… No I don’t want to… I-It h-hurts s-so… s-s-so much and I…” Alex quickly stuttered out, even quicker than John could apologise, his entire body quivering in his safe nest of blankets, his entire face scrunched up as he desperately tried to fish his hands out of his blankets so he could cover his ears, they popped and creaked and finally escaped only to be grabbed by another pair of arms.   
  
_ Threat, run, run, run, they finally got you boy, they did come back for you, Ralph has you in his hands, you’re doomed, you’re gone boy, run boy, run, go, scream for help, just try to scream boy, see what good that’ll do you? You’re a good boy, you’re a good boy, you’re not a good boy, are you? _

__   
“Alright, deep breaths.” Lin hushed, John had Alex’s hands in his own as they tried their best to help him, minutes past, five minutes Alex had been panicking and it didn’t show many signs of stopping until John gave up and let go, Alex’s eyes jolted open before shutting harshly as he let out a sharp cry.   
  
“Have you come back to us, bud?” Lin whispered, Alex bit his lip and made a few sharp breaths and shook his head hesitantly, John and Lin both sighed in unison as Alex could feel the blanket get tugged back over his shoulders.


	20. More Burritos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today is the fabled.... TRIPLE CHAPTER UPDATE (Im dying)

“So, you wrote an  _ entire _ musical!?” Alexander asked. He was bundled up in his little nest of blankets on the couch, a warm cup of herbal tea cupped safely in his hands as Lin told his tales of the days he worked off-broadway.

 

“In the Heights! Took me a couple years to write but It was great, It actually managed to get to broadway not too long ago, I’d imagine you’d like it- t-that is, assuming you’re Puerto Rican or Latino, I’ve kind of assumed you are…” Lin sheepishly stared at the floor for a few seconds before his eyes darted back up to his laptop screen.   
  
“I’m from... Nevis, I’m Filipino and S-Scottish, but I’m sure I-I’d enjoy it.” He smiled weakly as he took another tiny sip of his drink, a small bit of the liquid dribbling onto his chin. He sighed and quickly began to rub it off of him with his sleeve.   
  
“I’ll have to round up the cast to show you it sometime.” Lin snickered, quickly typing something into his computer at a speed Alex knew he could trump but for a normal computer frequenter it seemed like the speed of light.    
  


“A-as long as it’s no issue for you to do t-then I’m all up for it!” Alex smiled wide as he could, ear-to-ear, Lin couldn’t help but make a small chuckle at the adorable smile the boy had.   
  
With that, the two guys simply just went back to their little activities. Lin typing away at his laptop furiously and Alex gently sipping his tea in his blanket and new shark-pyjamas.    
  
Alexander’s eyes had felt relatively better throughout the course of the day, feeling less baked and more dry and raw. So, now  _ had _ to be a better time to at least try to open them up, and so he began to lazily open his eyelids.   
  
The room seemed… Mostly normal, a few colours seem to be a bit off-tone, stuff he probably wouldn’t see normally. A lack of red hues in most areas for a few moments and an overall odd tone to the way everything looked.    
  
But the most distracting thing about his visions were the little floaters dancing around in his vision, obscuring a bit of the view and overall being a bit of a nuisance, a few dangerously black/brown coloured that Alex was a tad bit afraid of. But, as Alex knew, floaters come and go and the odd hues vanish eventually.   
  
“How’re you seeing?” Lin peered over the lid of his computer, Alex blinked a few times before taking a long gander at Lin.   
  
_ He looks like you in thirty years _   
  
“Good.” Alexander responded, snuggling himself back into his blankets and taking in the little patterns dancing all over his cup. It was a funny little cup, dinosaurs and playful cavemen dancing around and hunting all decorated around one hollow, cylindrical shape.

 

“I like that mug, got it in Paris of all places.” Lin smiled, continuing to type away without even looking at his screen like he had eyes under his chin that figured out where every key was.   
  
_ I like him a lot, he’s going to be a great foster father _   
  
Alexander smiled at the happy thought that tickled him ever so slightly, happy thoughts seemed so rare at a time like this, after such an… Experience… But nevertheless, Alex knew in his heart he could be happy and it was coming out. Finally!   
  
_ Bzzt _   
  
Alex’s head quickly craned over until he saw the shiny rose-gold phone sat on a little coffee table had a little green banner on the screen with a new text on it, Alex gingerly reached for his new phone and picked it up very gently, a photo of him sleeping in his burrito was the lock screen and Alex couldn’t help but feel a small fuzzy feeling in his cheeks as he quickly swiped it open.   
  
**John Laurens:** **  
** Hi Alex! How’ve you been? I can’t wait to come over tonight!!!   
  
**Alexander Hamilton:** **  
** I’m better, I have tea and my eyesight is a bit blurry and off but I’m gonna be fine, also you’re coming over tonight!?!   
  
**John Laurens:**   
Yesss!!! Mom and Lin set up a sleepover and we can cuddle!!!!!!!   
  
**Alexander Hamilton:** **  
** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
**John Laurens:** **  
** We can call Laf, Herc and the girls!!!   
  
**Alexander Hamilton:** **  
** How do I change your name on this phone?   
  
**John Laurens:** **  
** Did Lin seriously save me as just John Laurens?   
  
**Alexander Hamilton:** **  
** Yes…   
  
**John Laurens:** **  
** Go into your contacts and tap on my name and edit it   
  
**Alexander Hamilton:** **  
** Okay!   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):** **  
** Lol what’d you change it to, you’re wordsmith on my phone!   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** You’re TurtleBoy(friend)   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):** **  
** OH MY GOD ALEX YOU CUTE SMART BOY THAT’S AMAZING   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** I’m gonna give everyone a funny name!   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):** **  
** You do you boo!   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** Boo!   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):** **  
** Yeah, you’re a spooky ghost, Alex, :P   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** Well then I’m calling you bee   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):** **  
** Bee?? If this is a bee movie thing I’m gonna cry   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** Bee, like baby but like… instead of by, bee? So you’re my bee??   
  
**TurtleBoy(friend):**

This is cute,,,   
  
**Wordsmith:** **  
** What are we doing with our lives XDD **  
** **\--** **  
** **  
** “Boo!” John practically kicked down the door to the house as Lin unlocked it, Alex standing next to him gingerly.   
  
“Bee!” Alex quickly wrapped his arms around John as Lin made the loudest snort known to man and facepalmed rather loudly, the coordination of those two words weren’t the best when but together…   
  
“Oh my- turtle, god.” John whispered, his face turning a bright scarlet as he dragged Alex away from Lin so he could talk with Eleanor.   
  
The two boys quickly ran out into the living room so they could get ‘nested’ in Alex’s little ‘nest’ of blankets and pillows and cuddling close to one another like little lovebirds. Alex quickly pulled out his phone as he began to scroll through the contacts.   
  
“Alright, s-so wanna s-s-see what I named e-everyone?” John nodded vigorously as Alex giggled his way through the list.   
  
“Who’s LipstickInMyValentinoWhiteBag?” John snickered as Alex let out a loud snort.   
  
“Maria.” John quickly fell over laughing, Lin quickly strolled in to take his seat back onto his armchair only to quickly grab his computer and bolt away from the giggly children.   
  
“Who is the cowboy- turtle, and who is the horse?” Alex’s eyes quickly widened as his grin seemed to grow much bigger.   
  
“Herc is the cowboy, Laf is the horse.” John proceeded to fall off the couch, taking the blankets and Alex with him.   
  
“You’re too good- turtle, Alex!” the two giggled as they got tangled up in all of the blankets somehow, wrapped in each other’s arms in a big blanket burrito.   
  
“We’re s-sleeping in this burrito.” Alex deadpanned, John let out a chipper chuckle as they both attempted to hoist themselves back up onto the couch, only to fail over and over and over. The two just lied there on the floor awkwardly as Lin strolled in to grab his charger.   
  
His eyes quickly darted over to the couch where Alex and John were gone, in a quick blur of panic he rushed around the living room only to half-trip over their little burrito and quickly stumble back in a rush, his eyes quickly shooting down to see their little bundle, they gave a guilty look and glanced at the couch.   
  
“We’re a b-bit tangled up.” Alex bit his lip and listened to John giggle as their little burrito was lifted up onto the couch and gently laid down, Lin smiled and placed his charger on the couch so he could run off and grab his laptop.   
  
And with that, the little group all crowded up on the couch as Lin pressed a few button so Netflix was shining bright red on the television, Alex squinting for a moment at the light before his eyes quickly re-adjusted, progress!   
  
“Wanna see a movie your old man was in?” Lin didn’t even bother waiting for their answer as he began to scroll down to the kid’s section and furiously scroll around until the movie was pulled up, The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LIN PLAYED IN TIMOTHY GREEN AND HE PLAYED MY CHILD REGGIE WHO I MADE AN ANIMATIC ABOUT  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsPIw7w7xAE


	21. Raindrops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahaha I have 0 self control with this fic

Overall, the night for the two boys was pretty good, the longest movie marathon Alex had ever been allowed to watch, John snuggled up to him and they got to sleep in their burrito all night! Alex’s thoughts magically seemed to just fade away, everything bad was gone for a night.   
  
But now, Alex slowly began to open up his eyes with a soft yawn, only to see five sets of eyes staring down at him, it took his eyes a moment to adjust to the natural light but the figures soon enough became clear, the first two sets were John, who was still wrapped up in the burrito staring lovingly at his messy morning hair and flushed cheeks. And Lin was the other set of eyes he recognized, carrying a small boy in his arms.   
  
Alex didn’t even notice the weight on his chest until he took a gander over to see another set of blue eyes, a small dog resting on his chest, tail wagging and tongue drooping as he blinked and licked some slobber off his chops, Alexander made a loud gasp as he quickly fished his hands out of the burrito and brought the dog into his arms before staring at the final two.   
  
The infant, giggling happily as it slobbered on a wet fist stuck inside his mouth, he looked no more than two and seemed happy with Alex awakening, and Vanessa, he assumed, long dark-brown hair and a wide smile.   
  
“Morning!” Lin sung in a cheery tone as Vanessa waved sheepishly.   
  
“Hi, Alex! It seems you’ve really taken to Tobi already, this is Seba and I don’t know if you’ve met Vanessa yet but here she is, my lovely wife!” Lin planted a kiss on Vanessa’s cheek as he re-positioned Seb in his arms.

“Hi!” Alex quickly leaned forwards to give Tobillo a quick nuzzle before turning to john to give him the same treatment.

“Mornin’ Bee” John murmered softly as the two boys got situated back into their little wrap of blankets.

“W-what’s on tap for today?” Alex asked, letting out a small squeaky yawn, the toddler copying the action and reaching his arms up high.

“Well, John's heading back to the camp today, you'll be going back tomorrow if you'd like to go back, but we set you up to see a counsellor, you'll like him.” Lin explained, smiling as he shifted the toddler again, the boy giggling as Alex’s eyes shrunk in horror.

_ They think you’re a freak, you're only going to counselling because they know about your problem, Lin's just been figuring out about you so you can be put in some asylum just like the one in-  _

“Nononononono… N-not back there…” 

_ Exactly, you need to warn John, no, John’s probably in on it, he never loved you, you charity case, pity, that's all he's using. He's pitying you, they're using you now do they can cut you open to see how you tick, monster, freak… _

_ “ _ Alex, its ok-”

_ Danger. _

Alex didn't think before he quickly let out a punch and slid out of the blankets like it wasn't ever trapping him beforehand, his hands trembling as his mind worked one million miles a minute.

“Alex!” 

_ More danger, more danger, they're about to tie you up and try and mess with you, don't trust anyone, trust nobody, don't trust them. _

Now both Lin and John had backed up, Lin quickly handed Seba toVanessa, the boy beginning to sob loudly as Alex flinched violently.

_ Screams mean danger danger danger _ .

Lin and John both stumbled back as Alex tried his best to swing again aimlessly, everyone in the room rather freaked out at Alex’s sudden violence.

Everyone quickly scrambled to try and think of a solution, Vanessa quickly rushing Seba out of the room as the other two tried to wordlessly help Alex.

The other boy had began screaming as Lin made slow gestures, not to startle or surprise him, Alex quickly backing away, legs wobbly as his lungs began to feel squeezed from air.

In the span of seconds Alex had collapsed, the scream still ripping out of his lungs. He was being lifted up.

_ They're sending you back _

Alex had begun to flail wildly, his hands quickly bring grabbed by another set of arms, so he kicked and kicked until it was useless.

His voice had managed to dry out and now he was useless, just making weak struggled gasps and attempting to bite his captor before giving up and going limp in the grasp.

“What happened?” John whispered, Lin frowned at John as he held Alex close like he was a small infant.

“He's scared, probably had some sort of flashback or panicked, are you alright, John? Do you need ice?” Lin hushed, John made a shy nod as he wiped a bit of stray blood dripping from his nose, a fresh bruise beginning to spawn on the bridge of his node.

“You also- turtle, need ice- turtle, so does Alex- turtle, his knuckles are bruised.” John gently let go of Alex’s fists as he said this, surely enough, his knuckles were white and purple all over.

“Is that the first time he lashed out like that?” John shook his head no as Lin sighed, gently placing Alex on the couch as the semi-conscious boy wheezed and made a hoarse whine.

“Tell Ness it's okay to come out,” Lin told as he opened the freezer to pull out two little baggies of frozen peas, handing one to John and watching the boy place it sheepishly on his nose before walking off.


	22. Chapter 22

Lin had his laptop propped up on the coffee table, him and Alex both huddled around it as they began to go through the gruelling process of adding a new friend to skype.

“Old man Miranda can't do this where do I add the contact?!” Lin cursed under his breath as he continued to absolutely destroy skype, but he managed to send John a request to be friends on Skype.

**JohnMower:**

That took three years

**_JohnMower_ ** _ created a group with  _ **_Hamilton146_ ** _ ,  _ **_OCDHorse_ ** _ ,  _ **_FrenchScreaming, AngelSky, ElfieSky, PEGGASAUR_ ** _ and  _ **_Mario_ **

**_JohnMower_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ _ AAAAAAAAAA _

**PEGGASAUR:**

Are we callin???

**JohnMower:**

Yisssss

_ - _ **_JohnMower_ ** _ is calling  _ _ AAAAAAAAAA _ _ - _

“ALEX!” Peggy screeched, Alex making a loud squeak as Peggy’s microphone blew up his speakers with her loud entrance.

“Peggy you absolute buffoon, you illiterate fool, my ears don't work anymore” Hercules hissed as Peggy let out a demonic chuckle, everyone else’s faces quickly lit up the screen, Lafayette was in the same little screen with John and Herc and all the girls were bundled together on Pegg’s webcam.

“Alex! How’re you home slice, bread slice dawg?” Maria was quickly pushed off the Schuyler camera for that remark and a loud thud was heard in the background Alex chuckled lightly at.

“Um… better?” Alex hummed, staring into the camera John was in with a bit of a frown, everyone else kind of also redirected their attention to the huge bruise on John’s nose.

“Just going to say- turtle, for the record, Alex is the- turtle, best puncher out of all- turtle, of you.” John snickered as Angie quickly ran off the camera, Maria crawled back on the bed with a groan.

“She's coming for you John” Eliza snickered, John made a loud yelp as everyone in cabin seventeen quickly scrambled to hide John, Alex was in stitches laughing.

“JOHN COME OUT AND FIGHT ME!” Angelica screamed from a small distance, she stomped into frame of the computer and soon enough the was dragging a screaming John out from under the bed.

“I TAKE IT BACK- TURTLE, YOU’RE THE BEST- TURTLE, PUNCHER!” John screamed, Angelica quickly dropped him and he let out a long string of curses as Angelica made her way back into the Schuyler cabin.

“You guys are c-crazy!” Alex chuckled, snuggling safely in his blankets as Vanessa came out with a little bell in her hands, she jingled it a bunch before tapping Alex’s stomach, everyone on the group chat giggling.

“Dinner time little lion!” Vanessa chuckled, Alex huffed and waved at everyone through the Skype call.

“See you tomorrow Alex!”


	23. I don't know, not literally -fgdt6ubhkjm on trying to name the chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beautiful chapter name by my editor fgdt6ubhkjm, thank you so much fgdt6ubhkjm, you're really contributing to this fanfiction by nitpicking and REMOVING MY COMMAS, YOU ABSOLUTE BAFFOON.
> 
> She's dying of laughter right next to me
> 
> pray for my editor

“ALEX!!” Laf practically screamed, bounding over at top speed to the small boy and tackling him into a rough, bone-crushing embrace Alex wheezed at.   
  
“C-cant…. B-b-breathe…” Alex whispered, tapping Laf’s back in surrender, Lafayette quickly ripped away from Alex before giving him two kisses on both of his cheeks, Hercules quickly pulling Lafayette away as he began to sing to Alex an old French tune or something along that line.   
  
“Welcome back ‘Lex!” Herc smiled as Lafayette gave up his singing and just stood next to Hherc, hugging the bigger boy with a pout on his face that Hercules seemingly melted at.   
  
“OH MY GOD, IT’S ALEXANDER SLAMILTON.” Peggy screeched as her sisters and Maria all danced over to Alex with smiles as they all took turns hugging, Peggy not being able to contain herself proceeded to squeal loudly as she basically crushed Alex, but that’s beside the point…

“W-where is John?” Alex questioned, looking around at the crowd to see an abnormal lack of John in the audience, if he was there he’d either be smothering Alex in love or squealing at the top of his lungs, but nope, gone.   
  
“Uhhhhhh….” Laf hummed dumbly, Herc nudging the French boy and watching him quickly shut up and zip his mouth shut before ‘throwing away the key’ Alex stared nervously around the area, Seabury had just arrived who half-waved at Alex and James was slowly scuttling over with Thomas leaning on his cane as he wobbled over.   
  
‘Hi’ James signed as he walked over, Alex smiled and signed back, the two both smiling at each other for a few seconds before Thomas took a cautious step forwards. Alex grumbled as Thomas held out Alex’s leather notebook, he quickly snatched it back and held it close, opening the first page expecting to see it had been ruined, only to see there was some sort of wet stain on it… Odd…    
  
“Where’s John?!” Alex asked again, this time a bit more annoyed than his previous ask, the kids all looked tense as he asked that like they were trying to hide something big and obvious. Alex stood there as straight as a line, his entire face pale as he waited for an answer, hopefully. 

 

“Bee!!” John’s voice sounded from far away as the freckled boy skipped over with a box in his hand he looked nice and fancy, like the girls had dressed him up- and they obviously had, he was wearing Maria’s lipstick after all… And Eliza’s skirt… And Peggy’s flower shirt…    
  
Alex smiled, finally loosening up as he bounded over to John with a smile, everyone else let out a sigh of relief, besides James, who just kept smiling as he gave Thomas a happy look that Thomas quickly mimicked.    
  
“I got- turtle, you a gift! I worked- turtle, all day on it!” John quickly shoved the box in Alex’s hands before giving Alex a gentle kiss on the cheek, leaving a red kiss mark on Alex’s soft cheekbone before waiting anxiously for Alex to open the gift, and he did with a weak smile.   
  
A little painting was in the box, painted on a thick leathery canvas, perfect strokes and warm colours merged together perfectly to create an image.   
  
A lion and a turtle in a swampy rainforest, sharing a little fruit roll up together, Alex quickly brushed a hand over the turtle in the drawing and looked at John with a giddy smile, a small wet patch quickly falling onto the canvas.    
  
“A-are you crying?” John nervously fidgeted with his hands as his head jerked to the side a couple of times, Alex nodded frantically as a tidal wave of d‘awww’s flooded throughout the group as John shuffled over to Alex and the two embraced in an awkward hug.    
  
Eventually, the two released each other after a 20-second-hug and Alex quickly dropped his little bag of necessities on the floor so he could slide the canvas in before attempting to pick it up again, his shoulders sore and relieved as he took it off, now he was dreading lifting it back up.  _   
_ _   
_ _ “Lin, don’t worry, I put a med kit in there, he’ll be fine, and an extra pair of socks!”  _   
  
Alex did not enjoy the extra weight, and it showed as a few people scurried to steal the bag from him, Thomas ended up being the one who got it and Alex’s dread doubled in amount  __ yep, he’s gonna steal it .   
  
He didn’t.   
  
Cool.   


The group quickly began to scuttle across the green grass, Alex trailing shyly behind Peggy as she screamed at everyone that he was back at the camp, many ‘welcome back!’s being shoved his ways.  
  
“Welcome back to cabin seventeen, the cabin for all of your crazy pre-teen needs!” Hercules announced dumbly, John’s face scrunched up as he stuck out his tongue, gagging at the quote as he verbally expressed his ‘disgust’   
  
“Ew.” He exasperated, eyes rolling into his head as he dragged Alex in while the others giggled maniacally.   
  
“Dude, John’ths mom got u’th a mini fridge for our cabin, th’o, if you got any food, th’hove it in the mini fridge, do you want th’ome milk?” Lafayette enthusiastically pulled out the milk from the mini fridge (if it’s even possible to enthusiastically pull milk from a mini fridge) and began to chug from the bottle.   
  
“EWWWW, that’s cow tiddy juice.” Peggy hissed as Lafayette quickly spat out the milk all over the carpet, Hercules letting out a high pitched scream as it hit the perfectly clean, perfectly straight, _perfect in general_ carpet.   
  
Alex couldn’t help but laugh at the complete overreaction that had played out, Angelica was on the floor with her hands pressed over her eyes in horror, Eliza laughing her lungs off as James made a silent laugh in the corner, Thomas patting his shoulder as he puffed out his cheeks, trying not to add to the uproar. He had a pretty stupid laugh.  
  
“Y’all be crazy!” Thomas threw his arms up in the air before fleeing the scene of ‘the crime’ with Eliza, Peggy and Maria by his side, speaking of the crime- Hercules and Angelica had gotten to work, cleaning the carpet in a hurry as Laf _continued to chug the milk_ , John chanting ‘chug’ in the background.  
  
“I can’t b-believe I come back t-to this…” Alex bit his lip as Laf finished the milk and threw the empty carton on the ground, making a loud war cry before running out of the cabin in a hurry, James left winded by the doorframe as he frantically signed out a little ‘what just happened’.  
  
‘No clue’ Alex quickly signed back, James smiled at the gesture, Alex simply began to shuffle over to James’ side and watched him sign something else.  
  
‘Read your journal, it was really pretty, Thomas cried like a baby’ Him and Alex both let out a chuckle as John also walked over, wrapping his arms around Alex and making a weird purr.   
  
‘There’s a weird dog hugging me’ Alex signed, James nodded in agreement as John began to pepper kisses all over Alex as he continued to sign to James.

‘We should write a story together, you have good writing’ a pause ‘we could do a collab.’ James smiled as he awaited an answer, Alex quickly nodded and James quickly held his fist out for a fist-bump, the two shared one before James happily skipped away.   
  
“You’re cute when you sign.” John hummed as Alex turned around with his cheeks puffed out awkwardly, Hercules fake-gagged in the corner.    
  
“You two are so gay.” John’s head turned around like an owl’s as he stared Herc down, making a hissing noise as Angelica quickly ran out of the cabin to not see the upcoming fight.   
  
“But you- turtle, are  _ also gay _ ” and with that, John fell over, just straight up fell over, Alex quickly letting out a yelp and quickly stumbling over as well, Herc raised an eyebrow before sitting next to John.   
  
“I’m okay- turtle, bee- turtle, this happens- turtle, it’s a tic, I’m fine.” John attempted to wave his hand to reassure Alex but  _ it didn’t move _ wonderful, another one of these moments, next thing he knew Herc was lying down next to him and Alex was cuddled up by his side making small sobs.    
  
“D-don’t die.” John let out a huffy sigh, wishing to hug Alex or something but nope, Tourettes was kicking his ass and all he had were words to help out his little lion as he snuggled close to John, small hiccups escaping his throat, it was kind of cute.    
  
“I’m not, I’m- turtle, fine.” John promised, Alex quickly huddling closer like his life depended on it, like John would randomly die if Alex let go ‘ _ I’m just paralyzed’  _ John wanted to say but Alex just continued.   
  
“I-I know, b-but please don’t…” John could feel his heart shatter into one million little tiny heart-bits in his chest as he let out a huffy sigh, trusting that his head could still somewhat move, he lazily dragged it over so he could face Alex, he put on his cheesiest smile and attempted to get his nose close enough so it could boop Alex’s, but nope.  
  
“As long as you- turtle, don’t either.” Alex quickly leaned into the nose-boop and let out a chuckle, good, John did it. Now all he needed to do was get up and everything would be ok-   
  
“Yo, I’m also here, want me to die?” Herc rang out, John looked at Alex in a panic, Alex’s eyes went watery with shame as Herc spoke, like Alexander had been straight up shot by his words.   
  
“N-no!” Alex whined, John turned his head to give a death-glare to Herc.   
  
“Herc- oh, look you made him cry” John sighed as he went back to facing Alex, whispering turtles to Alex in an attempt to make him laugh or something, Herc had quickly sat himself up in a panic  _ ‘god I wish I could do that’  _ John whispered to himself as Herc placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder only to have the smaller boy rip back in surprise.

“I- wow, gee, sorry… you’re shaking Alex, I didn’t mean it, sorry!” Herc just awkwardly stood there as John tried to do something ‘ _ every single time we mess him up, boyfriend of the year award goes to John, useless on the floor’  _ John attempted to say something comforting, before realizing it was useless, god, he practically looked dead, unable to move on the floor.   
  
“Herc, sit me up, we’re princess bride-ing this.” John requested Herc obliged and propped John up against him, Alex looked up at John and curled up next to John and continued to make small sobs.   
  
“Y-you… I’m sorry, y-you reminded m-me of m-m-mom when you f-fell.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pray for Alex instead wowzah
> 
> but you can still pray for fgdt6ubhkjm
> 
> *me singing wake me up inside goofy edition while my editor laughs insanely*


	24. Thomas, Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to expand a bit on Tim-Tom-Thomas, it's a short chapter but I'm trying to really expand some of the others, then I'll be jumping into Alex's backstory and then hopefully get closer to our ending!

“Hamilton! Yo!” It was Thomas, wonderful.   
  
Alex quickly set down his pencil and shuffled all his papers together, writing his pages for the story he was writing with James and his deaf friend John Jay, Alex rather enjoyed the two and the company they provided, but their mutual friend, Jefferson, Alexander _despised_.  
  
“James wanted to ask about how the story is coming along, he finished his papers, y’know, he did fifteen, a bit overboard but I love him, you’re gonna love them Hamilton, now how far are you?” Jefferson loomed over Alex like he was a vulture, a magenta-wearing perfectly rich everything-is-right-for-him vulture, Alex scoffed as he handed the papers to the other boy.  
  
“I did 30, i-is that e-enough f-for you to leave m-me alone.” Jefferson gave Alex a wide-eyed stare like he had just seen an angel fall from heaven, Alexander raised an eyebrow as he counted the papers, 30, Alex wrote 30 papers in the last two hours.  
  
 _What the… What the hell is this kid?_ Thomas thought to himself, the tiniest printing he’s ever seen on such a big sheet of paper, _what. The. Hell._ _  
_ _  
_“D-dude… How?!” Jefferson pointed at the stack of paper in confusion, Alex just shrugged and picked up his fork and stuffed a little bit of fruit in his mouth, he’d gotten back into the habit of eating a bit more ever since the Mirandas had him eat those two huge mouthwatering meals, yum!  
  
“U-uh… G-got a lot of trapped t-thoughts I guess.” Alex mumbled roughly, Thomas quickly slammed the papers back on the table before sitting down next to Alexander once more.  
  
“Dude, why do you hate me so much?! Like, uh, you gave me that journal or whatever and I cried, are you ‘aight? Like, you get in such a funk when I show up, like, did I, uh, did I scare you…?” Thomas let his shoulders sag low as Alex roughly stabbed the fork into another pineapple bit, Thomas flinching as Alex gave him the facial expression equivalent of getting robbed.   
  
“You remind me of m-my father, y-you must k-k-know all about him, y-you read my journal after all. Opinionated, self-obsessed, perfect.” Alex hissed, Thomas’ facial expression quickly doubling over into one of absolute shame, an unreal emotion Thomas barely felt, it was true, he lived a perfectly stable life, never picked on, none of that, but he wasn’t _perfect,_ why else would he be here?   
  
“Alex, you’ve judged me wrong, uh, I ain’t perfect in the slightest! Alright! God damn, uh, have you looked around at this camp for two seconds, none of us are perfect in the slightest! My dad just sent me h-here uh…” Thomas bit his lip quickly, flicking his hands a few times, Alex’s eyebrow quickly quirked up as Thomas seemed to struggle to find his words.   
  
“I-I…” Thomas took a moment to think, the words just _wouldn’t come_ , it sucked, he’d never been a social person, just learning to blend into a place where nobody sees the world like you, even his father didn’t understand, __now he has to explain it, Thomas could feel his hands heat up.  
  
“You have Asperger’s, Tallmadge has the same bracelet as you.” Alex noted, Thomas let out a loud sigh as he nodded wordlessly. Alexander took a deep breath before letting it out, Thomas cringing at the noise of Alex’s rough breath.  
  
“Sorry?” Alex really wasn’t sure what to say, Thomas just smiled and grabbed the papers before beginning to turn his heel on Alex.  
  
“Just keep in mind, we’re all here for a reason Alex, you’re not alone here.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Yo, if I wrote anything incorrect, kill me in the comments~


	25. The Alexander Hamilton Conspiracy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumb children go on a double date and create a conspiracy.

“Herc! Do I look fat in thi’th outfit!?” Lafayette called from one side of the cabin, Hercules unenthusiastically craned his head over to Lafayette only to quickly shoot his hands up to cover his mouth.   
  
The double date was Laf’s idea, as it tended to be when it came to romantic things with Herc, but surely enough Alex and John agreed and now Herc was standing in the middle of the cabin with a burning sensation tickling his cheeks.   
  
Lafayette was dressed head to toe in a smoky red dress-shirt and jean shorts and frankly Hercules didn’t know what to think,  _ and he made everything perfectly even for me and he even got Washington to iron it I am in love! _ _   
_ _   
_ “Hercules, you’re wheezing, do you need your inhaler?” Lafayette quickly rushed over to the little nightstand and ripped Herc’s asthma inhaler out of it’s safe little container as he quickly ran it over to Herc who was just staring at Laf, burning red as his throat closed up.   
  
Eventually Hercules was breathing normally, gently coughing as Laf gingerly tapped his back a few times, but soon enough the large boy began to chuckle uncontrollably, putting a stray hand on his forehead as Laf did the same to Herc’s head.   
  
“You’re burning up!” Laf quickly shifted his weight to get closer to Herc, touching all around his cheeks as Hercules just chuckled and pulled Lafayette in closely.   
  
“Lafayette, why do you do this to me man!? Like, first of all you took my breath away, literally, then you make me burn up, how are you like this!?” Lafayette quickly made a breathless gasp as he turned to Hercules with sparkles in his eyes.   
  
“Hercule’th! You flatter me!” Lafayette dramatically fell back on the bed as the two boys quickly chuckled, Herc’s face heated and breathing uneven,  _ everything in his body was skipping a beat he may as well be dead at the sight of Laf _ .   
  
Bzzt.   
  
Herc’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he quickly drew it out with no hesitation, the screen lit up with a text from ‘TurtleMan9000’ and he quickly gripped Laf’s hand, pulling him off the bed before quickly shifting the sheets so they were perfect, then the two simply skipped out of the cabin together, arm in arm, smile with smile.   
  
\--   
  
“JOHN, ALEXANDRE! WE ARE GRACING YOU WITH OUR PRE’TH’ENCE!” Lafayette quickly yelled, giving Alexander and John a dumb hand gesture, before sitting down with the other pair close by, Alex just staring like a lost puppy as John and Laf already began to lose themselves in conversation.   
  
Herc quickly craned his neck behind Laf and John so he could take a real gander at Alexander, everyone loved the kid it seemed like, yet he seemed so  _ small _ , like the entire world was held on his shoulders, Herc took a deep breath before quickly shooting his hands up to his chest and making a little gesture that caught Alex’s attention, sign language, Herc wasn’t  _ fluent _ but he knew basic things.   
  
‘Loud’ Herc signed, Alex let out a mute laugh before he quickly scooched back behind John, Hercules doing the same so they were back-to-back with their significant other’s, Alexander took a moment to sign back.   
  
‘Do you like me?’ Herc took a moment to think about the question real hard, deep breath in, sharp one out,  _ what way?  _ Herc quickly raised his hands once more.   
  
‘Friend, good friend, you are a great friend.’ Herc shakily signed, Alexander’s smile quickly dropped, eyes shaky as he lowered his hands mutely,  _ the kid’s glass _ Hercules reminded himself, that’s something he could somewhat relate to, getting anxious over little things. That was one of the main problems about him going to a camp, the  _ mess _ .   
  
‘I feel weak.’ Alex signed, was Herc supposed to see that? He blinked as Alex gave him an expectant look,  __ what way!? What way is he weak!?  Hercules took a moment to scan the expression. 

 

_ He has 52 strands of stray hair, hasn’t brushed one half of his hair, he’s in a rush for something, hoodie strings are uneven, bags under his eyes, he hasn’t slept- wait, what’s that facial expression again? Damnit. _ _   
_ _   
_ ‘What makes you feel like that?’  _ He also has quivering hands, they don’t stop moving, why don’t they stop!?  _ Herc desperately clawed at his mind, begging it to stop Sherlocking Alexander, but everything looked  _ off _ .   
  
‘Herc, What if they come back?’ a pregnant pause quickly filled the air with dread, Alex’s silent hands impact left dead in the air as he signed again ‘they said they would’ and with that Alex quickly stopped signing, instead whispering a sorry under his breath that caused John to turn around to quickly hoist Alex up onto his lap.   
  
_ John’s hood is lopsided _ .   
  
Herc facepalmed loudly, his eyes burning holes into his surroundings, suddenly everything was off.   
  
_ Movement by trees. _ _   
_ _   
_ Herc’s head quickly darted to the trees, nothing, it’s nothing, just panic,  _ why suddenly is he panicked? Panic isn’t anywhere close to the name Hercules Mulligan.  _ _   
_ _   
_ No, it’s not even Herc’s own panic, It’s Alex’s, everyone just seemed to collectively feel whenever Alexander grew anxious, like they obtained a new superpower, Herc wasn’t against it in the slightest, just  _ every little mistake stood out much much more _ .   
  
“Thought I saw something in the trees.” Alexander admitted, everyone else just kind of nodded, weird,  _ weird _ ,  _ really Weird, with a capital W! _ Hercules just took a moment to relax as the night went on as planned, no weird sightings, no panic, nothing, perfect, good.   
  
\--   
  
“John, your boyfriend is an alien.” Lafayette stated, Alexander had left the cabin minutes ago, Schuyler's requested his presence, John quickly scoffed and cocked his head over to Laf only to have it shoot back into it’s original position.   
  
“Alex is- turtle, normal! Just like all of- turtle, us! Jeebs- turtle, y’all are so freaked out ‘bout my- turtle, boyfriend, he’s normal, capitol N, N. O. R. M- turtle. A. L! Get it through your head dumbbells. Stupid turtle butts.” John crossed his arms in a huff, his head jerking around as Lafayette rolled his eyes into the back of his head, Hercules chuckling to himself as he scrolled through his phone.   
  
“Herc- turtle, what would you do if I said- turtle, Lafayette was a- turtle, wendigo!” John accusingly pointed at Lafayette and watched the boy throw his arms up dramatically.   
  
“Ooooh noooo, you caught me!” Lafayette fell back onto one of the beds, John shot out his tongue and plopped back down on the bed.   
  
“What if Alex was an alien, what if he lives in a crop circle.” Herc giggled, John facepalmed  _ The Alexander Hamilton conspiracy was being made today if Herc had any say in it.  _ _   
_ _   
_ “What if he has green th’kin!” Lafayette added, John groaned at the comment and quickly began to take out his sketchbook, scribbling a few things down in a hurry as Herc and Laf continued their playful mockery.   
  
“What if he has a tube that he connects to you every night to steal your memory!” Herc joked, drawing all his fingers together to make a fake-tube to pretend-suck the memories from Laf, Lafayette dramatically fell over in a fit of giggles.   
  
“What if y’all stop bein’ jerks!” John hissed like a snake, Hercules chuckled until more thoughts sprung up,  _ ooo time to pull out the evidence. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Maybe his yellow skin, jaundice, was just him reverting to his original self, he tried to hide it from us by pretending to be sick!” Hercules could swear John looked convinced for a moment before he shot back to his original annoyed look.   
  
“Maybe the reason he cures your tourette’s when he speaks is because he’s planting a virus in your brain!” John actually looked quite pissed now, but not in a  _ you asshats are so wrong _ way, but more of a  _ what the hell are you doing!? Why are you doing this to me, you can’t convince me about something stupid like this, but it’s working!  _   
  
“Maybe-” John’s face was steaming red as he quickly threw a smack at Lafayette.   
  
“SHUT IT! ALEX ISN’T AN ALIEN OKAY!” John quickly stormed out of the camp in a rush, head reeling, face flushing and pulse quick and uneven.   
  
“It was just a joke.”  _ He’s convinced, we did it. _ _   
_ __   
Herc made a small sigh at his thoughts, though he did manage to convince John his boyfriend was an alien, fun fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, Alexander is not an Alien, just in case Hercules convinced you


	26. The Mindscape of John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J o h n needs love in this series besides being Alex's boyfriend, that's not how character growth works Lyss -Me to myself a few days before writing this
> 
> Also sorry I'm slowing down so much I'm sorry, this fic is long and I planned out the next few chapters up until the end, home stretch! If you want longer chapters I can do it, I'll do it.

John woke up, woke up to see Alex out of bed, out of the cabin, probably with Washington for one-on-one time, good, John’s brain quickly began to run rampant with thoughts without Alex there to keep him company for the morning.   
  
_ Did Alex brush his hair?  _ Yes, his hair brush was moved   
_ Did Alex brush his teeth? Hygiene is important-  _ The bristles were wet and toothpaste lazily dotted a little bit on the sink, good.    
_ Did he eat? Did he sleep alright? Did he take his meds?? _ _   
_ John can answer the last question, he quickly shuffles to the desk with everyone’s meds in it, John shakily taking his pill bottle in one hand and Alex’s in the other hand, screwing open each cap and sighing when he saw one more pill that was required in Alex’s little bottle, so John quickly took his own pill and shoved Alex’s bottle into his pocket.   
  
_ Alright, daily tasks, get Alex his pills, make sure he’s eaten-  _   
  
“You’re deep in thought.” Hercules remarked, quickly reaching up for his own pill bottle to pop the cap open and swallow down one of his pills dry, John turned to face him with a smile, his entire body locking up for a moment before he regained control.   
  
“I mean, gotta take care of Alex.” John chuckled, Hercules’ expression shifted to one of a little tickled face, he looked rather pleased as he set a hand on John’s shoulder.   
  
“What?” John flinched away from the touch as Hercules just chuckled.   
  
“You really do care about him, don’t you? You’re devoting your whole morning to check on his well being while you forgot to put your hair up, turn your shirt inside-out so it would be on the correct side and zip up your fly.” John’s face flushed a bright cherry red as he quickly zipped his fly and stripped his shirt off, allowing Hercules to steadily bundle his hair up and tie a scrunchie into it, there, dressed.   
  
“Sorry about the alien thing…” Herc mumbled, John’s cheeks quickly heating in rage before he set himself off, _ be cool, be cool, Alex doesn’t like when I fight people so I should avoid doing it… _   
  
“It’s chill, I’d love him- turtle, no matter what.” John remarked as he began to stroll from the room, glancing back to see Herc quickly fixing literally everything he could fix in the room, John admired Herc’s ambition even if it was because of OCD or whatever thing Hercules had, John personally couldn’t remember.   
  
John’s pace quickly turned into a gentle skip as he did his little skip-march over to Washington’s cabin, smiling as he twisted the door open with the pill bottle rattling in his twitching hands,  _ stupid motor tics. _   
  
“Hey sorry for- turtle…” John’s eyes quickly turned into small pinpricks as Alex had Washington backed into a corner, his face misty and distant, while on the contrary Washington’s was alert and shellshocked, a red bruise beginning to circle around his cheekbone.   
  
“A-Alex? I want you to take deep breaths with me.” John instructed, Alex’s attention ripping from Washington’s eyes and over to John’s as his face quickly fell into one of shocked realization, John took the opening to approach the other boy and embrace him quickly, stroking his hair as Alex apologised again and again and again…   
  
_ Tell him to breathe _   
  
“Breath Alex.” John requested as Washington also joined into the small hug, John wiggled one of his hands around so he could pop a pill into his hand, he quickly let the now-squirming Alex go and handed him the pill that Alex accepted like a gift.   
  
“Sorry.” Alex whispered, quickly giving Washington an apologetic look, only to get waved off in acceptance, Alex took a deep breath, John smiling  _ progress, he’s doing great!  _ _   
_ _   
_ John earned a small flinch from Alex before he gave him a nervous look, he took John’s hand and quickly began to drag him out of the room with a sweaty face.   
  
_ He didn’t run away alone. _ _   
_ _   
_ “Did you eat today?” Alex froze,  __ no he didn’t . “Pancakes.” John spoke in a half-order half-idea voice that Alex nodded to, another day with Alex, another adventure, all they needed first was a little bit of time to wind up after Alex’s morning fit, but John was ready, he always had been.


	27. It Seems Easier to Just Swim Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay,,,, fire up your theory machine, I really want to hear your theories about this chapter :DD
> 
> ALSO DOUBLE UPDATE DAY !

“Hey Alex! Getting sick of the boys?” Peggy greeted as Alex meekly pushed open the door to the girl’s cabin, all of them were inside doing various activities, Maria painting Eliza’s nails, Peggy playing on her 3ds and Angelica practising her Taekwondo patterns (Moon-Moo Alex had identified it as, Angelica had a tendency to show off all her patterns to the group so figuring them out wasn’t too hard).    
  
“N-no… I’d never be sick o-of them.” Alex whispered, Peggy chuckled in disbelief as she dragged him inside of the cabin and sat him down by Maria.    
  
“Okay, Alex, you’re getting your nails painted, no buts!” Peggy ordered, Alexander gave her a shellshocked expression before letting out a heart laugh, everyone else in the room (besides Angelica, she was too focused to pay attention to the conversation) joined into the chuckling as Alexander watched Maria drag a large crate of nail polish over to Alex.   
  
“Choose your favorite colours, when I’m done Eliza’s toes I’ll do yours, okay?” Alex nodded as he began to scan his eyes over every colour inside of the basket.   
  
Green, he liked olive green, but there was none, pastel green it is. Why, on the subject of nice colours there was a very sky blue over by his thumb that he cautiously pulled out of the basket and set next to the green, then a shy brown and a peppy baby pink.   
  
_ Pink is too girly, they’ll think you’re girly. _ _   
_ _   
_ Alex quickly snatched up the pink and began to raise it to quickly hide back in the box before Peggy grabbed the pink and ripped it from his hands, earning a small squeak from Alex as she inspected the colour.   
  
“This’d be cute on you Alex!” Peggy insisted, shoving it back by Alex’s pile of nail polish colours and watched Alex wordlessly make mouth formations before he finally uttered out what he meant to say.   
  
“Isn’t very manly though…” Angelica’s foot roughly dug into the ground as that was said, she quickly turned to Alex like she’d just heard the timid boy utter a curse word, Alex gave her a horrified expression.   
  
“Alex, we don’t care, really, we’re offering to paint your nails and you’re afraid of us thinking you as girly, god, Alex, as far as we can tell you’re just as much as a man as Hercules, besides, as far as I’m aware of, pink is a pretty badass colour, it’s not every day you see a girl in full pink attire doing Moon-Moo, do you?” Angelica asked, quickly stepping towards the group with a smirk, it was true, Angelica made pink seem just as intense as any colour, though Alex had always liked pink anyways, Angelica only strengthened his liking towards the soft, chalky colour.    
  
“Okay…” Alex mumbled, earning a smile from all of the girls as Angelica quickly returned to doing patterns, this time she decided to go for a higher pattern in Se-Jong.    
  
Soon enough Eliza’s nails were painted a bright baby blue with little white hearts in the middle of every toe, Alex loved the delicate painting on each nail, it was adorable! But now Maria was tugging at his feet so they’d be in position  _ time to sit still with your own thoughts for a few minutes… Hooray.... _ __   
  


Or… Not…? The soft melody of a song beginning to play snapped him out of his small trance, proceeded by the soft- no, snarky singing of Peggy.    
  
“You… Will… Be…” Peggy gently tapped Alex’s nose as she sprung up on her toes, Angelica quickly finishing her pattern so she could join in.   
  
“Popular!” The girls all sung in unison, Maria gently humming along as she painted Alex’s toes.    
  
Angelica had ended up situating herself on the bed, a brush in her hand as she worked her way through Alex’s lengthy, knotted locks, though she was gentle in doing the activity at hand, her singing voice was loud and clear as day, Eliza had positioned herself next to Maria, her toes still drying as she pulled a makeup kit from seemingly nowhere, Alex not even trying to fight off the sudden attention he was getting as they all sung along to their song, covering Alex in fluffy makeup.   
  
“Done!” Maria exclaimed, screwing the cap onto one of the nail polish bottles as Angelica quickly tied Alex’s hair up into a little bun and Eliza put down her makeup brushes, the song had hit it’s ending note and the girls were all done, how they managed to do it so quickly Alex will never know.    
  
Just like that, Peggy handed him a little mirror and Alex peered into the little glass, at first he saw the new blush on his cheeks and definition on his face, then his neat hair, he looked pretty good, the bags under his eyes seemingly vanished, and he had a smile, it looked pretty good.    
  
Then as quickly as his reflection seemed nice it quickly began to shift in his eyes, faint lines under his eyes showing off his exhaustion grew darker in his vision, his eyes horrified and ugly, entire face structure off and gross, hair ivory and off-putting, faint yellow-ness surrounding the sides of his eyes quickly sent Alex’s mind off the deep-end, now his vision blurring- the faint reflection of a… different person in the mirror staring at him, now everything’s dark, now there’s nothing in sight, nothing in sight at all. 

 

The small beeps of a far-away monitor were steady, beeping in his head as he fell back into nothingness in front of him. 

 

_ We have to let him go eventually.  _ _   
_ _   
_ Alex quickly jolted back awake, making a loud gasp, still in the Schuyler cabin, the girls still around him, this time with some new faces in the circle. John and Washington in front of him as he gasped for air, clinging to the bed to test if it were real, numb, numb like most things he touched were, besides John, John was warm, but okay, it moves under his pressure, it has to be real…    
  
“Are you back with us?” Washington asked, Alex made a choked noise to respond, only to quickly be wrapped up into John’s arms, not willing to let go of Alex as he gently whispered comforting things into Alex’s ears, though to Alex it seemed as if it were just whispers in the wind.    
  
“I’m not gonna let go, okay? We’re both gonna be strong through this Alex, I know it’s hard, getting over the past, but you’re so strong.”    
  
_ What is he on about anyways? _ __   



	28. When Reality sets In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmm did somebody say Washington's financial issues? No? Okay, sorry...

“5,000 dollars? When…?” Washington was sitting in his chair when Alex peeked through the door, the man’s eyes looked drained as he gave Alex an off-putting wave, continuing to talk into the phone and scribble things down.   
  
“No, you can’t just cut it like that! Isn’t that illegal!?” Washington’s voice quickly raised to a strict tone, Alexander quickly setting her journal onto the table and crawling onto the man’s lap as he continued his call, absent-mindedly stroking Alex’s ebony hair.

 

“That’s not  _ fair _ , these kids depend on us to hel- yes! I understand! But it’s not fair, I shouldn’t be losing all of this money because of something I cannot control about myself, god, Mr. Handcock, I’ll have you know that he has the exact same issue as me yet he’s suing me because he thinks I’m unstable around these children!?” Washington’s hand quickly began to stroke a bit rougher, Alex didn’t mind, he just sat still, Washington was stressed, Alex could tell, so requesting he back off when he needs to get it all out would be a bad move. 

 

“Mr. Handcock, this is a big mistake! I-” Washington quickly drew the phone away from his ears as a loud beeping noise came from the phone, he pressed the hang up button and placed the phone onto the table with a loud sigh, pulling Alexander closer as he took a moment to recollect himself.    
  
“I apologise, Alexander, I’m-” Alex gently shuffled in Washington’s lap so he could face the man with a tiny smile, comforting almost.   
  
“It’s fine, you’re stressed, t-take a small b-break and I can handle myself for a day.” Alex insisted, Washington gave him an exasperated look before shaking his head no in a hurry.   
  
“Alex, if anything I think you need this more than me since…” Washington waved a hand in the air, stunned to see Alex look so calm at the mention of tomorrow’s… activity…    
  
“The trial is tomorrow… I know…” Alexander murmured, Washington smiled at the progress, no panic attack at the very thought, a new breakthrough experience for Alex, Washington had hoped.   
  
“What’ve you wrote down today?” Washington smiled, grabbing Alexander’s notebook, for a moment Alex could swear it looked like a clipboard, strange, but he simply shook his head as his eyes grew dark for a moment, like his brain had just shut down for a few seconds and suddenly he was awake again, everything a bit bright in his eyes as Washington gave him a dispassionated glare.    
  
“Alex?” Alex’s head quickly shot up to face Washington’s, he smiled softly before planting the book in Alex’s hands.    
  
“It’s wonderful, good to see you finally cracking out of your shell, I love the poem at the end of the page, I used to have an old book of poetry I read a lot, I know I brought it to the camp for kids to read to fall asleep to so I could round it up for you if you’d like.” Washington offered, Alex beamed at the offer and nodded with confidence he didn’t even know he had in him.    
  
“Great, I’ll get it to you whenever I can.” Washington confirmed, seemingly shocked at Alex’s confidence boost, but it only made him happy if not a small bit muddled.    
  
_ Ring _   
  
Alex and George’s heads both snapped to the cell phone, a phone number appearing on the screen with a fuzzy number Alex couldn’t read, he just felt a bit dizzy and clinged to Washington as the other man picked up the phone.   
  
“Frederick, I thought the court agreed we were not to contact each other without our lawy-” Washington was cut off by a few distant murmurs on the other side of the phone.   
  
Alex tried to listen in on the conversation but just ended up getting all light headed as his vision caved in on itself, without trying, he managed to let out a tiny pained whimper as the world around him grew bright and white, a few voiced swarmed through his head, only to be shushed by another, and just like that he was back with Washington, still in his office.    
  
George had a hand on Alex’s back gently trying to shake him back to  _ reality _ , but Alex shot Washington a dazed look, letting out a murmur of confusion as George smiled and welcomed Alexander back, a guilty look behind his strained eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEORIES ANYONE??? Also update tomorrow if I ain't sick I think I'm coming down with something,,,


	29. Swolen Hearts, Aching Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is in sight guys! Also Trial against Ralph + Shirley anyone?
> 
> TW: Trials, the court in general, I know some people can have bad experiences with it so just wanted to get that out there. Skip this chapter if you have trouble with those themes!

For the most part, the trial was just off-putting, more of a blur than an actual high-adrenaline event, the room was pale, onion walls and uncomfortable acacia benches that Alex was forced to sit in, a few pictures of men on the walls and of course the main attraction to the room being the large stand where the judge sat with an emotionless mask on his features.   
  
“The court calls Alexander Hamilton-” Alex froze at the mention of his name, he could already feel the sweat grow cold on his brow as Lin gave him a warm smile, the rest of the judge’s words were silent in his brain as he stood up shakily, everyone looking at him expectantly as he made cautious steps toward to podium, his shoulder barely grazing that of Ralph’s, he could feel a rough burning sensation begin to overflow his features.   
  
He could see Lin mouthed the word ‘breathe’ Alex could do that, of course he could, just a few words out of his own mouth would be easy peasy, he’d done it so many times before, except now everyone was staring, his stomach tied knots inside of itself and his hands felt numb, and his vision- oh god… He was blacking out again, he could feel it.    
  
“I-” Alex started, hoping to get words out before he went blank, too late, his voice quickly gave out, then his vision- fuzzy and dark, his senses burning and pain shooting in his head and spleen, he couldn’t move, couldn’t think, voices quickly filling his head.   
  
“Alexander?”    
  
His eyes shot back open, he was curled into a small ball, hiding behind the podium, Lin next to him, a gentle hand on his shoulder, Alexander attempted to apologise, attempted to say something, nothing, his voice didn’t work, it didn’t work at all, so with shaky hands he quickly began to sign at a blinding speed.   
  
“I’m sorry bud, I don’t know sign language, take a few deep breaths Alex.” Lin whispered, but Alex kept signing, non-stop, the judge had even peered over to see his panicked state and let out a pitiful sigh.   
  
“We’re putting the case on pause for a few minutes, Mr. Hamilton, I suggest you take the time to go clean up, splash some water on your face, you’re going to do great, okay?” The judge spoke in a hushed tone at the last few words, and with that Alex could feel his entire body lock up, he was deadly silent and still, no movements, his hands quickly stopping as he robotically hoisted himself off the ground and ran from the room, he didn’t like it in there in the slightest.   
  
Now there was water under his palms, a gentle flow of calming water pouring onto his hands, he swished his finger around in the tiny pool at the bottom of the sink, it was relaxing enough, then his hands cupped around the liquid, he watched some of it spill through the crack between his hands and the rest slosh around in his hands, so he threw the remaining water into his face and turned to face the mirror.    
  
“What did I tell you, boy?” Alexander froze deadly still, Ralph, handcuffed behind him, an animalistic grin on his face as he quickly got closer to Alexander, footsteps muffled and horrifying, like a monster sneaking up on him, hands raised in the air as they began to lower, now their skin touched, uncomfortable clammy hands on Alex.   
  
He couldn’t scream, his voice was muted and silent, only a small disruption in the wind, now there were hands around his neck, gently brushing across his skin in a snake-like motion Alex really didn’t want to have to deal with at the moment.    
  
“Now, you’re going to tell them the truth, that we were  _ nice  _ to you, and the best foster parents you’ve ever had, alright sweet boy?” Alexander frantically nodded, sweat dripping fresh from his brow, hoping to avoid confrontation he began to squirm just slightly, only to have the grasp tighten, a nod seemed to not be enough.   
  
“Use your words.”    
  
_ I can’t _ . Alex wanted to scream and run and hide and do something, but he couldn’t move now, his vision quickly began to cave in on itself, then it didn’t, then he was still there, nothing had changed, he was signing now, his hands moving at a speed Alexander didn’t know they could reach as he tried to tell him  _ he can’t, I can’t do it. _   
  
“Alex, we’re start-” Lin had peeked into the washroom only to freeze, his face blanched with rage as he stormed towards Ralph, Alex could feel the hands tighten around his neck and a choking sensation beginning to surface.    
  
Next thing he knew officers swarmed the room, Alex was on the floor, gasping for air with the gentle reassurance from a few of the officers and the wisps of sentences he heard Lin speak, then beeping, like an alarm, constant beeping in the distance, and like that he was out like a light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for everything oml,,,


	30. Look at Where You Started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a blast through Alex's past! Since I got a comment requesting I do a chapter about it, I couldn't think of another way to do it other then the Journal-Ex-Machina so Enjoy!

_ Violin, somebody’s playing the violin. _ _   
_ _   
_ Alexander’s eyes quickly began to open, to quite the sight mind you, Thomas Jefferson playing the fiddle in front of him and James reading a book, Alex shifted his eyes over to see John next to him on the bed, drawing something and Eliza off with Peggy not too far away from the bed.   
  
_ They’re all here to pity you. All here to just watch you as you continue to mess up again and again and again, they’re just going to leave you, you’re a case nobody wants to take but everyone has to watch- disgusting.  _ _   
_   
“C’mon Alex, stay with us,” John spoke, gently shifting over to put a hand on Alex’s head, blacking out again, he knew it- was he though? Everything seemed so strange, was he asleep in the first place, Alexander wasn’t sure.    
  
__ Useless.   
  
There’s no arguing with that, what has he truly done for them? Nothing, nothing at all, just a new case for them to crack open, a new broken statue in the island of misfit toys like Alex always had been, always nothing, always just the case nobody wanted to solve, a terminal case- one had said. A Non-Perishable disease, that’s what he was, no cure, he’s just a big red stain on the world, only there to cause trouble, it’s always been like that, right? Right?

\--   
Jefferson stared blindly at Alexander, watching him squirm and sob and whimper to himself, blue; blue was the colour Thomas thought the situation was, he sat his violin down slowly, he wasn’t stupid; at least according to his father and Jemmy- but he knew what was happening, the panic attack was obvious- the source though seemed to be invisible for the normal mind, and Thomas was not the normal mind.    
  
He wasn’t stupid, Thomas had read Alex’s journal three times after it had been shoved into his hand by the grumpy child, and of course, Jefferson having no self-control opened it and began to try and put together the loopy scrawl Alex had left in the pages, though Thomas always had trouble figuring out what writing on paper  _ meant _ , it was  _ stupid _ to have to read through something so  _ useless _ , but this was not. God- Jefferson repeated the story to himself every night, every little detail a vivid new colour in his mind, a new shade, a new hue.    
  
At first, the story’s colours were orange, passionate and proud, tales of a young boy writing about his mother and brother, only at the age of 9. Entries telling adorable stories about Alexander’s brother, Jamie; yellow, Jamie was yellow, passionate but on the verge of exhaustion, a dying battery.    
  
Alexander’s mother was quite the figure, a lovely lady who cared about Alexander more than anything, sometimes neat cursive would be printed at the bottom of the pages of Alex’s early journal entries, little hearts at the end of every supportive message, things like ‘you’re doing wonderful, darling’ and ‘I’m so proud of you!’, Thomas concluded Alexander’s mother was the same shade of orange as young Alexander. 

Alex’s father, on the other hand, was a desaturated green, he’d been noted barely inside of the journal’s first pages, only told to be drinking the fuzzy liquid and sucking on the smoke makers, Thomas automatically pieced what those were together and sucked in a cold breath of his own as he remembered himself brushing his hand over the page, his father had done the same thing- it wasn’t much of a surprise when Alexander’s father (James, he was named) had been mentioned in a rather haunting entry.    
  
“He’s gone” The pages told Thomas, Alexander’s father left the family in ruin and the next few pages were doodles, some of flowers, some little rodents and another rather terrifying one of a tall dark man, unnatural features, and boney structure bent over a drawing of what looked like was Alexander, the bottom of the page had a small note from his mother “Thank you for telling us what the intruder looks like, Alexander, me and Jamie are so proud of you opening up.”   
  
From that page onwards, the colours of Alexander’s life shifted from proud orange to a quickly dulling phoenix gray, Alexander slowly losing his spark was obvious, he told stories of school, how a particular student seemed to be causing him trouble- how he reacted… Loopy scrawls saying how he felt his heart sink into his foot.    
  
The next page wasn’t written by Alexander, but by Jamie, a letter with a few scratches placed in gently by their mother, it seemed like a farewell letter of sorts, phrases like “We promise we’ll do everything we can to get you out” and “I love you bro, stay strong for us”, Thomas had put together a horrifying picture, sceptics believed Alexander had gone ‘insane’ and was ‘unstable’, the child that had picked on him seemed to have deduced Alexander was a threat that needed to be contained, and so he was, new drawings on every page made Thomas’ skin crawl, when James had gotten back from a hike he noticed Thomas curled in on himself, unable to speak because of the book.    
  
Thomas remembered watching James flip through the pages Thomas had gone through, he too had gone deathly pale when he saw the first image, it was another sketch of the intruder, this time trying to escape the cell of something while Alexander was drawn in the corner, though the drawing had only been inked with a fountain pen, Thomas saw the colour, dull red, horror.    
  
The next few images were of Jamie and Alexander’s mom, messy scrawl saying “I miss you”, “Where did you go?”, “I’m sorry” and “it’s getting worse” and the occasional small sketch of Alexander smiling at the bottom of the page.    
  
But soon enough, the sketches turned back into writing, Alexander was now nine, his mother and brother were writing notes in his journal and Alexander was writing about his emotions, the dull colours seemed to brighten again, though the family was poor and had to deal with quite the struggle, especially when it came to getting things like food and toothpaste, essential things to keep them healthy, and healthy were they not.  
  
Green, pale lime, Alexander’s notes talked about how much his lungs hurt, how much his head hurt, and the handwriting changed, of course, Alex’s handwriting had been getting better over the years of writing in his large journal, but this was Jamie’s writing, though he still seemed to be talking in Alex’s voice, like he was writing stuff down that Alexander was telling him to write, like Alex was unable to write.    
  
The next entry was a mess… a large ink splatter that was barely visible on the previous page seeping through the thick paper, the rough outline of a drawing of Alex’s mother destroyed, scrawl that was cut off saying “Sorry” and “No” over and over and over, “I love you”, “my fault”.    
  
_ She was gone, Thomas’ brain sensed the dull red return, this time with inky black seeping through it, Alexander was scarred, broken, horrified, but he still had Jamie, he still had Jamie- Thomas had kept repeating that to himself, the journal had been trembling in his hands as he read through it, he wanted to crawl into a small space and squeeze something, so he ended up chewing on his sweater zipper as he recollected his own thoughts, the journal truly was ruining him as he read it _ .   
  
Entries continued, Thomas had kept reading, he remembers that he kept reading, he had to, he was engaged in the words on the page, so torn up about the life of a boy who seemed to hate him for he truly has had a perfect life compared to Alexander’s… Of course Thomas wasn’t perfect, he’s always stood out, you can’t be ‘normal’ if you’re born to stand out after all, but god- though he dealt with some cruddy things in his life, Alexander’s story lied out in front of him hurt him more than.   
  
Peter; Peter was a new character in the story, Thomas didn’t like him much, he was dull and gray, and just like that, Thomas found a page with colour- real colour, he flipped it without hesitation, salmon stains that seemed dried from years ago,  _ blood _ .    
  
Just like that, Peter was gone, but was he? Really? Alex seemed to write about him a lot, repeating things he ‘said’ even months after the alleged suicide of the man caring for Alexander, it’s like he lingered inside Alexander, thinking back to the drawings from before Thomas wouldn’t put that to the side as something of fiction, after all, he’s in this camp for a reason, and he’s seen other people in the camp similar to him.   
  
Though the entries grew more dull, blank and less frequent, the dates skipping from one month to another and many pages ripped out of the journal, lost in time, and some of the entries in French and Latin. It was rather blue to Jefferson, but during the dull blue phase there was speak of destruction,  _ a hurricane _ , and Jamie- gone, a drawing told him so, a photo of Jamie’s face in a messy art style, the next page of his father, a large ink splatter blacking out his face and a drawing of his mother on the page after it, a beautiful smile Alex drew on her.   
  
“I’m here mama, in  Amérique” was the letter that Thomas could feel the colour shift, he was re-gaining passion, the orange began to spark back up and Alex was back on his feet, foster homes seemed to consume most of the conversations Alex had to himself in the journal, some entries just were ink splatters saying eerie phrases.    
  
The final entry, written not to long ago made Thomas itch with the desire to hear more,    
“I’m being sent to a camp to fix me, sorry.”    
  
Now Alex was here, now Thomas knew everything about him, more than John ever knew, and now he was limp on the bed, asleep.    
  
Or was he waking up?  
  
Thomas wasn’t sure anymore, he just wanted to lock up and get squashed by something, but now everyone was staring at him as he stood silently, he seemed to loose his words as he made a silent wheeze and grabbed James’ arm, gently dragging him out of the room, the two silently walking through the place silently, James gave Thomas a nervous look and raised his hands.    
  
‘T-h-o-m-a-s, you were crying the whole time, what happened?’ Thomas took in a sharp breath as he raised his own hands up to his eyes and wiped away the wet streams, sighing as he raised his own hands, too nervous to try and speak.   
  
‘Kid’s still driving me crazy.’ Thomas signed, James quirked his eyebrow up and signed back.   
  
‘Is this about the journal? Or the situation in general?’ Thomas raised one finger and nodded mutely.   
  
‘T-h-o-m-a-s, he’s been getting better, I know you pretend not to care about him all the time but I know he’s breaking your heart, why don’t you talk to him, everyone else does.’ James made a small smile before making a small cough into his arm, rattling his small frame only to have Thomas kneel to steady him.   
  
“I-I’ll try.” Thomas promised. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be able to answer any questions about Alex's past since it's very vague even when being talked about directly! I just wanted to get the basic storyline out, so ask away!


	31. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm losing steam for this fic, I needed to finish it, I hated the way I made the characters, it was so OOC I can't believe I even wrote it... I hope you enjoyed it.

When Alex woke he knew something wasn’t right to begin with, his entire body felt like it was floating for starters, and John… John lying next to him, he looked off as well.  _ Older _ , he looks so much older now, turning to see Lafayette and Hercules was strange as well, they just seemed to be statues, completely still and lifeless,  _ It’s not right, not right at all. _   
  
Alexander quickly raised his hands up to his face, checking to see if he had changed at all, nope, still just normal Alex, but he looked up again, freshly blinking and everything seemed to speed up back into it’s normal speed, Laf and Herc smiling at Hamilton as he shuffled around under the covers to get out of the bed without waking John, but nope, the other boy stirred awake.    
  
But just as everyone began to truly seem awake and alive, Alexander’s entire body felt…. Hot… Hot and dizzy, everything quickly feeling more alive that it had ever been only to numb down as his eyes began to get clouded by swarms of misty brown dots…    
  
\---   
  
“He’s awake, oh my god…” An older voice called, southern tang at the end of it reminded Alexander of John, quickly, two more voices joined the picture, one deep and collected and the other frantic, an incredibly heavy french accent attached to it, just like Lafayette’s.   
  
Alexander made a small groan, he was so confused,  _ where am I? My head hurts, is there danger, what’s going on _ . Next thing Alex knew he had jolted up in place, breathing heavily as his entire body trembled, it was so heavy, but there was danger he needed to go.    
  
“Alexander Hamilton.” a voice called, what was that voice? Who’s was it? Why do they know his name? Where is he? Everything is bright and annoying even through his closed eyes, he decides to quickly fluttered them open, the room’s a blinding white and multiple faces are looking at him.    
  
Now that his eyes are opened, his ears begin to hear a rapid beeping noise in the background, he becomes aware of the abundance of tubes in his body, even though everything feels numb, and finally, he becomes aware of the faces, but he doesn’t know who they belong to… Doesn’t know their names. They look so familiar but distant.    
  
“W-” Alex started to cough, he couldn’t even get out one letter as he flopped back onto the bed (at least he assumed it was a bed). His entire body felt too heavy and foreign. His eyes kept seeing little brown dots, then went back to seeing everything fine, minus the slight blur.    
  
“Alexander Hamilton, my name is Dr. Bayard, you’ve been in a coma for nine years, this must be a surprise for you, so we’d like you to take your time, some of your old friends are here, if you don't remember them, it’s fine, amnesia is a common side affect to someone who’s been in a coma for so long… I’m rambling, aren’t I? Just try to relax your muscles, alright? I’ll be back in fifteen minutes with some more doctors to take a look at you.” Dr. Bayard spoke calmly,  _ nine years? Coma?  _ But- nothing had happened to Alexander, he’d been fine, of course, he’d had his accidents, but he’s always woken up and… He was twelve…   
  
“Alexander…” The southern voice spoke, excitement and fear trapped behind his calm tone. Now that Alex was looking at him he vaguely resembled someone who he thinks he knows, what was his name? God- why can’t he remember anymore!? He was  _ just _ with them and, what’s their name? What’s their name!?   
  
“Hey, um, so, yeah, this is really awkward but… I’m John Laurens, boyfriend for two years, I mean we still were when… look, I don’t know if you remember me or not, b-but I’m really happy you’re awake Alex.”  _ John Laurens?  _ The name… So…. Familiar but distant… Alex knew a John for sure, now he was recalling John, his face, freckles, frizzy hair, looked exactly like this new John but, John was young, John was sweet and said turtle a lot…    
  
“S-s-s… S-say… T-t-turtle…” Alex requested, his voice was raw and it hurt to talk, the others cringed at his effort but John obliged, shrugging down at Alex.   
  
“Turtle?” Alex’s eyes still looked distant, nothing happened, this… It didn’t seem like his J- what’s his name again? James… Probably correct, it didn’t seem like his James,  _ who are all these people? _   
  
“Oh, I- uh, I guess I should speak as well, I’m Lafayette, Gilbert, you used to call me Laf a lot, and this is Hercules, he was kind of like your big brother, in a way… Y’know?” Alex’s gaze shifted away from John and over to Lafayette and Hercules, they also looked new,  _ what the hell? _   
  
“H-h… H-how o-o-old am I?” The others looked at each other for a moment, he caught John counting on his hands like he too had forgotten Alex’s age,  _ how do you even forget your own age? _ Alex thought to himself.    
  
“Twenty five, if you’re wondering what happened well… You got in a car accident.”   
  
“I-I’m… I w-was… Twelve?” Alex questioned, he truly didn’t know how old he was anymore, they all looked at each other nervously.    
  
“Sixteen, Alex, we met you two years prior, when you were 14.”    
  
Nothing made sense anymore… Why did he not know what was happening… What’s going on….    
  
“Alexander Hamilton, it’s Dr. Bayard again, we’re going to be taking you to a rehabilitation place, so you can start moving again and we’ll work on your memory as well, alright?”   
  
“Mhmm”   
  
Maybe nothing he had imagined had been true, maybe it had been.   
  
But memories, fake or not, would, and have always carried Hamilton, to have none was nothing more than a sin, for now he was a man he did not know, but, he would make do, he always had… 

**Author's Note:**

> Honk Honk get ready babes cuz lyss is back with a real fanfic for once my Tumblr is @BirdManLyss if u wanna chat @ me and get me to 200 followers


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